Wednesday, December 31, 2003

--

coughing damn badly now... can't even rap an eminem's song n it sucks kies.. finally dat i haf a chance to like rawk wif the music at hm! damn man wrk wrk wrk till no time for my music.. n now got time... can't sing... wah... fuck kies... well nvm toking to sharon, val n shane on msn now... so sianz k.. meeting ah zhong later for the tattoo! haha now designing... damn sucky kies.. tink i lost all my designing skills... haha sucks kies.. den aft dat meeting ah wei too n going down to monks! haha val is joining.. n sharon is going down wif her frens too tink she need to borrow ic fr me again.. well n pal pal bud bud might me comming down awhile too! haha to see me! haha so happy! haha ok... i shall rest now n design the tattoo hahaa


| The.Goodbye. 12/31/2003 03:30:00 PM |

__________

--

toking to chups now.. well.. dun really noe wats she is toking abt.. wasn't concentrating.. hai wondering wat u doing now.. miss u so damn much.. hai...still coughing like crazy... sucks kies... haha n chups today so chim... dun understand alot of her words.. haha alrite i m tired... logging off soon... tiredz...


| The.Goodbye. 12/31/2003 03:54:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[confused]...[dying]
[time]==[3.05am]
[music]==[dishwalla]=[somewhere.in.the.middle]
---got hm not long ago... finished wrk ard 11+ went to slack n haf supper wif flo,sharon,chups,eng chao,leandro,haiqal, marcus n benard was having supper.. didn't eat dinner.. had no appetite... was tinking of u the whole day... had really no mood to wrk... so stress n sianz... hai.. brought my camera along to take pics.. shuqiong's flim.. supposed to shoot for her attachment to toys.. but onli manage to shoot afew.. sucks kies.. so i decided to use it all for today.. took quite afew pics... was not in the mood to take the pictures... had lunch wif sharon onli.. was so sucky kies.. i planned the break time of me chups n sharon together... den aunty jenny not happy.. go n tell vic den change both break time... kns.. but sharon drag her time alil so we went together den chups had no choice.. so yeah.. dinner flo n melody came down n join us.. i onli ate watermelon... hai really no appetite.. wasn't smoking much... my throat really cannot take it... was coughing lungs out.. until flo n sharon keep scolding me n ask me to stop smoking... well.. alrite didn't really stop... but cut down... cos i really cough till my whole face red... throat.. damn pain... eyes red too... i was like wtf... not now.. lor.. later gona go enjoy myself n all... but i'm down wif flu.. serious cough n sore throat ...wtf.. rite? but nothing's gona stop me alrite! well... took quite afew pics at the coffeeshop slacking together haha finished the roll dere.. ordered beer... sucks kies.. drank alil.... hate the taste... haha so damn gasey... haha slack till 1+ or 2+ dun remember.. tink its 2+ haha den took cab wif chups n sharon... i paid the cab fare cos got pay already... ahaha chups no small change.. n sharon.. so ke lian gotta get cheque haha not yet! hahaha well ok lar... tml gona get my tattoo! the uv tattoo!!! gawd !!! haha so happy kies!!! YEAH!!! n most prob going mm wif zhong? n maybe my frens or i'll meet dem dere? duno yet i guess.. haha well tired.. tink i'm gona slp soon... gotta get ready n pump up man!


| The.Goodbye. 12/31/2003 03:22:00 AM |

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Tuesday, December 30, 2003

--

This song is for u... fr me to u...

I'm so sick and tired
of all these things
that drag me down
I've got no where to go
they say that life
is in these hands
you give everything
you give yourself away you give
and still you choke
and find yourself running for the door

come and take me
home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
at least just for a while

its some kind of life
forever days
we're in the cold
unfamiliar way
so take this fear
and fade it out
it won't make me sad
cause I get sentimental lord
in other ways
and I don't want to let me down here anymore

so come and take me home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
and let me in
just let me in
and let me leave
just let me leave this world
come on now let me leave this world
at least just for a while




| The.Goodbye. 12/30/2003 05:24:00 AM |

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--

hai... i m so confused.. so troubled.. i duno wat to do... hai.. i wish u will come bac to me.. i want u bac so dearly.. everything i do.. its juz abt you.. if i had juz one last wish.. it will be u to be wif me again... hai.. wonder if the wish will come tru... i'll do anything to get u back... i believe i can give u the happiness u want... i longed for the day for u to come bac to me...


| The.Goodbye. 12/30/2003 03:38:00 AM |

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--

had some com prob... driving me nutz.. coughing like crazy...sneezing like an idiot.. throat hurts like fuck... pls dun let me fall sick.. not nw alrite..


| The.Goodbye. 12/30/2003 01:54:00 AM |

__________

Monday, December 29, 2003

--

[MooD]==[confuse]...[lost]...[runningnose]
[time]==[10.36pm]
[music]==[98degrees]=[heaven.is.missing.an.angel]
---juz got hm.. went out wif val.. in the end.. she was planning a suprise for eunice so we went toys.. to get the stuff.. supposed to go down town wif her.. but i seriously dun haf the mood.. it hurts me to see dat u are preparing suprise... it brings me back to when i was preparing the surprise for her... i'm sorrie.. bro... i stayed on at toys.. syl,flo,chups n sharon was wrking.. went to the toliet to slack n smoke.. together wif chups n flo.. chups finished wrk already.. juz wana slack ard.. den went to the service area cos val went to pay for the item... sharon was dere n she pass me my late christmas present.. a box of chocolate... n i put it at my pocket.. kinda smashed... gawd... well nvm... aft slacking awhile... went to S-11 wif chups to slack somemore.. ordered drinks.. n smoke till 10? den was feeling tired so went bac hm.. it could haf been a much happier day... cos i tot i was meeting u... was so happy... even if its juz 5mins.. it would haf make me happy.. for real.. finally... for once... finally... but no.. its juz too hard for u to give it to me... i guess..


| The.Goodbye. 12/29/2003 10:41:00 PM |

__________

--

I was out the other day
and I saw you in your big black car
and I was waving as you were passing
cause I know who you are
you had this look that of an angel
it was such a bad disguise
did you think for a second I would not realize

tripping hard falling down onto the ground
cause I can't stand up
and I can't fall down
cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this

I was out the other night
and I saw you so we had a fight
and it was late and I was lonely
It was such a long way home
so I asked you if you'd join me
for a single last call drink
so you turned and bought us 2
and you didn't even blink
you had this look that of an angel
it was such a bad disguise
when you drink it makes you angry
when I drink I want you more and more and more

tripping hard falling down onto the ground
cause I can't stand up
and I can't fall down
cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this

tripping hard falling down onto the ground
cause I can't stand up
and I can't fall down
cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this

Somewhere in the middle ..
You know I find it hard
I always tried to find the sane life
Somewhere in the middle ..
but I don't like the way things are
I keep falling to my knees
somewhere in the middle of this

Cause Im somewhere in the middle of this

tripping hard falling down onto the ground
cause I can't stand up
and I can't fall down
cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this

Cause Im somewhere in the middle of this
Somewhere in the middle.


| The.Goodbye. 12/29/2003 06:10:00 PM |

__________

--

fuck lar... i m damn pek cek now... really... damn... fucked up... if the answer is a no... den pls say so... ok.. i told u dat i got nothing on cos i dun wan u to feel bad.. but actually val ask me out but i told her i may be going out wif u.. n dat i confirm wif her later.. now.... i feel like shit can... really shit... fuck lar... why can't u juz say no... if its a no.. dun tell me duno... ok.. it sucks.. really sucks.. dun make me wait for nothing.. do u noe how it feels like.. waiting for nothing.. DO U NOE? it sucks lor... sucks big time... REALLY FUCKING SUCKY... u made me go bac to my unwanted self again.. i'm feeling the fits alike feeling comming bac... ARGH!!!!! i hate it... i hate to cry like crazy again.. i hate the feeling of hard to breathe.... I HATE IT... the one dat can always make me smile is the one who is actually making me cry all this while...


| The.Goodbye. 12/29/2003 05:01:00 PM |

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--

its late.. i'm tired... red nose... sore throat.. wat else i dun haf... you... hai.. nothing matters except u.. sorrie val.. can't make it later... sorrie... i duno.. i really duno.. guess we both are really confuse... hai i love u.. at least tis i noe..


| The.Goodbye. 12/29/2003 04:57:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[confused]...[flu-ing]
[time]==[2.59am]
[music]==[dishwalla]=[home]
---well listening to the songs dat chups had recommended me juz now.. n toking to u online... hai... i miss u so much... hai... i duno wat do to.. i duno i m so confused.. hai.. i wan to see u so much... hai... so much... juz u alone... no one else... hai... gona finally pass u something dat i bought so long ago.. hai... i tink u will really think... wtf give me tis kind of stuff.... well.. since i bought it for u... i'm gona give it to u... hai.. hopefully.. be able to meet u tml.. n pass u the money n the present.. hai... my nose.. its driving me crazy... n i'm left wif one stick of cig... gawd


| The.Goodbye. 12/29/2003 03:13:00 AM |

__________

Sunday, December 28, 2003

--

i miss u.... so much... i want u bac so much... do u noe?... hai.. i was confused.. not abt wanting u bac.. abt wat u said... wat do u want fr me... i love u.. n i still do very much... tell me wat i haf to do to get u bac.. rite here beside me... there is so much thing on my mind... i duno where to start... i was lost.. all the time without you.. laughing fakingly always... cracking lame jokes... all those were juz cover up.. u can't expect me to walk ard.. crying... i dun wan no pity... fr other ppl... for anyone.. i had enough... how much i wanna deny my love for u infront of my friends.. i juz can't do it... n thus i haf stop trying to deny... juz leave things the way it is.. so is my life... cos its lost... without u... i noe writing tis blog... is defintely gona let val n syl down.. i'm sorrie... val.. i noe i promise not to write abt her... but... hai... i duno.. i'm sorrie.. pls understand...


| The.Goodbye. 12/28/2003 04:28:00 AM |

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--

[MooD]==[confused]
[time]==[11.58am]
[music]==[98degrees]=[take.my.breath.away]
---juz got hm not long ago.. played GTA on the ps2... den went to bathe... parents came bac... saw my hair.. mum was kinda unhappy.. so was my dad... but well i dun care... everyone tinks its nice.. well maybe not everyone.. haha well all thanks to chups man! gd skills... hahaha i tink i keep looking at my hair lor.. haha bui tahan.. haha went down toys to meet chups flo n sharon for dinner... of cos wif val haha she came down to pasir ris to meet me! we had kfc.... man.. even tho' i haf serious sore throat... haha well... i was actually feeling hungry... when i went bac.. i had to like walk ard to show dem my hair.. haha cos help chups promote haha n yeah alot ppl say its style! haha yeah! i like it man! i wanna get tis kind of weird hairstyle for so long le finally i got it! for free... but i sponser chups cab fare! haha well i promised so i haf to do it man! haha n its worth it lar 10bucks n get a compliments..lots' haiR hahaha! well.. ok stop toking abt my hair... gawd.... stop being so vain... n show..off.... *slaps*...! haha gawd... now when i smoke it hurts so much man... my throat is killing me... argh!... hahaha but still can't stop smoking haha... i m hopeless... i guess..... well today i tried dj mix lemon... gawd.. it sucks to the max... i tried 3 flavours of dj mix so far... duno how many flavours dey got.. the apple is the best... strawberry not bad... but lemon... really... SUCKS!!! fucking SUCKY!... hahaha dun try... but den again.. dun tink can get it easily at sg! haha ok.. i m showing off again.. but den not i buy one... haha its mel buy one haha... well.. toking to kenn now.. abt cigs hahaha discussing abt wats nice.. n wats not! ahahaha funny sia!!! alrite tink i blog lateR!


| The.Goodbye. 12/28/2003 12:56:00 AM |

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Saturday, December 27, 2003

--

[MooD]==[tired]...[very tired]+[confused]
[time]==[3.13pm]
[music]==[puddle.of.mud]=[blurry]
---juz woke up not long ago... look at my hair... gawd.. it sucks... haha cos i look so nerd... bcos of the way i slept of cos! haha but the hairstyle really rawks big time!! danks alot chups! haha for cutting for me aft wrk cum supper... hahaha so late.. felt so bad! haha but damn u are gd!!! danks man... but rite nw i m wearing a cap.. haha slanted sideways! aha of cos got my reason.. haha gotta see my hair den u will noE... haha but nah i m gona gel it up of cos... n sadly... chups was like saying haf to wear cap at wrk haha if not can let everyone see my hair.. hhahaha i noe she is proud of her skills hahah cos she said i look cool! haha so happy u noe? alrite i m tired... haha shall go n do my stuff haha be bac to blog later... haha maybe?




| The.Goodbye. 12/27/2003 03:29:00 PM |

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Friday, December 26, 2003

--

---alrite last entry for today! haha juz had a smoke chatting wif kenn now... parents went genting comming bac on sat... hmm.. well make no diff... haha cos i m wrking full tml too! haha n sat off... but den they will be bac on sat wat hahaha oh well.. tink of the money... ahahaha... well... feel alil fucked up.. ahah cos i'm in debt.. big debt... my mum's n dad's hp bill came... guess wat... my mum's bill... 1++ close to 200 n my dad ard the same... n my dad wans me to pay for my mum's bill.. cos its all those sms... to u... well... i m so dead... my own 100+ 200 bill not settle yet too... die lar... fuck lar... damn! wat a fucking suay mth for me lor...


| The.Goodbye. 12/26/2003 03:54:00 AM |

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--

[MooD]==[depressed]
[time]==[3.16am]
[music]==[evanesense]=[my.immortal]
---went to wrk in the morning... was suprisly not very late.. tho' yesteday slpt at 5+am? well took a cab to wrk... shit lar.. i m so used to cab everywhere... ahaha now u noe where all my money go... well... went to wrk... feeling down... tinking abt wat shld be happening... the chalet... n everything... but.. no... i'm at wrk... n i felt so depressed... cos ur not wif me ... n ur wif her..... enjoying the hell out of urself n me... drowning in my sorrows again n u noe wat toys is playing some sad love songs... n it goes... 'its a cold cold christmas without u...' i was like... fuck... keep thinking abt everything n it sucks was so depressed keep wanting to smoke... had a frowning face... all the while... couldn't bring myself to smile on christmas day... do u noe how sucky it feels.... i bet u dun.. cos ur enjoying to the max! well.. its ok... ur juz u.. its ur character.. so yeah i didn't change it in the first place..so i wun change it now.. further more.. i dun haf the ability to change it already... well i discovered many new scars on my knee... haha m legs are so full of bruises man... haha madmonks is so dangerous! haha well but i tink i'm a lil better drinker already cos 2 long island wif one straight n one half straight gulp didn't really kill me... i was still walking haha tho' not very straight... hahaa n yeah i fell afew times... haha sucks kies... haha well... hmmm had pastamanie for lunch wif sharon, syl n flo.. was stoning all the while...keeping quiet n all... n moody.. i feel so bad... cos i tink i might had spoil everyone's mood... hai sorrie guys... i really can't smile... n i dun wana fake one...well aft the lunch was slacking together at the toliet haha i was smoking like fuck! haha n i m like tinking wat to get for sharon... wanted to get her a medium size carebear... but i'm scared dat it will be very obvious... n wanted to buy the small one... but the small one dun haf the one she wants.. onli the one dat comes wif 2 small one.. so i bought dat i gave chups the other one... well i was excited when i was choosing n wrapping it... but time to time... my face was back to the frowning...hai n when i pass her the prezzie... i tink i was alil attitude... cos i juz like handed dem the prezzie n juz looked away... n sat on the bench... well... hai really no mood to smile or be happy... tho' i m alil happy.. but well u guessed wat it was tho'... kns haha n chups saw me wrapping it can.... damn kns.... well hope sharon will like it.. n hope chups will like it too... haha well... aft wrk went to slack at the coffeeshop wif val,flo n sharon... for awhile den we head for hm... was tired n all.. but when i reach hm... bloody hell cannot slp lor... kns... haha always like dat haha n i finally updated my blog! haha n new image for my blog! haha love it man!! hahaha danks to EUNICE!!! haha well signing for.. gotta go get my med n some gd rest n prepare for wrk tml again... suX!!! haha well tink abt the money... the money.... hahaha... the tattoo... the tattoo...


| The.Goodbye. 12/26/2003 03:39:00 AM |

__________

--

[monksnite out]
---- woo hoo?.... was planning to go pasir ris park fisherman or the pub nearby dere... but den change of mind.. cos tink sharon wana go monks... so yeah we went monks instead...hahaha... n yeah before me n flo left my house... i was onlining.. haha n tis gal came n chat wif me.. asking me to bring her to monks... n i was like.. huh... siao ar?... den cannot decide whether to bring or not to bring... den flo say ok lar ok lar... haah cos we are running late already... n boy did we regret.... big time... she is some cheena biang.... n turn off person... hahaha gawd i m so mean... like i m very handsome like dat....hahaha... well we were supposed to meet val at clarke quay mrt... at 1030... but we reached at 11.30... instead... n guess wat? she is even later... hahah well aft dat we went to monks... wif my dat netfren.... well was not really toking to her n all... haha was trying to get rid of her... hahaha i m such a meanie... well ordered long island again.. haha the normal gasey drink is like 18... i rather order the long island.. haha 22... haha well glup down a glass damn fast again... well as always... sucky... haha was alil drunk... haha before sharon came.. haha n yeah i saw jess,zhong,wei n huimin haha wished dem merry christmas.. haha n yeah den sharon came.. haha she called me.. n i was like walking towards her n all n she didn't realise haha n gawd.. she is wearing a red tube... can... reD?.... so bright... scared she lost ar... hahaha but she look not bad tho' well she came so close to 12am... told her to faster get the damn drink!.. so we can go in for the bloody countdown!... but well didn't manage too tho' haha she was still queueing for the chop wif my ic! haha well so yeah we juz wished each other merry christmas... well haha aft the chop we went in for awhile.. haha den i accompany sharon to find her frens over at coffeebean.... haha but dey are not dere... kns.. they are at the toliet lor... kns... waste my time... haha n my energy... flo n val joined us at the stairs at the back of the toliet.. wif sharon n her frenS.. i was not walking straight i guess.. cos flo keep saying i was drunk n my face damn red.. haha.. haha n yeah elaine n chups came down for awhile... ahah ard 10mins? or so? aft dat manage to get one of her fren into the pub... the other one... had to spend money to get a drink... den can go in..... n i ordered another long island haha n tis time didn't drink too fast.. haha cos was dancing wif sharon,flo n her 2frens.. forgot wats their name... well... hahaha den aft awhile went to tok to ah zhong n wei dey all!!!... haha n they told me dat bitch is comming haha n dey are gona go in later haha n ask me if wei can put her stuff at the table where we was at.. haha well of cos no prob?.. haha well aft awhile i went out to find ah zhong dey all n ask dem to go in to dance together! haha n yeah man we had fun man! haha wei n huimin is dancing together too man! haha shiok! but half-way i went to find sharon dey all n when i came bac they are outside already so i went out for awhile n look for dem... n there is tis old bung... alil crazy one... haha dun really noe wat happen... cos when i finally went out it was like in the middle?... so i juz went dere n told dat bung to not bother dem ... n ask zhong dey all to go in n of cos clyde is around... den aft dat old bung came n purposely knock into us n i was like grabbing her? i dun remember.. n ask her wat is she doing... n started saying dat i wanna fight izit n all ahah den we starting fighting.. haha i dun really noe wat happen but i tink i pushed her down?... den the bouncer came n separate us up... haha feel like shit can.. n i tink the bouncer even punch her a few times... GREAT! ahaha she is one nutcase!.. i always wanted to see a fight at madmonks... but guess wat i m inside a lame fight... such a disgrace.... oh yeah i almost wanted to start another fight too... i was really damn pissed off... seriously... but flo told me dat today's aim is to enjoy.. myself n further more sharon is ard.. so i was like.. ok... back off n went to dance... sorrie flo man.. i guess i pushed u too hard too... i guess i was really high... cos i went up to the bar top n dance... wif dat bitch clyde... gawd.... m i nutz? haha well its bcos we all wan her to go up n dance.. n its like the onli way for her to go up is dat someone is up wif her... so i volenteer... well at least we got the aim?.. wats the lil sacifice? haha n furthermore... i m already thrown away by someone so yeah... i'm juz nothing!.. but i onli danced awhile den dat bitch wana ge down cos she said its dangerous?.... ... sianz hahaha well aft dat continue to dance wif ah zhong n all!!.. haha n we were playing tis snow spray thingy n tis glow in the dark liquid.. haha gawd i got sprayed in the face so many times haha we were having waR!!!! its 2 against one lor... so unfair.. tis i duno who bung n tis i duno who p keep spraying at me... haha but we got intro tho' but i dun remember... their names... haha neither do i remember their face... haha n i used the glow in the dark liquid on zhong wei n all!! ahaha we are all glowing! haha n my face got alot k... fucking hell! haha n yeah the spray.. of cos sharon got the most... haha n well aft dat tink jess send dat person HM! n left!!!! so i went to dance wif my frends n ah zhong... haha n we were dancing up the corner platform.. haha i drag sharon dey all up n dance n its like i m dancing ah zhong area awhile... den sharon's area awhile... haha i feel so weird can... well ard 3+ sharon dey all wanna leave but ah zhong dey all are still stayinf so i stayed on! haha n dance like crazy... hahaha gawd.... we even did the twist..... hahahaha so funny can... n dey played ENIMEN SONG!!! lose urself!!! haha n i was rapping together!! gawd a time of my life man really dance like crazy... haha till ard 4am... cos dats the time they close! ahaha n me n zhong was like saying next week go again! haha yeah n dance again man! haha well aft dat shared cab wif...zhong wei n huimin! haha n yeah went hm change bathed... took the med n slp! haha n i kinda lost my voice... haha but its alrite now i guess! ahaha was shouting like fuck! haha alrite... dats for dat nite.. its damn long i noe...


| The.Goodbye. 12/26/2003 03:13:00 AM |

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--

[23.12.03]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
time to backdate my blog... the day aft the damn tiring n killing wakeboarding.. went to wrk in the morning... till 6pm... was aching all over my bod... can hardly sit down nor bend down man... can't feel my shoulders...my back... my arms.. practically everywhere... hahaa so i went to slack at the toliet... n slp.... haha wat a slackee day! haha aft dat wrk went out wif syl.. mel n val n 2 of mel's fren... was slacking ard tam cos waiting for eunice to come down n meet us aft wrk... at bedok?... haha dats why she was planning to stay over at my house haha cos she stay at the west? north? watever? haha tiong baru.. haha aft slacking for quite some time.. she finally came n meet us... hahaha den me,val,eunice head for my house!... we went to buy drinks at 7-eleven... didn;t drink it till late at nite... haha was helping eunice to dye her hair.... val did the dyeing n i did the washing of head... haha n i fail big time....the soapy water went into her nose... haha n i had to wash twice... cos i didn't wash the top part of her hair... hahaha sorrie eunice! haha den we went down to buy supper?... haha had a lil feast at my room den we proceed to play ps2 haha n started drinking... haha but i didn't really drink my wild turkey... its too gasey... i'm used to liquor i guess??... haha well.. played awhile n eunice fell aslp on the sofa.. haha n val was tired.. n so m i... haha so we went to slp... haha eunice n val slept on the same bed.. haha n i slept on the floooR... haha n val juz couldn't stop.... toking her lame jokes... n made all of use laugh till we can't slp... haha n i had to take 2pills to slp instead!... hahaha well... woke up ard 3+ or ard dere? den went to haf lunch...n val send eunice hm... haha n she taught me how to msg sharon.. haha.. danks aye?... i m so dumb?....




| The.Goodbye. 12/26/2003 01:44:00 AM |

__________

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

--

hmmm well nw flo n syl in DA HOUSE! hahaha rawk man! haha they playing my ps2 hahaha well later going to pasir ris park! haha to the pub or fisherman.. den later going to madmonks! haha cos tink sharon wana go man! haha den we shall all go!! haha waiting for the stupid val to come.. she really take a long time to prepare n all.. damn kns can... haha i shall stop blogging le.. blog later or when i m free bah haha den i can blog more clearly den ever! haha abt yesterday... damn jokers! haha


| The.Goodbye. 12/24/2003 08:27:00 PM |

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--

[MooD]==[........speechlesss......]
[time]==[4.02pm]
[music]==[none]
---currently slacking!!! at hm wif VAL n EUNICE [da pretty gal]... hahahaha juz woke up not long ago! going for our 'lunch' haha yesterday was so much fun! haha val keep joking n eunice n me can't slp! hahaha so tired! hahah well blog later going to eat noWz!

i ain't a virgin !!--eunice



| The.Goodbye. 12/24/2003 04:02:00 PM |

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Tuesday, December 23, 2003

--

Why does it feel like night today
Something in here's not right today
Why am I so uptight today
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
or how the pressure was fed but
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
Like a face I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
Face that watches everytime I lie
Face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
The face inside is here in me right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like a face inside is right beneath my skin

I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes in me
You got a face the inside too
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what sets me off
but I know what I can stand
Everybody has infact the matter is
I can't add up to what you can
But everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face that watches everytime they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And it watches everything)
So it's no doubt when it's time to sink or swim
The face inside is watching you too right inside your skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like a face inside is right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like a face inside is right beneath my skin

(a face inside is right beneath your skin
a face inside is right beneath your skin
a face inside is right beneath your skin)

The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like a face inside is right beneath my skin
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like a face inside is right beneath my skin

I know this one thing that you probably don't know
My paranoia could go into anybody's souls

So screeeeeeeam!


| The.Goodbye. 12/23/2003 12:09:00 AM |

__________

Monday, December 22, 2003

--

[MooD]==[u.bet.i.m.dead.tired]..
[time]==[9.19pm]
[music]==[linkin.park]=[somewhere.i.belong]
---tired is a word i will use... to describe myself now.. cos i m dead TIRED!... had onli 2 hrs of slp... did nite stack again... haha cos sharon,syl,chups,val all staying sia!!! haha so i stayed too.. haha but i got myself to tired n all... n went to wakeboarding 1/4 awake... like shit man... during the nite stack.. was playing the linkin park album... shout like fuck! n sing like fuck! played eminem too n rap like fuck! hahaa tink some of dem muz be tinking dat i m crazy....haha yesterday... i nearly cried... or shld i say i did tear alil.. hai was tinking abt u all the while... until my face look so sianz n pissed.. everyone wonder way happen to me...hai den i told syl,val n flo dat hai i keep tinking abt u.. n they tok to me... n i was tearing alil... hai i reall feel like shit lor.. its at wrk n i really dun wana cry n i dun wan sharon and the rest to see me so pathetic lor.. so me,syl,val n flo sit away from the others... hai... really felt so shitty... den sharon asked me if i'm alrite when i went in the lunchrm n i juz look at her.. shook my head up n down.. den look away n sat down.. i felt so bad... cos i was attituding her... when she did nothing... hai n to the rest of the ppl i attitude-d to... sorrie bruthers i m such a let down... but well aft i played linkin park n all i got so much better....was cracking some jokes.. n all... but still.. not the same as before... aft the nite stack went to 107 to slack n some of dem ate.. me sharon,syl n val share the same cab..sent syl hm first den me den sharon.. she dun even noe how to say she wana go ntuc chalet... need me to tell the uncle for her can... kns.. rite... well got hm ard 6 took a bath until 6.11 got on my bed ard dat time too... den set the alarm at 7am.. but the stupid alarm didn't ring.. haha n i was late.. damn late... so i rush like fuck didn't gel hair n all n took a cab down to pick dem up n went to the place!!! haha oh man its tough k... not gona say much abt it.. its juz tough!! T.O.U.G.H real TOUGH n i did badly hahahaha really badly sia n now i can hardly feel my shoulders... my arms.. my fingers....my legs... its like all stretch out... i can't even clutch my fist... hahaha n yeah the wakeboard... damn tight lor fucking hell!... i got tis very painfull blueblack on my feet... damn fucking pain can... can hardly walk normally! well.. damn tired.. continue.. tml... really fucking tired... gotta rest n wrk tml !!!


| The.Goodbye. 12/22/2003 11:03:00 PM |

__________

Sunday, December 21, 2003

--

what do i do to ignore them behind me
do i follow my instincts blindly
do i hide my pride from these bad dreams
and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening
do i sit here and try to stand it
or do i try to catch them red-handed
do i trust some and get fooled by phoniness
or do i trust nobody and live in loneliness

because i can't hold on when i'm stretched so thin
i make the right moves but i'm lost within
i put on my daily facade but then
i just end up getting hurt again

by myself (myself)
i ask why (but in my mind i find)
i can't rely on myself (myself)
i ask why (but in my mind i find)
i can't rely on myself

i can't hold on
(to what i want when i'm streched so thin)
it's all too much to take in
i can't hold on
(to anything, watching everything spin)
with thoughts of failure sinking in

if i turn my back i'm defenseless
and to go blindly seems senseless
if i hide my pride and let it all go on
then they'll take from me til everything is gone
if i let them go i'll be outdone
but if i try to catch them i'll be outrun
if i'm killed by the questions like a cancer
then i'll be buried in the silence of the answer

by myself (myself)
i ask why (but in my mind i find)
i can't rely on myself (myself)
i ask why (but in my mind i find)
i can't rely on myself

i can't hold on
(to what i want when i'm streched so thin)
it's all too much to take in
i can't hold on
(to anything, watching everything spin)
with thoughts of failure sinking in

how do you think i've lost so much
i'm so afraid, i'm out of touch
how do you expect i will know what to do
when all i know is what you tell me to

don't you KNOW
i can't tell you how to make it GO
no matter what i do, how hard i TRY
i can't seem to convince myself WHY
i'm stuck on the outside

don't you KNOW
i can't tell you how to make it GO
no matter what i do, how hard i TRY
i can't seem to convince myself WHY
i'm stuck on the outside

i can't hold on
(to what i want when i'm streched so thin)
it's all too much to take in
i can't hold on
(to anything, watching everything spin)
with thoughts of failure sinking in

i can't hold on
(to what i want when i'm streched so thin)
it's all too much to take in
i can't hold on
(to anything, watching everything spin)
with thoughts of failure sinking




| The.Goodbye. 12/21/2003 04:32:00 AM |

__________

--

i m so amazed at myself... how a great liar i m... not abt how excited i was towards the wakeboarding.. is how lame i m n how 'happy' i was while chatting wif her... it hurts like hell... cuts like a knife... i m already full of cuts n wounds... i hate myself... really... but still i wanna tok to u so much... all ur profiles.. hurt like fuck u noe?...esp ur fridae profile damn nice pic sia! it hurts like fuck! LIKE FUCK!


| The.Goodbye. 12/21/2003 03:55:00 AM |

__________

--

gawd... chups toking to me abt boobS... ahahaa she is complaining dat she has small boobs? she damn crappy lor... kns.. hahaha keep saying she is fat?... gawd.. n say i m pretty... YUCKS!!!! haha kns lar EeEeEeEeEeeee... sucky sucky sucky hahaha haha its SUN!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!! MON IS SOON!!!! HAHAHA RAWK ON!!! AHAHA SO EXCITED.... haha kns.. alrite i shld stop! ahaha! gona go play ps2 le!!!!


| The.Goodbye. 12/21/2003 01:08:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[down]
[time]==[12.13am]
[music]==[evanescene]=[my.immortal]
---alrite.. bac to continue! ahahah syl,val n mel come over my house!! haha to watch linkin park dvd... well onli me n syl was enjoyin it... val.. happily slping.. haha mel... not very sure... haha slpt awhile i guess? well aft dat went down to tam ahaha to haf dinner.. but not me cos i ate already hahaha the 3 of dem den we went down toys saw chups, sharon, n shu qiong... haha but chups seems alil grouchy!... n so is sharon sia.. maybe cos yesterday dey wrk till 5+am too.. den today wrked full shift! haha so ke lian! haha haha oh well.. aftdat i bought tis fran chocolate sticks? offered all of dem outside.. haha n dat sharon... really can eat.. there is 3 packs.. inside.. haha i tink she ate 4? or 5? hahaha power.. hahaha... well nvm haha was feeling tired all the while man... haha juz wana smoke as much as possible! haha can't wait for mon!... haha alrite i tink i m crappy.. tink i m gona go play ps2 first! haha my bro's gf bought him tis steering wheel kit for the ps2 lor.. fucking chio! haha n nice sia!! gona go try it man haha...

--- yesterday during the nitestack.. break... supper break... i suddenly tot of u... n i almost cried.. out... hai.. i miss u so much.... why do i still miss u so much... when u dun even miss me at all... why.. m i so stupid... hai... fuck man... i shld really go n die... somebody save me... pls... i need so help... wake me up to my senses... hai.. Te quiero muchisimo forever..


| The.Goodbye. 12/21/2003 12:50:00 AM |

__________

Saturday, December 20, 2003

--

[MooD]==[tired]...[depressed]
[time]==[5.03pm]
[music]==[pink]=[just.like.a.pill]
--- woke up ard 3+pm close to four... got hm ard 5.30am... damn tired.. did nite stack! haha so tired! but its damn FUN LOR!!!... haha got SYL!! CHUPS SHARON!!!! n ME!!! haha n the rest also lar... haha was really busy doing wrk man... seriously busy... haha climb here n dere... damn ass sia... and its bloody hot! haha n my stupid button drop! n dat sharon said she swept it away n threw iT!!! kns lor.. haha so i took her back pocket button haha had a hard time taking it out man... used the cutter to cut.. so scared i cut her butt too!! haha den she was like just cut lar! hahaha oh well... aft a few mins of facing her butt! finally i got it off! hahaha but i didn't sew it straight away juz let my pants be dropping haha watever! haha alrite going to pick val n syl up to my house le! n smoke like fuck!!! haha continue later!!!


| The.Goodbye. 12/20/2003 05:04:00 PM |

__________

Friday, December 19, 2003

--

I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill



| The.Goodbye. 12/19/2003 03:45:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[tired]...[verytired]...[damntired]
[time]==[3.01am]
[music]==[evanesence]=[my.immortal]
--- went to the meeting... was damn sleepy... was late too... took cab wif syl... benson n leandro... down to the meeting... went dere wif low morale... really low morale... hai... tho' they are not gona take any actions... but i still feel shitty... cos i did something wrong... n i wasn't punished at all.. its juz not right... hai n every stuff's starcard points will be cleared... even those who activated wif their own purchase.. n all.. will all be erased... bcos of ppl like me... who do nothing but juz create trouble for ppl... n wasting ppl money.... hai wat an asshole i m... n guess wat.. i lost my zippo lighter... the one my bud n pal gave me for my b'day last year... i really feel like shit... i almost cried... its like my most precious lighter...n i was like saying lucky i brought the other one to cheong n lost it... so its not dat bad.. but today.. i tink i drop it in the cab on the way bac to tampines fr forum... gawd... me alison n tracy was like slping at the bac of the cab n all maybe i might haf dropped it.. without realising it.. hai it sucks.. i msg palpal n say i'm very sorrie.. hai... really like shit... really... damn fucked up... hai.. totally no mood to do my wrk... le... hai... got bac store ard 10.30am? ard dere... took my time to change n all... n was toking in the toliet wif alison n tracy... we were all so tired.. haha bui tahan...so wanted to slack as long as possible hahaha... i tink i onli slept 2hrs? haha well.. i didn't even noe if today was wed.. or thu when i went to forum wif syl.. i haf to ask her.. eh today wed? or thu? .... haha gawd.. i tink i haf lost track of life man... haha.. well today flo was wrking.. i didn;t even noe... tho' the roster is always in my pocket... yet i haf no idea! haha great huh.. haha well had lunch wif flo n her gf.. well feel kinda Extra haha but flo keep pulling me!... well den was like on the com in the office all the while.. printing the price n adjusting the size n fonts... oh man they dun haf photoshop nor freehand haha so i m kinda slow.. cos i haven been using powerpoiny n stuff for quite awhile...wa taking my own swt time to do it.. hahaha well plus the deskjet printer.. really slow... cos its juz a deskjet! haha well... den not long aft.. was dinner time! went to the arcade wif flo n alison play daytona!... n yeah alison keep saying she is the loser n all.. n for the daytona we played for free tho' haha cos i got frens wrking dere! haha but den we felt bad so we went to change coins n play the fireman!.. n of cos time crisis2 haha alison tried to play too.. but... she lost pretty soon ... haha n she said i even gain audience!!.. haha but i was juz tis close to complete the game.. haha damn pissed off... haha but well its not the first time i got audience haha used to it...[haha ok i m damn BHB] haha alrite.. den aft dat when to buy dinner n faster went back store cos we are LATE!!!! haha due to playing my time crisis i guesS?... haha n alison haha ate so fast n so gan cheong... haha while me n flo.. really took our time sia... hahaha n chit chaT! haha n yeah da stupid alison was like show-offing how she can go the brain-benders?.. or watever shit.. its some wooden blocks dat u haf to fixed it up into tis shape wif everything equal!.. haha i was like trying so hard to do it.. but really can't sia.. den i gave up actually.. aft awhile slacked den went bac dere to try again! haha n tis time i got it!!!! hahaha so happy sia!cos its really not easy haha... well today wrk really sucks.. was doing my straightening n suddenly tot abt u.. n almost cried.. but i can't alison is juz beside me helping my Zone... hai is so hard... missing u all the time.. n wanting to break down all the time.. hai its sucks.. esp when u are enjoying the hell out of urself while me.. down here missing u like crazy.. n crying all the while... its so hard... but still if tis is the price i haf to pay to haf u near me.. den i will pay it... hai.. today wrk was like shit... damn busy n very lil staff n i was still doing the pricing n all aft the straightening.. man using those big stapler n stapler all those shits on the wooden plank!... it sucks kies.. finger pain sia n the bloody staplets juz wun get in somehow! well i juz dun care hhahaa juz anyhow pint ar haha well in the end wrk ends at 1.30am... haha sucks rite? haha well today syl not wrking.. n sharon not wrking too... hmm tml chups is finally bac fr kl! haha n she is wrking tml Aftnn shift same as me n syl... hmm flo off... sharon morning.. i tink.. haaha.. well logging off to smoke... med... slp! daily routine... hahaha.. i miss u still...


| The.Goodbye. 12/19/2003 03:43:00 AM |

__________

Thursday, December 18, 2003

--

when u start qnsing me... did u ever tink abt how i feel?... i guess not... everything i said u doubt... wat do u want me to say... do u noe everyone is telling me dat i dun owe u any explaination to wat i did... n i shldn't be bothered by wat haf to say... i wished i could... but no.. i juz cannot not tink abt wat u feel... can't u see dat i m trying very hard... to be frens wif u... even tho' it hurts me so much... but still i wana be frens... if u tink dat i m juz acting infront of u abt me missing u so much... n all... den i m really speechless... really... u nvr see me... u nvr tok to me... n i mean the real me... no one has... but i guess on fri.. bud n the rest did... did u noe dat donut left earlier cos she cannot bear to see me like dat n do nothing... cos she promised me dat she wun say anything lor stop me fr doing anything... u noe how much i hate to disappoint my frens... but dat day... i guess i was a huge disappointment to everyone... u noe how i feel when u msg me yesterday n qns me... n saying dat i was acting... do u noe how i really feel... if dere is someone new in my life.. i will admit.. but no... she is not.. even tho' i tok abt her... so?.... she reminds me of u... cos she use the same phone as u... tho' the looks n all really.. not like u at all... but the phone... somehow... brings bac the memories of us... the photos n all... hai... all i ever think abt is u... i tried so hard not to write abt u in my blog... its hard... i took damn long... n so many backspace... cos u will juz pop up... every single second... n i haf to backspace to erase dem... n i keep telling myself... dat no matter wat i said it wun change ur heartless actions... yes heartless is the word i will use.. if u tink its strong.. den tink abt me feeling the heartless action fr u... u always dun realised things dat u done can affect somebody so much.. be it gd or bad... u nvr realised... u juz tink dat its always ok n u always duno wat u did wrong... no i was not saying abt us... no... seriously i nvr tot u were wrong in anyting.. i always blamed myself for watever has happen... saying u heartless is not blaming u... is qnstioning myself.. wat did i do to make u do all those to me... like i told u... when u leave me... u took away the better part of me... its the first time in my life... i feel dat... no one can save me... the first time in m life... i feel dat the whole world is crushing down on me... living without u is tough enough... but there juz haf to be more to add on my tired shoulders... i noe i deserve watever has happen... i dun blame anyone but myself... when u said dat u are always here as a fren... but i nvr confide in u... i tried... i really tried... but i cannot help but tink bac the times when u are still mine... i m tearing all the while toking to u online... even tho; my replys are crappy, joyful n lame... i dun wan u to feel weird when we are chatting so i had to really pretend i was really seriously happy... its hard.. but still i m not gona stop... i told u dat... i noe dat i m the onli who can save myself... but i m not gona save myself... i m juz gona let myself destroy myself... not to make u pity me... seriously not... i told u dat i m alrite.. doing alot of stuff... n make myself so happy infront of u... cos i wan u to noe dat i'm ok... tho' i duno if u really care... but the truth is i cannot face myself at all... everyday is another day of lies... everything every happy emotions... was juz more sins on my load... its really heavy carrying all the sins... i m really tired... i m really sick of tis life... later in less den 4 hrs time... gona go for the meeting... tink it shld be abt the starcard thing... well i m prepared for the worse... so when nothing happens it will be a blesssing rather den i m taking it for granted... but i really want something to happen... cos the guilt in me will not go away... if nothing happens... hai its late... tink i shld be resting soon... gona take smoke n my med n to bed.. need to wake up at 6.30am... sucks... well i shld take one med.. if not i can't wake up... n i'll be late... hai... fuck tis life... somebody kill me.. pls... seriously... n i mean it.... kill me....


| The.Goodbye. 12/18/2003 04:04:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[depressed]...[very.depressed]
[time]==[3.35am]
[music]==[puddleofmud]...[blurry]
---today... was actually...not a bad.. day... wrked aftnn shift... went to wrkplace early... wanted to help carrie take pictures for her sch... but da camera... went low batt... wtf... waste my time to go dere early... syl n sharon was wrking full... hmm so i went in n saw sharon having her lunch... she was juz finishing so i ask her wana go toliet n slack?... n yeah we went toliet to slack while she juz sits on the floor n rot.. n i as usual... smoking like fuck... haha didn't really tok much... i was tired... damn tired... den aft dat i msg syl to come join us.. but dat stupid idiot...went for lunch... kns... so we are like practically slacking in the toliet n discussing abt wrk.. abt the shifts n all... n yeah told her abt my mum found my cigs... like shit man.. my dad take my cig n smoke lor... wtf... feel like shit!... ok nvm.. dun wana tok abt dem... aftdat.. i did some rewrk.. a minor one.. wif angela[crazysup] haha den went to the toliet n slack... was really damn slackieee mood... was really damn tired... maybe cos i ate 3pills yesterday... cos i couldn't slp when i ate one.. so i decided to take 2 instead... hahaha well nvm the rest of wrk juz suck lar... was waiting for my break to come.. so i can slack openly... haha well haf dinner wif syl n sharon again.. went up ate some hokkien mee... n syl ate some penang kuey tiao? duno if i got dat rite... n sharon juz fruit... i tink papaya?.... well had some jokes n all... den went to toliet n slack... n syl was v pissed off tho' abt some shit dat is happening... well wrkin is like dat.. alot of backstabbings n all.. we juz haf to make sure dat we are not the backstabbers... rite syl... so juz fuck it kies... aft awhile syl went to changed n to punch our cards.. so left me n sharon again.. tis time.. we toked abt wrk again.. i juz told her dat the cut off pay n stuff for toys is like in the middle of the mth.. so today we wrk the pay is like onli next mth den get... n she was like... huh serious ar... well... den we were toking abt cheoning... n well she go hendrix too man... last time... during her june hols... n she is onli 14 or 15 den... n she can pass.... she really look matured... well she went monks bfore too.. a few times... i not sure?... i kinda forgot... den yah said alil abt cheoging to her too.... n she was like saying those bruises on my legs.. izit bcos i was drunk... hahah n i was like yeah ... n i told her i m really sick of cheonging... really... but i keep going now... cos dats like the only way i can see u... but somehow... i juz cannot control my feelings... when i see u... all i wana do is to drink n get drunk... n wake up sensless... n maybe do some stupid stuff... n make myself brood over it... to take my mind off missing u... but still it doesn't... nothing takes my mind out of u... all i ever tok abt to my bud when i m drunk... is u... juz you... hai... tell me wat m i supposed to do... cos i m really tired... of all these... miss u nites.... really.. tired... wanted to feel happy so much... but i juz can't smile truthfully... when u are not here bside me to share my happiness... n joy... tho' i haf none of those now... cos... u are not wif me anymore...


| The.Goodbye. 12/18/2003 02:41:00 AM |

__________

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

--

I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me



| The.Goodbye. 12/17/2003 03:44:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[mixed]...[depressed]...[alil.upset]
[time]==[11.55pm]
[music]==[none]
---alrite.. first time.. juz now my mum go search my jeanz... n found my cig... best sia.. fucking suay lor i forgot to take out... when i went to bathe... wah biangz.. den she ask me n i said yes i smoke!.. haha den she juz scold scold scold.. so i juz let her scold lor.. n she took away.. my cig sia.. juz bought onli lor.. but also left not much... tink ard 6sticks? or less.. haha jee tink i smoke alot today... well.. hai really fucking suay... seriously... dec n nov.. really sucks... really... fucking hell! but den the wakeboarding is defintely cheering me up!... haha tis MON!!! haha can't wait!... well today went down town... supposed to go retouch my tattoo... but i meet flo at 12pm cos going down to meet syl for lunch at 12.... haha den we were slacking n slacking ard.. den flo was like asking where is the tattoo place.. den i was like near tanglin.. den she was like wanna go dere... n den i said.. huh... dat redant wrking dere sia... haha n den flo was like... haiyah go lar.. why she dere we cannot go izit... den i tink abt it.. kinda true lar.. cannot go meh.. somemore if i go i can get my HONEY STICKS!!! haha damn i tink i m really addicted to the honey sticks dere.. the mint flavour!! i bought 4sticks i tink! haha n i gave flo one! haha den went to the magic tricks.. watever the name is.. haha there are some really interesting thing inside sia.. wanted to buy something to see if i can hang on my shirt... haha but dun haf.. haha i wanted to buy the toliet rolls haha n dere is tis BIG POPPER!!!! haha really wanted to buy sia... haha but flo ask me not to be stupid.... hahaha... alrite...haha u noe all the way rite... ur ann is staring at us?... i was like... wtf... i cannot come here izit.. but nvm i keep quiet... not bcos i m scared or scared trouble its dat.. i dun wana dirty my eyes... or wat.. but flo... haha she is really those... pai kia kind...lor... she is super unhappy wif her staring n stuff... tho' i m not happy too but i was like fuck it lar.. i dun haf time for all these n i m a GENTLEMAN REMEMBER?.. haha n flo n her was lik staring all the waY? hahah i was like tinking its kinda funny lar... haha but i kinda scare flo will wana go n comfront sia.. haha she is defintely up to it one lor... cos i dun wana dirty my hands... haha.. i m i m bad.. but seriously... haha i dun wan lor.. haha so i ask flo oi dun play along lar... haha well i went to buy the honey sticks well flo went to walk past the shop she is wrking haha cos she wana see her.. den aft dat i buy finish flo also walk finish haha den i was like eh i wana go to dat magic watever tricks shop! haha so we walked to the shop n dat redant saw us n walked out of her store n starting toking on the phone n i was like muz be calling YOU!!!!!! haha i m so fucking clever!!! hahaha den i was like hmm lets see wat she gona say to u! hahaha n i was like tinking u sure will call me one lor... but still i continue doing wat i wana do n dat is go to dat shop!!! haha aft dat didn't manage to get any stuff to hang on my shirt.. den went out.. n i went to get more HONEY STICKS!!! haha cos i juz now bought 2 nia n i gave flo one! she loves it too lar haha den 1 stick is not enough for me lor.. so i went bac to buy another 2 haha n if i wana buy i muz walk pass her dat shop opp lor.. if not there is no way i can buy rite? n flo was like telling me.. she still on the phone n keep looking at us... den i was like really ar? haha fuck it lar.. i wana get my honey sticks! hahaha den aft dat i wanted to go to the toliet man.. tho' going the other way will be faster.. but dat means i haf to walk past her n i was like nvm we take the long way.. if not we walk past.. her duno wat she will saY? haha den walked the long way to the toliet! haha n yeah u CALLED!!! see i m so cleveR!!!! haha i knew u will call!!! hahaha but too bad lar i was releasing myself so didn't pick up! haha aft i finished i called u bac... haha n i knew u will ask me alot of qns man! haha seriously i can juz dun ans u at all... do u noe? haha but i was like nvm lar.. its ok... i didn't do anything wrong... lor so no point HIDING!! so juz say lor.. haha n when u said dat my fren got big eyes! haha flo was like saying THANKS! haha but den u haf to realised.. if she didn't looked at us.. how she noe we look at her?.... come on lor... but den again.. i didn't look.. maybe a glance.. cos no choice lor i haf to face her shop in order to get the honey sticks lor!... i was like kns! haha... i juz dun understand why izit dat when we walked the other way to the toliet she muz walk the other way near the toliet too to look at us n tok on the phone! haha why? we took handsome?... haha nvm its ok lar.. huh... dun worry kies.. i'm not dat kind who go beat ppl up one... pls i m a gentleman kies.. i dun do despicable stuff... OK! haha nvm i tok to u at outside the toliet haha me n flo was sitting down n laughing toking to u man... haha cos its like everything i guess its correCT! ahaha so funny lor.. but nvm aft dat rite.. we went out n went down! went to barang barang! haha love dat shop lor the furniture dere is damn nice!! haha... n yeah FLO SAY SHE IS STILL STARING!!!! ahah n flo was like saying she is sick of it le haha flo noe is dat when we went down the esc she was looking haha guess dats the last time flo look up too hahaha den i duno if she still got stare at us hahaha... concluded... childishness... haha i haf to admit lar flo also alil paikia haha so was i lor haha maybe i give those super boh chap face even tho' she is like STARING SO HARD AT US hahaha well.. seriously lar... i cannot be bothered to make trouble for her can... pls get it in ur head n her head?... n dun come n qns me lor... unless u tell me dat i haf no right to step into tanglin k... i still WAN MY HONEY STICKS LOR!! pls note dat i go bac dere rite! mainly is FOR MY HONEY STICKS!!! N CIGS!! but the cigs is for val lar.. haha cos aft we meet val she say she wana buy cig den we meet at forum den there is tis mama shop dere.. but dun haf the cig named cool so we walked down walked pass the tattoo shop went dere n saw the sign.. be right bac.. kaoz.. den the next place we tot of is tanglin mall to get the stupid cigs cos the money changer got sell! haha so we walked down n we SAW A MAMA SHOP! haha dat we missed the last time?.... we went in dere!! kns COOL SOLD OUT TOO!!! ONLI LEFT HEAT! haha den we are like fuck lar no choice but to really go dere le lor... haha lucky when we go dere we manage to buy the cigs n VAL BOUGHT 3 packs can... stock up... haha but i'm still smoking my salem... i m loyal... u see... hard to change.. haha so when we reach dere... i cannot help but keep tinking abt the honey sticks...! haha so i said i want to buy!!!!!! but i dun wana walk dere... if not later she see again... she call u again say i go down again n blah blah blah!... so i asked flo n val to help me buy! haha 1stick! haha cos i tink i ate too much... already... haha its juz so tempting... den i sat at the seat n val put her laptop down n i waited for dem dere... haha i tink i fell aslp sia... cos they took damn long... haha u noe why?... i told dem to buy mint flavour lor... den i think they are like choosing damn long on which one to buy to trick me... can.. haha once they buy... i noe already lor.. the mint got one white strip on the stick one.. n the one they buy dun haf... n i was like eh u sure its mint not... den they said yea sure... so i was like ok i tried den YUCK its like SOME SOUR APPLE! flavour! n i stared at val! haha den she was like walk back into the shop n buy me the mint flavour hahaha n i threw away the watever sour apple or watever shit flavour haha den we went down n went to the sport shop n val bought nose clip! for her canoeing haha well aft dat flo went off to meet her gf at bedok n me n val walked bac to the tattoo shop! haha but damn fuck lor i went bac dere den he say erm aft 1 n 1/2 mths den can retouch... kaoz... kns waste my time!!!!! hahaha den aft dat went to lucky plaza!! cos val wanted to get some dry bag for her canoeing sia... n i was like looking at the wet suits n all!! getting prepared for my canoeing course alreadY hahaha but tink not so soon lar... $$$ not enough! hahah n oh yeah there is tis new tattoo!!! call the UV tattoo! haha its like u tattoo can cannot see one... onli when u go under those uv lights or wat den can see!! oh man i tell u lor... i m gona get dat uv tattoo lor! on my neck!!!! or somewhere dere!! haha i always wanted one on my side neck or back neck hahah best sia!!! can't wait!!! haha but its gona be more EX den the normal one hahaha well dun care! im gona do it lor!... aft dat went far east.. walk ard den took cab back... haha so tired.. i fell aslp in the cab for awhile... den got hm... n yah mum found my cig n stuff... hhaha dad juz came bac.. mum told him nvr scold me tho'... oh well fuck it.. i ain't gona quit lor... no way... u are juz gona make things worse lor.. cos u noe waT? i m over 18... u can't stop me from smoking... alrite... dats it for now hahaha... oh yeah.. sharon didn't come along.. she tis rich kid enjoying spar...n all.. kns..n she has to go for tuition! WAHAHAHA!


| The.Goodbye. 12/17/2003 01:25:00 AM |

__________

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

--

Everything's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You can be my scene
You know that I'll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doin'
Imagine where you are
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Chorus:
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face

Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
So make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
'Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You can be my scene
You know that I will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doin'
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Repeat Chorus

This pain you gave to me

Oh,
Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you where to run away
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you where to run away

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

NOOOOOO!

This pain you gave to me

Take it all away
Take it all away





| The.Goodbye. 12/16/2003 03:08:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[alrite]
[time]==[2.31am]
[music]==[none]
--- wrking again!... well got the news dat the starcard thingy will be settled by tis week... well... not really worried tho'... weird huh?... haha watever.. haha GUESS WAT sharon onli 15!!! gawd.. she look like she is 18? or older..lor... haha oh man... haha she fr sjC lor!! haha anyway.. today at wrk... was clearing cartons as usual... den haha i was practically slacking... ALL....THE....WAY.... haha smoke alot today! n my taste bud... like numb... haha guess smoking without butt is really bad... man.. haha had dinner wif SYL N SHARON!!!! haha ate long john!... haha was cooooool!!!! hahaha den aft dat slack in the toliet!!!!...den i continue slacking... haha well aft flo's dinner [her gf came down n surpise her man] we were slacking in the toliet!... toking abt alot of stuff n tok abt my relationship wif my family... hai sad man.. really sad... i juz cannot take away the fact dat my dad cheated on my mum... dats why i hate him so much!... hai well.. nvm... dun wana tok abt it... den when its closing den i went to the lunchrm saw syl tok to her awhile den sharon came in den flo came in.. haha den we psycho sharon to stay for the straightening!! haha n she did!! giftwrappers dun need to stay for straightening one!... haha well den aft dat we went to claim cab! haha but we went to eat supper first together!!!! me sharon,flo,syl,hockwee n a few more guys... n joey dat promoter...ate fishballs noodles... feel like puking aft dat... haha den we were playing wif joey's hp... duno wat panasonic camera phone den keep taking pics! haha den i took a pic of sharon!!... haha wanted to send over to my phone... but like cannot sia.. ahaha joey say something wrong wif her phone haha duno lar watever hahaha den aft dat me,sharon,syl n flo shared cab hm! well tml going to retouch my tattoo!!! finally haha wif flo! n maybe sharon den meeting syl too aft wrk most prob! haha n VAL of coS!!! haha alrite so happy!! haha n so tired!!! hahaha


| The.Goodbye. 12/16/2003 02:49:00 AM |

__________

Monday, December 15, 2003

--

preparing to go wrk... juz had my lunch... really feel like puking...yesterday when i got hm fr the cab i puked everything out man haha at the lift of my house tho' haha gawd.. wanted to wake up late so can escape the lunch... but my mum juz haf to kp me up n scold me abt yesterday saying i come hm late n stuff... wah biang u already said u are not gona care abt me den why do u still care.. can ur pls keep to ur word! wat an ass! spoil my mood n make me wana puke!... kaoz... recieve 2 msg fr syl... regarding the starcard... hmm something bad has happen duno which fucker got his card swipe till got 6K points... kns lor.. the fucker wanna drag ppl down sia... i dun even use the card lor cos i scared i will drag ppl down... chee bye kia! haha well nvm lar... watever happens its meant to happen alrite.. i m juz gona let things untouched n let the things happen like fuck if they haf to! haha n oh yeah had a weird dream.. tink i dream abt u... abt someting u wrote on ur blog.. haha so weird man.. dun remember wat but its not very gd one hahaha I'll make it on my own
Off to work I go, back to this 8 mile road



| The.Goodbye. 12/15/2003 01:21:00 PM |

__________

--

i had a bad day again
said i could not understand
slam the door and said i'm sorry
i had a bad day again! --- dats all i remember... haha



| The.Goodbye. 12/15/2003 04:48:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[tired]...[very tired]...[fucking tired]
[time]==[3.34am]
[music]==[none]=[fucking.hell.my.bro's.earphones.spoilt]
---juz bathed... fucking hell.... duno wats wrong wif the shower thingy... cannot change the fucking pressure... den the water... fucking strong... knn... i shower damn fast lor... pain sia... when i try to shower my shoulders n legs.. the bruises dere.... fucking pain sia... hahaha alrite today wrk... really sucks... damn busy... lots of stuff to do... gotta do service area... den nvm noe... everyone break 1/2 hr.... CCB... haha den aft dat hirman[store director] ask me do some shits.. some christmas shits... displaying stuff sia... n was like...fuck so many items... is to be displayed on juz 18feet shelves... wah biang... big challenge sia... i tink got over 20 different item.. sia... somemore its alot lor... haha i was like fucking suay today... so busy need to do service area plus tis shit.. den keep kena call to help the fucking service area take stuff... i noe i can climb without ladder lar... i noe i m fast...i noe i m gd[HAHAHA]... i noe i dat i noe alot of stuff i noe dat i m helpful[LOOK ard] i noe dat i can be count on one but pls laR CANNOT SEE I DOING FUCKING ALOT OF WRK! hahaha... kns... sia ask me take tis take dat... go to the SM room take all those electronic stuff or watever shit... i not lar i can juz climb up the shelves without using ladder... i noe i m FIT haha i noe dat i noe exactly where all the stuff is... i noe lar the best is i can juz climb on the fucking carton n not worrying if i will fall... hahaha... pls lar... haha u tink i very free ar?... haha i spend the whole day doing dat christmas display stuff lor...haha but i really fucking stress sia.. tinking how shld i display in order to get everything out.. haha tell u kies.. u tink wrking at toys is shameful... tink again kies... it takes alot of brains n hardwrk man... n of cos some logic n designing shit... haha seriously sia... i manage to get everyting on the fucking shelf hhahaa all fully displayed! haha aft dat felt so gd!!! haha n of cos sharleen helped me too lar.. she helped me display the stuff well i clearing the space n tell her how she shld put it.. haha n she helped mw priced tag the item... hahaha n yeah val started wrk at ard 7? not sure haha she juz came bac fr canoeing haha red cheeks... n tanned! haha i m gona go for the canoe course like soon! aft i get my pay haha i wana do alot stuff wif my pay sia... haha MOST IMPT!! TATTOO!!! den CANOE!!! of cos wakeboarding is maybe soon haha gona set up the date! haha can't wait sia! den HOPEFULLY DRUM... BUT DEN LIKE ABIT THE LAZY..!!! cos take duno how long the stupid course! haha... got so many things to buy man... haha oh Yeah n MY driving ! haha man gona get it asap! haha fuck lar so many things to get haha but TATTOO is DEF FIRST! haha alrite bac to wrk! haha oh yeah flo came down! wif her gf of cos.. haha den i went tower tok to her haha n guess wat! when we were walking out the tower cum lunch rm! i fell down sia... fucking hell.. like totally down on the floor! didn't see the stupid 'big' children car! haha n my leg got stuck in between the car n the stack of 'BOOKS' kns sia... n its like rite at the entrance of the lunch rm lor! haha lucky not much ppl... but fucking hell lor... i fell on my rite shoulders... n bUTT!!! the shoulders damn pain lor... hit the BLUE BLACK place somemore knn... n my butt was numb awhile! hahaha n u noe wat not! florence saw den she laugh lor.. n she helped me up lar.. haha den she go n ask her gf if she got see me fall... kns... wat a fren huh... haha nvm lar... i tink tis one not as disgraceful as fri one... cheebye n keep wondering how many times i fall sia.. when i look at myself!!!! haha kns man... there is a wrapper gal who got the style of ah zhong sia... haha tanned! hahaa n guess wat she stay at seragoon gardens lor.. n we were planning to eat at the prata shop like juz nearby! haha so i asked her if she wanna join us later.. haha den she say atar prata sucks ... wah n i was like... sure ar... n i ask sharleen eh u sure its nice not? hahaha fucking hell... felt alil bianged.. hahaha.. n u noe wat val say abt her haha the gift wrapper gal name is sharon haha val say she got a fierce face sia... haha got abit lar... but no leh.. juz now when she was pushing all the wrapper tables n chairs in ar... haha n she pushed all the wrong way n i was like wah biang u always nvr do rite.. always ask ppl to do for u rite... all wrong sia... haha n she keep laughing n laughing... kns lar val.. maybe its bcos u got the pai kia face dats why she fierce to u... haha... or maybe cos i m in a damn lamey mood haha cos i really tok rubbish all the way sia... n all the wrappers girls is supposed to go in n pack their stuff to go hm haha but they stayed on to chat awhile haha kns! VAL WRK MORE OFTEN!!! n u will be like mE! so likeable...[pukes].... hahhaa j/k lar huh n yeah aft wrk went to eat supper! at 'atar?' somewhere near seragoon gardens! like juz opp? haha duno lar.. huh somewhere dere wif val, sharleen n marcus ate quite alot.. haha duno why.. n smoke alot sia.. until sharleen has to tell me to stop smoking without the fucking butt! haha she say i smoke alot n stuff ... haha but still... i continue n smoke! haha den the table got a whole bunch of cotton wool! fr my cig butt! haha so used to smoking without the butt! haha i noe its harmful lar.. but u noe ar... its damn strong lor.. haha fucking shiok! but aft a cig my tounge like fucking pain lor.. haha n my throat too! haha but hell wif it.. shiok can already! haha we left ard 2+ 3 but val left ard 1+ haha she need to sch tml ya see haha oh man so tired!... tml wrking aftnn shift... sianz... same as sharon i tink sharleen off sylvia full! haha dat means i will get to see my bruther! hahaha alrite going to bed man... haha my med like running out haha kns... haha alrite signing off wif the song! haha ok part of the song? cos i duno the fucking tittle! haha anyone noe pls... leave me a MSG AT MY GUESTBK KIES! haha look the lyrics really mean something sia! haha alrite of to take med... N ZZzzzzZZzzz


| The.Goodbye. 12/15/2003 04:47:00 AM |

__________

Sunday, December 14, 2003

--

Baby girl
You know my situation
And sometimes I know you get impatient
But you don't put on a show to get ovations
Take it to court and go through litagations
And I respect ya gangsta
Treat you like a princess
And put some on your neck to thank ya
Shes my pinch hitta
When they startin lineup aint playin right
I come off the bench wit her
It might sound like im gassin ya
But it takes time to get from the back seat to the passenger
We been creepin and sneakin
Just to keep it from leakin
We so deep in our freakin
That we don't sleep on the weekend
Wife is a little bit uptight
Wonderin why I keep comin home in the middle of the night
It'll be alright if ya bump heads it'll be a fight
But i said it'll be alright
C'mon

I really wanna be with you
But I gotta be real with you
I can't leave you alone
And I know im livin' wrong
But i can't let ya go
Your the one i want in my life
Already got a wife
Can't leave you alone
And I know im livin wrong
But I can't let ya go

You aint ever step out of line
Or get out a pocket
So i made sure canary sent out your locket
To protect you, i'll get out and cock it
And you know the barrel of my gun is big enough to spit out a rocket
Oh, you gonna play dumb if cops do come through
I gotta keep the top up if my drop do come through
But i know the boutiques and shops you run through
So i cop her one, and cop you one too
You always get a daily page, weekly ring
Plus you aint too shy to do them freaky things
I aint gotta put a ban on your finger
Or worry about you tellin the whole world i'm your man while on Springer
At first you were somethin i denied
Something I would slide
Just to do somethin in the ride
But shorty
Theres something you provide
Cause the entre ain't as good without somethin on the side
U know


I really wanna be with you
But I gotta be real with you
I can't leave you alone
And I know im livin' wrong
But i can't let ya go
Your the one i want in my life
Already got a wife
Can't leave you alone
And I know im livin wrong
But I can't let ya go


Uh oh, i might be leavin the earth soon
My girl gonna kill me if she smell the scent of your perfume
Its gonna be a clit toss if I go back
With stains of your lip gloss on my throwback
She wont care if im a platinum rapper
If she catch me with an empty magnum wrapper
So keep it on the down low call the car-celly
You seen what happened with Mr. Big and R Kelly

You know I care 4 you
Anytime this chick is there for you
These feelings im'ma share wit you
Which makes it a little more clear for you

I really wanna be with you
But I gotta be real with you
I can't leave you alone
And I know im livin' wrong
But i can't let ya go
Your the one i want in my life
Already got a wife
Can't leave you alone
And I know im livin wrong
But I can't let ya go



| The.Goodbye. 12/14/2003 04:24:00 AM |

__________

--

hmm toking to val and chups now... hmm tink i m crashing to bed soon cos i wana smoke den take the med den slp... n den tml off to wrk i go again... so fucking sianz... wrk wrk wrk... if onli dats all i tink abt... hai but its not... there is always so many other things... like u... hai... guess its juz u


| The.Goodbye. 12/14/2003 03:41:00 AM |

__________

--

i noe today i post alot of msges... first one is abt my parents second is abt the tok wif zhong n now tis one is abt adeline... my online fren... hai today the tok was so serious.... i felt alil shitty .... n she was harsh on me... n den suddenly... i woke up... i told her i will not kill myself... but i will not prevent myself fr dieing... as in if there is any chance dat my body is in bad health n i haf to stop smoking n stop drinking to save it... i wun... in fact i will smoke even more... drink even more... she juz said dat its is commiting suicide... she say its the same... hai... she said dat when i made my choice to die young... i nvr tink for the others... i noe i m selfish... but living tis life is really tiring... den adeline ask me wat will u feel if my ex tell me all these.... which is u[75] n i was like... alike stunned... cos i nvr ask myself tis qns... guess i was really selfish.... but somehow when she ask me dat qns... i was actually wondering... if she will feel wat i feel if she were to tell me dat... maybe not... hai... i duno.. i'm kinda scared of the ans... everytime toking to her made me cry... but aft dat somehow i feel alil better... hai.. she will always wake me up.... but i still disappoint her... always.. n i feel so bad.... sorrie adeline... i noe u dun read my blog... cos i didn't give u the add n i wun wan u to read my blog... cos i tink its gona make u more disappointed... hai... i m really sorrie.... danks for always being dere


| The.Goodbye. 12/14/2003 02:44:00 AM |

__________

--

had a tok wif zhong zi on msn... i felt restricted wif wat i can say... like things abt the relationships... so i didn't say much at first... den she told me she read my blog... n heard abt the trouble i was in... n abt how i was coping wif the break up... so i told her no i'm not really worried abt the trouble... n seriously i dun care anymore... cos i dun haf the energy to care abt it... den she ask i guess ur still not over the break up... hai since she read my blog.. den i will haf to juz say the truth... i m really not over yet... since the dat i met u... the love i had for u... have nvr fade... even till now... she told me she feels alil bad dat she saw it comming yet she didn't tell me.... n i said its ok... cos i understand... n somehow i feel it... cos u were kinda obvious... she told me to move on... i noe i had to... but i noe i can't juz say it n do it dat simple... she said dat her frens told her dat the cure for heartbreak is to start a new relationship... hai... i knew jess did... but i didn't n i dun tink i will... not now... i told chups once in the toliet...smoking i may seem happy n crappy n nonsensical all the time... but seriously i m not... she looked kinda shocked... n kept quiet for awhile... hai i duno... its really hard to not tink of u... its really hard to forget abt it... i noe i dun need to not tink abt u n dun need to forget abt you... but tell me how to cope wif my life... every morning... i wake up.. its a habit dat i check my hp for ur msges... but nw.. there is no more... i really feel so lost... i always wake up looking forward to ur msges... always ... now its all gone... n i really felt lost.... but like wat zhong zi said.. i need to move on... like u... n she noes dat i m not gona move on dat fast like u... cos we are different ppl... i understand dat... i'm glad dat me n zhong can still be frens... n i m glad dat she is willing to listen to my probs... n give me advice... anyway zhong if u can read tis... bon voyage to u!... n enjoy urself to the maX!! haha remember bring me some gifts? hahaha j/k enjoy urself alrite!....take care


| The.Goodbye. 12/14/2003 02:18:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[painful.throat]...[damn.depressed]...[still.badly wonded]
[time]==[12.10am]
[music]==[MLTR]=[actor]
---had a fight wif my dad.... a serious quarrel... a bad bad quarrel... n i tink tis time we haf really fall out... i shouted at him in public... n told him i hate him as a father n he also said he dun need a daughter like me... i really dun wished to tok abt the quarrel... cos it ain't gona help... last time everytime aft a quarrel... u will tell me to not be angry.. its ok... n stuff... tis time... ur not... n tis time... the quarrel is the worse i ever had wif dem... i feel so crushed wif everything happening in my life.. the last time i need is for dem to judge me... i noe its not their fault cos i dun dem things dat happen in my life... but things he said.. hurt me.. n i juz keep quiet... until he gets so worked up n continue shouting n raising his voice at me... n start saying things n bringing up the past.. n use it to judge me now... he is still bringing up dat i always go hm late aft sch... n all... during the times when we are together... it juz sucks lor... its the past.. i dun do it anymore.. if he is already against me... den i guess dere is nothing more to say.... my life now is really screwed up... everything is wrong... everything.... even tho' i haf my frenship... ard.. but i guess the rest is gone... all gone... n u... gone... too... gone wif someone... new... rite now.. i have fallen... i noe its up to me to climb bac up... i noe its hard.. n somehow i m running away fr it... losing anything wun be dat bad... but losing u... is something dat make me fall all the way down.... all my frens say dat it will make me stronger... but i rather be weak n haf u rite wif me now... wished u were here like u always were when i quarrel wif my parents..... i miss u still...


| The.Goodbye. 12/14/2003 02:02:00 AM |

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Saturday, December 13, 2003

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[MooD]==[shittfied]...[depressed]...[bruised]...[aching]...[hangover]...[everything bad]
[time]==[2.41pm]
[music]==[eminem]=[run.rabbit.run]
---woke up ard 1pm?... ard dere... didn't noe how i got hm yesterday... until budbud called me up n tok to me asking if i'm alrite.... she was the one who sent me hm.. n put me on bed... i was so tired.. fell aslp straight away.. but not for long.. i tink i woke up ard 4+? bud told me dat she send me hm ard 3.30am.. so i guess i slpt for 1hr den woke up... duno why.. couldn't slp... so i woke up..went to checked the door n my keys... den i went to get changed.. n i realised i lost my zippo lighter... the red one.. fuck ar... n i got lost of brusies... alot... my back... got so many blue blacks... my knee so many scratches... my elbow.. scars all ard..... like fuck sia.... haha nvm den i went to take 2 pills den went to bed... aft dat woke up ard 1+ den budbud called me.. n asked me if i'm ok.. den i ask her to tell me wat did i did yesterday... n man there is alot of things she said.. dat i didn't know i did... she said dat i duno step on how many ppl... n duno pushed how many ppl on the dancefloor... n yea saw kaew there.. she asked me where is my gf... den i told her dat we broke up n the real reason! first time i tell someone without tinking twice... the real reason... feel kinda gd aftdat.. n if i'm not wrong dat person is kaew fren? haha but guess wat kaew dun even remember her name.. muz see face... guess its really juz fren... huh.. i even pointed her to kaew.. but she was back facing.. ahaha n kaew was like.. erm muz see face lar... hahaha so funny sia.. den i told kaew dat she is in her friendster lor...n kaew was like.. huh sure not? haha oh well.. nvm.. aft dat i went to find niki, nady n swap... at the pool table.. i wrote my name dere.. but den when its closing to my turn... i was drunk already.. so budbud erase off my name... so sad... i wanted to play so much!!!.... well but i fell at the pool table... so i guess i shldn't play too.. haha went up the stairs den i went straight down on the floor n niki was playing pool lor.. den she had to faster grab me up n push me to sit at the side beside her gf... n the gf turn n tok to me.. tell me to not be like dat.. n she said she noes heard abt wat happen... n she told me dat i m so handsome.. can always find someone new.. den i was like... oh man... so many ppl know... gawd... but i was kinda happy cos she said i m handsome... n she pat my face... n say handsome wat... hahaha so funny can... den bud bud came n look for me... n i tink she couldn't find me and she saw u so she asked u... if u seen me... u said no... but ur GF saw me n told budbud dat i m at the pool area... aftdat went dancing wif budbud....haha kinda funny tho'... well before dat was dancing wif niki... niki's gf forgot the name... n swap... haha dance awhile onli.. cos... the songs like not very nice to dance to.. so went bac to the pool dere to slack.. haha... i ordered 2 long island... n drank dem at one goal... den we ordered 2 jug of beer... n guess wat.. i tink i drank 1 jug of beer... cos the i keep drinking n drinking nonstop... n boy DOES BEER SUCKS!!! made me burp like fuck... n its so not tasty... haha long island so much better... haha the guy at the entrance told me dats the strongest drink sia... n i was like.. huh... no graveyard? den he said no.. biangz.. so i ordered 2 long island in order to make me drunk plus lots of beer...!! well i told bud bud to not control me... n not to stop me from drinking... n bud agree... she tinks dat its gd for me ... to release my feelings... well so i'm kinda glad... dat she didn't stop me frm getting 2 long island.. haha but she did say me when she discovered den i drank finish dem before they haven even drank half of their half-cup full beer... the long island not very small leh.. quite big glass... wif straw somemore... haha den aft the 2long island i guess i wasn't quite rite already... den i continue to the jug of beer... well aft awhile when i wanted to go toliet... i nearly fell... n aftdat all i remember is dat i went bac n drink lots of beer.... so when bud bud called me i asked her everything... sia... she told me i was toking loudly... i couldn't even walk straight... n i keep saying i m ok... loudly... i fell down when i was like on the last few steps of the stairs down to the toliet... fuck sia... maybe dats explain the big cut on my knee... den she say i keep pushing dem away saying dat i can walk straight n all dun need dem to help me... but i nvr manage to walk staight... dats wat she said... gawd man i really made a fool of myself... den nvm she said dat i told her i wanted to go to the railings.... den well walking i fell down twice... den i told her i wanted to sit at the steps... before i reach the steps.. i fell down again.. n den bud decided dat... no cannot go down the steps.. its dangerous... hahaha n she say i tok cock .... n nonsense... n also say out all my feelings... abt u... hai.. aft awhile we went bac to our seats cos cheryl is alone outside.. den i keep asking her damn loudly dat if she is bored... oh man... sucky den bud bud grab me cos i m like falling fr the chair.. den she said i suddenly started crying... n say why did u treat me like dat.. why u hate me so much... she said dat i cry until damn jialet... hai... she said dat she was alil disappointed.. but she was glad dat i cried my heart out finally... but before we went to cheong the stupid donut n me made a pact... drink till drunk if not we are not going hm! n she also tell me to get drunk over the happy stuff not the sad onez... didn't noe she noes... too.. cos i dun contact her... onez lor... hai feel like shit so many ppl noe...but well heck it doesn;t matter anymore... i'm kinda tired of protecting u fr my frens... n to keep everything to myself... in order to not let dem judge u... hai but she ask me something why MM... why muz it be MM... den i said cos i wana drink n get drunk?... den she look at me... come on lar... tell me the real reason... den i was like.. ok... i wanaa see HER [YOU].... but NOT them.... n she was like gd.. i admire ur honesty... hai... sucks.... really sucks lor... hai... nvm... bud say dat i fell very badly when i came out fr the dancefloor... when we are leaving dat time... i fell side down n bang my shoulders... very badly... n she told me dat.. u were rite infront of me.... goosh i feel like shit... n yeah my shoulders hurt like fuck.. can see a damn big blue black dere... fucking red.... tmd... my guess wat... my dat problemetic knees... great man... dun move also hurt now.. guess i really fell many times yesterday both knee fucking blue black covered wif scratches... the elbows not dat bad... one my left arm got scratches... but my shoulders is killing me... dats why i took so long to type... like fuck lor... tml wrking fucking full shift... fucking chee bye... my whole body fucking rashes lor.. fuck lar...... fuck lar.... but still i didn't regret drinking so much.... even tho; i made a fool of myself... tis time is a big fool... cos i nvr got so drunk bfore... n my bud was surprised dat when i drunk i didn't even mention anything abt the trouble i mite get in the possible court case n stuff.. n all i mention n cry over was u.. juz u... den bud even said dat... u made me a better person... danks for making me a better person.. hope i can hang on.. to wat i've become... oh yeah guess wat ... i didn't puke at all.. since yesterday ... tho' many times i almost puked out... but i keep telling myself dat i can't puke... cos aft dat i be so much sober... dats not wat i want... so yeah i force myself not to puke... n yeah its not s gd feeling... cos i m feel damn giddy... damn pukey... headache... n heartaches[pains] damn like shit lor... haha well anyway i might go for wakeboarding soon!! might lar.. haha can't wait man.. i really wana go! rock on!


| The.Goodbye. 12/13/2003 05:04:00 PM |

__________

--

when thing go wrong, as they sometimes will, when the road u're trudging seems an uphill, when the funds r low n the debts r high, n u want to smile but have to sigh, when care is pressing u down a bit, rest if u must, but don't u quit...juz checked my friendster.. n leiling left me tis... i cried... i duno why.. i juz cried... its hard to face the truth...


| The.Goodbye. 12/13/2003 02:21:00 PM |

__________

Friday, December 12, 2003

--

nothing has been said... things are not settle still... it sucks... been smoking like mad... even smoke without the butt... its more shiok..n of cos... more harmful... haha but well its ok.. i wana die young! hahaha alrite signing off to take the med! slppppinnnnggggg!


| The.Goodbye. 12/12/2003 03:45:00 AM |

__________

--

She's always on my mind,
from the time i wake up
'till i close my eyes
she's everywhere i go
she's all i know

'Though she's so far away
it's just keeps getting stronger
every day
and even now she's gone
i'm still holding on

So tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me
that if you really love her
you've gotta set her free
and if she returns in kind
i'll know she's mine

So tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

Why i live in despair
'cause while awake or dreaming
i know she's never there
and all these time i act so brave
i'm shaking inside
why does it hurt me so...

Maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows







| The.Goodbye. 12/12/2003 03:43:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[lost]
[time]==[1.53am]
[music]==[ronankeating]=[the.long.goodbye]
---at wrk... seems so long... did nothing much... cleared cartons... den went to break wif chups.. wanted to smoke.. but jenny was ard.. so we went down to smoke..... duno... i duno wat to type suddenly... lost of words... well tml got wrk again.. the fourth day of wrk... continously... sucks man.. so boring... but tml morning shift aft dat meeting bud bud n the rest for dinner n going to mm aft dat! hahaha well tml lunch got chups bring food for me! haha hotdog bun n apple?.... haha alrite... well shldn't be so picky... haha its gd to eat fruits!... haha alrite... sucks... chatting wif chups.. dat val... slping i guess... nvr reply.. syl... duno where disappear today... well kinda tied tink i m logging off to bed... wana haf enough energy to party all nite!....

---- i miss u ... still.. saw ur fridae... u put social... in smoking... hai... i really hope dat u dun smoke .... its bad.. i noe dat i m a heavy smoking... but i m already addicted to it... hard to smoke... n i dun haf the determination to stop... u stop already... hope u wun start... pls... dun destroy ur life... u haf a wonderful life ahead... cherish it... hai i really dun wan u to smoke.... hai... pls... okies... pls... hai... take gd care of urself....


| The.Goodbye. 12/12/2003 03:05:00 AM |

__________

Thursday, December 11, 2003

--

... toked to u online... did i felt better.. no... i wanted so much to tok to u.. to tell u everyting fr my mouth.. not fr tis stupid blog... but i can;t... my heart is breaking... seeing the nick u had... is juz killing me even more... where is ur h2oswirl` where is it.. where is the jess i knew... where is all dat... it seem so far away... .. i missed ur h2oswirl` nick.. cos its reminds me of the past... reminds me on how happy i was to see ur nick online... last time.. n how long u stayed.. i stayed... its still fresh... but now..its not the case anymore... i wished wat we had was a tok... not a chat... it sucks... its not helping... guess i'm not worth it..


| The.Goodbye. 12/11/2003 04:21:00 AM |

__________

--

I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free (so they say)
But it sure is hard to do
Yeah, it sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be (so they say)
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cos I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill
(climbin' up a hill)

[Chorus]

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye

Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance (just one more chance)
and I know without a doubt
I turned it inside out
And if we walked away
would make more sense (only self defense)
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere?
(on a wing and prayer)

[Chorus]

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, Let's face it
All that's happening here is the long goodbye

[Chorus x2]

The long goodbye
The long goodbye
This is the long goodbye

Someone please tell me why

Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Guess I'm never coming back again



| The.Goodbye. 12/11/2003 03:03:00 AM |

__________

--

wrk sucks... got lots of cuts... unknowningly...it sucks... when water run tru my fucking hands.... ppl keep asking abt how the starcard thing it sucks... it really sucks... stop asking i m troubled enough... fuck it kies... watever happens.. i deserve it... i caused other ppl to get involved in tis shit... wat a gd person i m..... hai.. today at wrk.. was kinda hectic... got lots of wrk to do... one aft another... been awhile... i dun even haf the time to smoke... today i smoke ard 10+sticks? usually i will smoke a hard pack... or more?
hai... but still somehow... i feel ashame of myself... many ppl know abt it... somehow i feel they give me the stares... hai.. its killing me in a way... there is so much things going on.. it sucks... big time....


| The.Goodbye. 12/11/2003 02:56:00 AM |

__________

--

[MooD]==[lost]..[beaten]
[time]==[1.34am]
[music]==[MLTR]=[actor]
---hai before i left for wrk... i chatted wif adeline.. a online fren of mine... whenever i tok to her i feel better.. cos the things she said... were so true.. so close to wat my heart is feeling... she said she went tru all these n she understand how i feel... hai but today she sound very disappointed wif me... hai.. cos last friday supposed to meet up awhile... but i guess cos i was lil high n stuff at dere... so i didn't meet up wif her... den she asked me why n i told her dat i drunk alot.... till i was alil drunk n high... n she yeah before i went mm she told me not to drink so much.. maybe cos dats wat she tinks i will do... to drown my sorrows... hai i said i will try... but well i didn't... hai n she told me tis... tot i ask u not to drink so much... do u noe dere there are still ppl out here who cares for u... i feel so bad... cos i noe she is trying very hard to help me... but i disappoint her again... hai maybe cos she is like 23.. dats why somethings she said means alot to me.. like a very gd advice... hai.. yet all i do is to let her down wif things dat i done or think... everytime i tok to her... i nvr once not shed a tear... cos wat she said is wat i really feel... sometings even my bud,pal,val,syl.. dun say... she will say... she noes exactly how i feel... which is kinda comforting... i dun hide infront of her... cos i dun haf to... she noes... she understands... hai... was chatting wif her juz now... n i apologise to her... for disappointing her... n she said tis 'dun be stupid u are not disappointing anyone.. but urself...' hai it hit... me... it really did... hai..
when everything is crashing down on me... i'm glad dat i still haf frens dat stick by me.. tho' they can't help me heal my wounds... onli u can... but somehow... the wound will be numb for awhile... bfore it starts to hurt again... i'm sorrie for disappointing everyone in my life... even u....i'm sorrie...


| The.Goodbye. 12/11/2003 01:59:00 AM |

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