Friday, January 30, 2004
--
[MooD]==[tired]...[damn.tired]
[time]==[3.15pm]
[music]==[evanesence]=[my.immortal]
---finally fever was gone.. but i'm dead tired.. juz got hm not long ago... gona take a nap soon... i need some rest seriously...haven been taking care of myself lately.. maybe i shld start nw... usually i dun eat.. lunch.. nor dinner.. but today i ate lunch.. hai.. my classmate fr china.. help me massage...my back.. he told me dat my muscles are very tense.. told me to relaxed... n he even noe dat i dun haf enough rest can.. clever.. told me to rest more.. if not.. sure gona fall damn sick soon... biangz...hai.. yeah i shld learn to take care of myself.. but first.. i gotta learn not to puke aft every meal... hai.. but i juz puked juz now.. lol.. k k gotta try.. i guess.. alrite gona nap.. get back my lost rest..
| The.Goodbye. 1/30/2004 03:26:00 PM |
__________
--
Cold... cold... n cold... whole day... juz cold... even tho' i'm juz using the bloody fan... the weather...sucks...lol.. when its sunny..complain its hot...when it rain..complain cold..
i'm not the onli one...bet almost everyone is like dat... so dat sumarise... we..humans are hard to satisfy... aye?... i feel so cold.. oh man... eeeks... m i gona fall even more sick?...hai.. i'm going crazier n crazier... no longer the person i m... u tink i'm a better person now... why... tattoos... piercings... cheonging... n getting dead drunk.. late nites... hangouts... all these made me a better person... no.. they are not.. all these... bring nothing.. juz waste of money.. way lot waste of money... n waste of my life.. but den i can't seem to stop... why...every tattoo...brings the pain.. to my craving..every piercing.. make me feel pain... i duno.. takes me out of my pathethic life somehow... cheonging.. bcos i wana see u.. getting drunk.. wat else can i do dere... but drown myself.. hangouts can't face my room.. with nothing but memories of us.. late nites.. waiting for u to come hm.. juz to noe ur safe.. hai.. my lifestyle change... i noe i say urs is wrong.. mine is wrong too.. but for u.. i be wrong if i haf to...maybe i m dumb... no i m dumb... dumb to love u... but i'll be dumb if i haf too... if being clever means i wun haf u at all... well... i deserve wat i get.. so dun try to save me.. i m fated to die in ur hands.. but pls.. help me... save me soon or kill me soon... cos i dun wan to change totally fr wat u moulded me into... i wan back.. those days.. when we were living normal life...a stable n less worries.. less problems life...
| The.Goodbye. 1/30/2004 03:38:00 AM |
__________
Thursday, January 29, 2004
--
[MooD]==[sick]...[fluey]...[cough-fy]
[time]==[9.32pm]
[music]==[john.mayer]=[comfortable]
---got hm ard 9.. was let off early fr sch today... haaha went to meet chups for awhile to get the cigs.. gawd..m i so tired.. n giddy.. when i reach sch.. went to the toliet.. suddenly vision was blur.. den i shut my eyes n open again... clear.. den again.. blur.. omg.. m i getting old already?but man is it scary.. cos it seems like i'm falling anytime.. wahahaha... k k i'm still alive aye.. haha k i feel so hardwrking suddenly.. even tho' i'm sick.. i still go to sch.. well.. yeah i dun wana miss the nite class on flash.. man.. i'm gona be gd at it alritez.. haha n yeah KC approved on my concept!!! n he said its a GREAT IDEA!! well wat can i say.. i'm gd aye.. talented.. haha.. alrite gotta go watch tv man haha be back to blog laters
| The.Goodbye. 1/29/2004 10:02:00 PM |
__________
--
sick..sick..sick.. gawd... i hate it... ...
| The.Goodbye. 1/29/2004 03:56:00 PM |
__________
--
ok.. today.. sucky day.. whole dat at sch.. wat life... finally attended the first advertisting n graphic design class.. dun be mistaken.. not i pon class.. is teacher not ard.. the lesson was gd.. the teacher seems gd.. n we ended damn early.. 2.30? the next lesson.. 5.30... 3hrs of break... fucking like shit... went to slack n smoke... at the coffeeshop... damn bored.. still left more den 2hrs.. so decided to go n buy poker... went to ntuc.. got the poker went back to juz now joseph class at ninth floor.. played dai dee.. sianz.. haha.. den went toliet plus smoke at the next class.. i dun give a fuck anymore.. aye?.. den went back to the class.. wanted to slp so i was like lying on the table.. slping.. but couldn't slp.. my whole mind was juz tinking abt u.. [sucks] was feeling so stress up.. so i ended up smoking openly at the classrm.. dun give a fuck already... den aft dat went down to smoke again.. cos the guys dun dare to smoke in class... wuss... lol.. den got up..still got so much time.. wah biangz.. feel like dying can.. so slack ard n play poker.. but tis time its russian poker.. haha den finally 5.30pm came... went to the next class learn abt lighting for products.. nice.. but i was tired.. n hungry... lol.. he kinda let us off early n yeah went to coffeeshop to eat slack n smoke again.. wat life can.. today smoke alot.. gawd.. more den 1 hard pack.. haha dying soon man... n yeah haf to carry 21bottles of drinks hm.. fucking heavy... walked under the rain.. n waited for bus under the rain too.. now my arms are yelling for help desperately.. n my head.. is screaming inside.. n fever.. ever-rising.. tempt.. 38.1.. wth.. hai.. feeling so restless n all.. but i dun feel like slping.. maybe i'm juz stupid again aye... well.. got hm ard 10.. onli bro at hm.. mum at some house-warming thing.. dad wrking... first time.. in my life.. the 7th day of new year.. no yu sheng.. no dinner today.. saddening.. hai... cos its partly bcos of me.. cos i haf sch till late..so dat why my mum decided to go for the house warming n my dad wrk aftnn shift too.. hai... always bcos of me.. hai sad.. i'm always the cause of problems.. wat a gd person i m aye.. i sucks.. big time.. eh... hai..hate fever.. k.. make me puky always.. make me tired.. make me restless.. haha but i ain't seeing a doc.. no no no .. i'm strong!.. well too bad no med at hm... well sianz.. sianz.. alrite stopping now.. can't concentrate.. fuck.. maybe blog later or wat..
| The.Goodbye. 1/29/2004 02:57:00 AM |
__________
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
--
preparing to go sch.. feeling sick.. the fever seems like its here to stay.. since sunday.. hate it... ate some vegetarian food.. used to like it so much.. but now i tink it sucks.. big time... ate a full mouth ... threw the rest away.. lucky parents not at hm.. sucks.. gotta bank in money.. so i can pay part of my hp bill first.. the person called already man.. wah lau.. cannot wait one more day ar! wait till i get pay lar knn.. now haf to use my ang bao money.. wtf.... hahaha k k i better go put in money first sianz..
| The.Goodbye. 1/28/2004 12:46:00 PM |
__________
--
fuck tis life..
| The.Goodbye. 1/28/2004 02:16:00 AM |
__________
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
--
was crying like fuck... seriously n honesty.. was toking to zhong zi.. n budbud.. i broke down suddenly.. when i told bud dat i cannot forget her.. i duno.. k.. i duno.. today was actually a happy day.. till i went over ur house.. maybe i shldn't haf went.. den maybe i mite be the stupid one to continuing waiting for u to come bac n reply me... n den i'll juz make myself dumb again... i'm supposed... zhong told me load of stuff dat i knew it all along.. juz dat i refused to tell myself its true.. maybe its time to tell myself wats true.. u are juz playing wif my heart
| The.Goodbye. 1/27/2004 11:58:00 PM |
__________
--
[26.01.03]
went to meet ah zhong n her fren forgot her name.. sorrie... but i noe she is called xiao bai?.. alritez went to lil india.. to take pic.. the sky wasn't looking great...haha ok we went to lil india to eat first... zhong had roti prata?.. i had mee goreng.. n her fren.. ice-cream?.. den sat n slack awhile den went on to take pics.. wah.. tink we started ard 10mins-15mins?... rain starts falling down.. wth... so we juz walked ard.. n slack.. till the rain stop.. today is a weird day.. keep raining n stopping n raining n stopping.. wth.. bad weather.. no sun.. welll but we sitll manage to finish 1roll of film tho' n yeah on the way we met zhong's fren.. n yeah we ended up slacking at some 'HE HE coffeeshop' if i didn't get it wrong. haha n dey all say the teh pin sucks.. aha n my milo pin sucks too.. haha they were bitching abt dat huimin bitch n some other ppl in their class.. haha.. den we all went to mustafa plaza? or? i duno? cos they wana go dere the prata shop.. to drink teh..pin...haha ok aft dat went to mustafa plaza..aiyah watever k.. den realised dere is nothing to shop dere... can... haha so all decided to go back.. me,zhong,.xiao bai?...ah boon?... n erm.. joyce? i dun remember their names.. sorrie man... took mrt hm.. n the other guy..tink its nick? took bus... yeah den me zhong n joyce?? went to bugis cos zhong's fren wana go converse n see if got the shoe n the size she wants..n well.. dun haf... yeah so me n zhong head hm.. while her fren went to far east hoping to get the shoes.. she damn hardcore ar.. alrite was so tired.. haha forgot wat we were chatting at the mrt.. guess i was too tired... well got hm.. ate dinner..was my fav. vege.. n my most hated fish... but duno.. whether is me or my mum's cooking.. dun really like the vege.. n the fish.. i ate kies.. usually i will juz throw away.... i noe i'm bad.. but tink i learn how to appreciate my mum's cooking... well didn't eat much tho'.. no appetite.. still.. sianz.. was so tired.. when i reach hm.. bfore i changed to bathe.. i was lying on the bed... fell aslp for awhile i guess.. haha den bathe den eat.. haha aft dat.. went to watch vcd wif my dad.. was half-slping half watching... haha den finally drag my ass online.. haha.. alrite dats abt all... for today... blog later if i haf too
| The.Goodbye. 1/27/2004 02:17:00 AM |
__________
--
[BACK BLOG][25.01.04]
yesterday nite... the time of my life.. it was like.. i was back.. to before.. no words can express how i feel... cos its higher den any words...
| The.Goodbye. 1/27/2004 01:17:00 AM |
__________
Sunday, January 25, 2004
--
back to blog... sianz man.. went to my cousin house.. was ok dere lar.. was chatting wif her.. abt duno wat at first.. she ask me to go to her room haha cos outside too noisy!.. u noe all my uncles n aunties... tok tok n the kids.. wah.. damn noisy lor.. den went to her room we took 2 pics!! haha waiting for her to add me in msn n send me the pics.. haha den took family pics too.. cool huh... haha... sianz can.. haha den she ask me abt my friendster pic saying if i got tattoo haha den i showed her the tattoo...haha den we were toking abt cheonging cos i told her dat i'll be going pubbing yesterday... haha n yeah its a boring place haha n she asked me abt the drinks n all.. so i told her all the drinks n stuff... haha was dere for afew hrs.. den head hm...was damn tired.. so wanted to rest... but dun feel like slping so i was playing my PS GTA... haha fell aslp afew times.. hahaha den now finally willing to drag my ass up here to type tis shit.. alrite.. i'm still feeling damn sick.. haven take my tempt yet.. sianz morning was 38.2... shall take panadol n check again.. dun wana be sick tml.. made a promise to help my fren wif her photography.. haha can't wait to take.. pictures again...!! alrite i'm tired.. haha play ps first.. later den come bac to blog aye....
| The.Goodbye. 1/25/2004 11:23:00 PM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[tired]...[sick]...[headache]
[time]==[2.26pm]
[music]==[john.mayer]=[comfortable]
---=[24.01.03]=---
went to tis resturant at ESPLANADE call SENSES.. i tink... hehe the atmosphere is nice.. tho' quite simple... haha order lamb chop..haha wif bud..budsao...donut n rena.. hehe... den left ard 9+ 10? dun really remember.. haha den rena's friend drove n fetch us dere! haha so funny 5 of us sit at the back.. haha squeeze like fuck haha lucky its short distance! haha.. well... went mox the place.. wah.. not bad tho' haha got the card finally.. ok no smoking inside.. turn off.. the place quite chilling!.. haha ordered graveyard.. wah.. tis one damn nit taste.. haha n when donut noes i ordered.. she told everyone today got another drunkard... kns.. wth.. haha but i didn't k.. i drank slowly.. cos i noe if i drink like wat i used to do.. which means tar.. i sure drunk... haha alritez gotta go out now blog later aye
| The.Goodbye. 1/25/2004 02:40:00 PM |
__________
Saturday, January 24, 2004
--
preparing to go out soon.. feel damn bad.. hai as in really damn bad.. cos if i go off.. dat means.. my mum will be alone.. spending the 3rd day of new year at hm.. bro gone to gf's house.. dad.. somewhere playing mahjong... hai.. i really dun wana leave my mum alone.. at hm... gawd.. not on new year.. no no...hai.. but i haf no choice i guess.. i'm promise to meet up wif budbud n palpal n the rest to haf dinner n all... hai den maybe going down mox.. hai.. but really.. i tink my eyes mite be teary when i leave.. hai.. i duno.. wats wrong wid me nowadays.. in a family no one gets left behind... including u[75]
| The.Goodbye. 1/24/2004 06:23:00 PM |
__________
--
alrite...i'm really lazy to write blog now... but i'm still going write.. a brief one.. lets start fr 23jan04...
=[22jan04]=
went out in the morning to my grandparents grave.. den came hm wif my aunty.. wanted to slp.. so much.. but tink its kinda rude to slp.. when visitors is at ur house.. so i juz went online all the way... trying to keep myself awake by blasting music.. den ard aftnn my uncles came.. n my cousins came also.. tok to tis quite chio cousin hehe cos she is in TP to n she noes syl... mel.. the rest.. so we were toking abt their sch n my sch n abt syl n mel n the rest haha.. lame.. alrite den afew hrs? they went off.. n yah was contining slacking wif ps2 n com... haha until sher ee call me n ask me if i wana get out.. cos she damn bored! n i was like oh man i'm waiting for dat.. man.. i'm freaking bored.. haha so i meet sher ee ard 9+ went to her house to meet her lor.. dat ass.. waste my time.. den went to tam.. she hungry.. wherelse i'm damn full... went long john.. i drank the clam chowder tho'.. damn nice.. she ate some shits.. haha den met jimmy.. n decided to play mahjong.. short of one kaki.. so called hock wee... haha den val came n find me cos she needs to get fags... den aft dat she head hm.. den we headed to sher ee house.. to play the over nite mahjong.. was wining like no body business... den aft some.. msges.. i couldn't concentrate.. n i was already tire out.. n i lose everything..i won n plus i haf to fork out somemore.. haha kns.. den went hm ard 6+... straight to bed... haha
-------------------------------------------------------------------
=[23jan04]=
got up ard 8+.. damn tired.. had to prepare to go to my aunty house.. its a busy day today... alot of things to do.. reach woodlands ard 10+11 stayed dere till 3+ den went off to my mum's cousin house.. fell aslp in the car.. was damn tired.. was gambling alil down dere.. den left ard 6.30 to mel's house.. cos i was damn bored.. supposed to go christine house.. before dat.. but not many ppl was going so we decided to cancel it.. den i went to mel's house straight... met syl..pam..steph..dior n of cos mel dere.. n lots of her parents frens.. hahaha was slacking n smoking ard ahaha waited for more ppl to come... took out board games.. cards.. to play.. haha but we didn't really play.. was juz slacking.. eating.. stoning.. smoking.. haha.. den we took a walk to the esso cos i was out of cig... den me dior.. steph.. n CJ went to the park n smoke n tok for awhile toking abt how to smuggle cigs.. hehe went back n we were slacking n watching LILO & STITCH... so sad n beautiful the show.. hai.. how someone can change becos of someone.. else.. everyone makes a different..i guess.. well.. was gambling... dun remember when.. was it.. haha i won quite alot... haha or shld i say.. i'm the big winner... at first!... haaha... nvm they were mixing drinks!.. vodka... plus 7-up + lemon... n vodka plus orange juice! haha i was one of the tester can.. haha the 7-up is the power one lor.. haha.. den pam pour me the vodka 7-up.. haha quite lil.. den i tar it.. den i ask dior to feel up the cup... den i tar.. again.. haha den i drank the orange also.. wah.. tar again.. den.. i abit the not rite already.. haha face damn red.. they say i look like my polo tee.. hahaha cos its pink! kns.. haha den i kinda stop drinking.. cos my dat uv tattoo is getting damn itchy... n yeah i noe if i drink somemore sure drunk.. its not nice to get drunk at ppl's house.. haha den we were juz slacking n slacking..n smoking.. n smoking.. wah really smoke like fuck can.. haha until i felt alil sick of the smell.. n feel like puking.. haha but nah i didn't alrite.. haha den was gambling again.. wif tis bunch of bungs n guys.. n gals haha we didn't tok or wat during the whole day. we met.. haha juz kept quiet n all... haha den was finally gambling together.. wahaha some of my winings dere sianz! haha alrite went hm ard 3+ slpt ard4+5.. was chatting online..wif val at first den i tink she fell aslp ahaha den was chatting wif tis 23yearsold duno.. wats the label person online cos she email me n chat wif me at herstory.. yeah.. until i was damn tired.. n i told her i need to slp! haha yeah.. n now.. haha woke up ard 12+ 1+ had lunch.. damn full.. kinda preparing n tinking wat to wear le.. haha later going out to meet bud,pal,n the rest ar.. n maybe going to mox... heard dat mox cannot smoke inside.. i m turn off already... haha so lets see how.. alrite.. alrite tink i'm going to prepare soon le... hahaha
| The.Goodbye. 1/24/2004 04:21:00 PM |
__________
--
alrite.. juz got hm fr mel's place.. damn tired.. as in really damn tired.. blog tml when i wake up... *yawnz*
| The.Goodbye. 1/24/2004 03:58:00 AM |
__________
Thursday, January 22, 2004
--
[THE SNEAK OUT]
yesterday aft dinner went to join syl carrie val n mel for bowling.. but dad sms me want me to go hm before 12.. well.. yeah no choice.. so i went hm before 12.. den waited for dem to slp.. den sneak out ard 2..to join dem back dere.. at tis cafe.. n smoke SHESHA! haha well got new slacking place now.. shesha!..woo~hoo.. slack till 4+5..am.. was playing abit of soccer... haha n boy do i sucks?.. haha but i'm sure i play better den so shit ass!.. haha alritez.. went hm... didn't slp straight away.. was fliping my overdue.. lime mag.. juz browse thru.. den lay on my bed... couldn't slp.. till 6? ard dere.. den i woke up at 7+ cos need to pay visit to my grandparent's grave... hai.. its been 3 years.. since my grandma pass away.. so fast.. n yet i feel dat i didn't miss her.. wat kind of grandaughter is me... i almost cried.. hai.. i duno.. maybe now.. i'm feeling all the retribution i got from all my ignorance.. in the past... telling me.. dat i've done real wrong.. it sucks ok.. hai...
...yesterday on my way to the chalet.. tis net fren called me.. was shockeD? n kinda make her alil malu.. cos i dun remember her.. till she said she is the one who kip saying i'm her darling to VOX.. den i oh.... n laugh.. weird to call me tho' cos i juz chat up wif her like 10mins?... she was the one who wanted to exchange no. tho' well so yeah i did.. n yeah she is 22..p.. haha to me like a lil despo tho' haha when she heard i'm a.. she kept asking me qns.. like wth... haha well but her voice is not bad.. haha tok awhile only.. was busy buying cig n asking directions haha well nonsense.. alrite stop here..now.. enough gossips..
| The.Goodbye. 1/22/2004 12:55:00 PM |
__________
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
--
alrite juz had my dinner... wah damn damn full ... had steamboat n some grilling... n wah.. my eyes.. kena the oil.. its red... now.. so suay... hai my face also.. haha... alrite now preparing to go out already... haha going to play pool den to chalet! haha shiok ar.. hahaha gawd tink i drank too much n too fast.. i'm feeling giddy... haha watever tink i'm gona take a cab down to downtown... damn fucking lazy to walk... haha
| The.Goodbye. 1/21/2004 09:32:00 PM |
__________
--
alritez.. was onlining all the while.. changed my bedsheets... n did 2 things dat made me so proud!!!.. i help my dad to bring down 2 heavy pail of wateR!!! to wash his car!!! haha i help my mum made the BEEF FOR GRILLING LATER FOR THE DINNER!.. haha alrite finally felt dat i help dem... been taking things for granted.. been spending n wasting their money... felt really bad... really.. bad..n even aft scolding me my dad still gave money to me to pay for the bill... hai.. really felt very bad... fr den i knew dat the last person i can let down in the world.. is my parents.. but i've been doing it all the while... its time to change.. but i noe i'm not perfect.. n i noe somethings of me juz wun change.. but i'll try my best... maybe more on money wise... i will be more smart on managing my money.. i hope...well tis year... my the tittle of my life... will be 'TIME FOR A CHANGE...BE THE PLAYER' yeah.. i already changed in a way.. did tings dat i nvr did before... man.. bought some stuff dat no one tot i would ever buy... hahaha.. well dere shld be more to come.. things are gona change for the better i hope.. i'm gona be alive... again.. hopefully...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Clj]==well things hasn't been gd for me.. tis i muz say.. aft u left me.. but i guess things mite not have been gd for u too.. but sure it isn't worse den me... i noe things dat i said.. n do.. in the past.. has cause ur love to turn away fr me... all i can do now is to regret... n beg for forgiveness... been going out everyday.. for the past week... going to places dat reminded me of nothing but you.. but i told myself to be strong... sometimes i even tell myself how heartless u were.. to me how much i shld hate u n all.. but no it juz doesn't happen... there muz be a reason why i dun hate u at all... n i believe dat reason.. is the one dat kept us alive ... n dat is love... i really wonder do u even or really tink of me... do u even tink of me when ur out wif her... going to some place.. where me n u spend quailty n fun things together... i really wonder.. cos i tink abt u like dat all the time.. do u rem. the first movie we watch.. where we watch it.. the first dinner we ate.. where was it... n wat did we ate... i remember everything... i even remembered u told me its like a dream come tru... everything... still fresh in my head...maybe i m the fool... to still hang on to things like these.. well.. i wasn't a fool in the past... maybe its fated dat i'll be the fool for u... i started looking at myself... n i realised.. dat all these i did was juz some pathetic acts... dat i didn't even realised... got myself into some stupid shits.. hospitalized... n all... gawd.. wat haf i becume rite??? i shld be a better person den i m now... so i'm gona try to be... n u.. u are defintely a far better person den u are now... do the best of urself.. for urself... dun let urself down.. n dun let ur mama down... like i said... i noe how u feel.. cos somehow i feel it too... things dat i said may not be wat u wana hear.. but pls note they are fr my heart... n these words may be harsh... but u noe.. dat... its rite... one thing i'm sure of.. my love for u will nvr change... i love u... tis 3 words gona stay forever... but u.. i duno... seriously i duno... maybe its time... for u to tell me some stuff... wat u tink i need to know.. dun leave me hanging here.. its killing me slowly... n i can't smile anymore... take care n happy chinese new year... enjoy urself!!! hope u can get lots of hao bao.. n yeah my mum ask me where are u... why so long nvr see u...
| The.Goodbye. 1/21/2004 06:39:00 PM |
__________
--
fell aslp... juz woke up... miss chatting wif everyone!.. haha chups leaving sg for later!.. comming bac on sun man.. hhahaa dats so long... alrite... i felt kinda like shit... got my hp bill came.. its 100++ again...... i haven pay mu previous bills.. so now amt to 240++ i kena fucked like shit man seriously like shit... but den my dad still gave me 100+ to pay the bill... hai i really.. almost cry... all i do is to spend money... nvr knowing to how save... n aft everything... he still gives me money... hai.. maybe i bring pampered.. already juz dat i ain't noe when to feel it... it juz really sucks... i'm sorry mum n dad i'll try my best.... sorrie.. really...
| The.Goodbye. 1/21/2004 02:45:00 AM |
__________
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
--
[MooD]==[tired]...[dead.tired]...[depressed]
[time]==[10.31pm]
[music]=[kc&jojo]=[how.could.you]
---went to sentosa.. raining.. well its ok.. cos i went dere wanting to haf fun! n furthermore can't really tan cos of the tattoo...wanted to go dere play kayaking.. n volleyball.. well the kayaking.. didn't manage to do it.. well some reasons lar huh.. den the volleyball haha yeah played like fuck... even played against these 2 guys.. haha me n val.. chups didn't join in.. i was like not really in the mood to play tho' haha cos i suck at it.. haha well kinda had a bad thumb aft dat.. but well its was fun! damn fun!... went to bathe n smoke in the toliet.. wahaha den went off.. oh yeah aft sch was shopping wif sher ee n i bought a PINK POLO TEE FR GIO!!!! hahaha cool or waT? haha alritez man...aft sentosa went town.. got a new piercing on the ear! finally...!den went hm chups went to meet her sista.. den val went for training.. haha i was so tired..... keep falling aslp standing at the mrt.. sianz.. alrite.. dats for now.. kinda tired.. feel like resting... awhile or play some games! haha
| The.Goodbye. 1/20/2004 10:44:00 PM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[tired]...[puked.up]...[depressed]
[time]==[1.25am]
[music]==[kc&jojo]=[how.long.must.i.cry]
--- tot i wouldn't puked today... but guess no.. puked worse.. till tears come out naturally......... everything is kinda killing me... well.. but the fact dat i dun need to go back to the hospital is cheering me up big times... means.. no more jabs... yeah! haha alrite.. lets see wat did i do today.... went out to meet val ard 4? went tam to play pool.. saw leandro... benard.. eng chye... haikel n joey.. like the whole toys gang dere playing pool sia... got the same table.. as dat time... the first time i taught u[75] how to play pool... so much memories... hai.. today played not bad.. shot some gd shot.. well... lost my old skills... so many shots dat i used to be so simple to me.. now.. ahaha can't really shoot it out.. damn... but well but still gd.. haha well.. won val... quite afew times.. haha lost to her twice once is tyco.. once is wah.. really lost.. haha but still i won... much more eh? haha alrite shan't boast abt it...aft awhile chups came.. aft sch.. den we played awhile den left... me.. val n chups went to slack... haha but chups was... shopping.. while val is damn hungry.. haha i keep telling val to be a gentleman.. come on bro' haha went long john to eat finally shared wif chups..cos i noe my mum got cook so didn't wana eat much.. den went to coffeebean to slack smoke take pictures.. n tok abt goin to sentosA! haha so fun man tml going to sentosa! alritez.. get more tan!! woo~hoo~! n den gona get the ear piercing! the one in the middle one! finally... yeah.. can't wait for sch to end tml...! gona skip the aftnn class.. didn't do his wrk anyway.. well aft slacking at coffee bean... we... no not we.. chups.. went on more shopping.. at century... went to royal sporting house?[tink dats the name].. remembered all the times we went dere... hai... den aft dat.. went to tis perfume shop... n i keep smelling hugo.. women.. hai.. aft dat.. metro... haha val as usual.. complaining.. haha n i keep telling her be a gentleman.. alrite... well.. maybe cos i'm used to it already... bah...hai.. den went to get cig.. den we continue slacking at tis duno wat shop at pavilion the pool place dere.. ordered mineral water.[healthy.living]... haha den smoke n sing sad sappy songs... den took cab n went hm... so tired... fr the waking up early for the stupid hospital thingy.. gotta rest early!..got lots of stuff to do tml man...hope ur first day of wrk is ok for u... i'm sorrie.. u take care ok...
| The.Goodbye. 1/20/2004 01:48:00 AM |
__________
Monday, January 19, 2004
--
alrite had a round of bad puking plus more puking..puked like fuck.. .. cos.. chups showed me tis pic.. of someone...[yes bro u got it rite..] seriously aft seeing dat pic.. i really went to puke.. throat pain.. chest pain... shiok in a way..chups found tis pic of dat someone.. in herstory.. told me to go n see n i'll understand why she is such a despo... read it.. saw it.. posted 3 ads... gawd... can't believe.. it.. asking ppl to go drink n party.. gawd... dun u haf frens?... seriously i tink my puking has got worse... n i tink i need to slp pretty soon.. need to go back to the hospital tml... check up again.. jabs n all.. hai sick of it man... fuck it aye
| The.Goodbye. 1/19/2004 03:07:00 AM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[giddy]...[pukey]...[sick]
[time]==[12.56am]
[music]==[dishwalla]=[somewhere.in.the.middle]
---alrite.. been staring at tis for a fucking long time...duno wat to write.. went to chup's house as said.. ard 1+..2 cut finish ard 4+? den went down to eat... some black pepper steak...haf a sudden crave for beef... but den it kinda sucks.. the sauce... was like..dried... haha well.. den was smoking faging happily... haha n by the way i tink chups rm rock! haha damn nice.. hahaha... alrite cut the crap... hahaha.. den supposed to go hm but i called syl... haha n she is at tm! haha so went to meet her n carrie.. den hang ard.. n guess way my watch strap broke.. the needle drop.. haha best.. lucky tm got one swatch centre.. got it fixed n better! haha
aft dat went hm for dinner... wif my cap on.. haha the hairstyle is nice.. but its damn short.. duno how to tell my mum hahaha.. well aft dinner syl called n we[plus val] were supposed to meet n play pool!... but den val didn't come down so syl came n mel came too was fagging n doing some catching up at my house downstairs n waited for mel to come.. den went up to play PS2 ahaha den play badminton too.. got hm ard 11+... wat a day.. haha full of activities.. didn't waste my day i guess...! haha ok... dats abt all ...maybe blog later bah huh.. hahaha
| The.Goodbye. 1/19/2004 01:46:00 AM |
__________
Sunday, January 18, 2004
--
bac... fr everything.. val juz went hm.. feeling tired... damn tired.. but i'm scared to slp... bloody hell haha juz realised why the doc nv give me med... wth... no med to calm myself down n slp? kns.. haha nvm.. I WILL SURVIVE? haha watever.. alrite today.. didn't puked at all.. wah... proud of myself.. but i'm feeling pukey.. but i shan't puke.. haha chatting wif chups now..tml gona go over her house for a haircut.. hahaha can't wait to get my hair trim.. its damn long! haha alrite i'm tired.. gona slp now.. *prays* sorrie god.. onli turn to u when i'm in need.. so sorrie... but u noe i've always haf u in my heart... ").... hai missing u[75] like crazy....
| The.Goodbye. 1/18/2004 04:46:00 AM |
__________
--
juz got hm.. slack wif chups.. val supposed to join.. but she didn't come down.. had supper..smoke quite abit... toking n toking... wah we slack fr 9+? till 12+ hahaha sianz man.. shldn't haf eat.. feel like puking.. fuck... hahawas alil shaking n weak.. damn man... n was toking abt how i felt yesterday nite.. n chups was telling me dat i shld be thankful dat my dad was awake.. at dat time.. if not i shld be dead by now.. hahaha alrite i said thank you to my dad already...well going down to meet val man.. she finally called.. wth... ahahaha alrite blog later
| The.Goodbye. 1/18/2004 12:51:00 AM |
__________
Saturday, January 17, 2004
--
[MooD]==[tired]...[worn.out]
[time]==[4.54pm]
[music]==[none]
---had a really bad n rough time yesterday... was admitted to hospital... east shore.. as usual.. woke up in the middle of the nite.. couldn't breathe.. n tis time.. my dad was awake.. n he saw it.. den he ask me wat happen... like i can answer him like dat.. den i dun really noe wat happen... i onli noe dat i'm in hospital when i woke up ard 10+.. was in a ward.. my dad ask me wats wrong.. is something troubling me.. or wat.. i said no.. n why m i here.. den he said.. dat i knock out aft trying to catch my breath for awhile... den he told me doc gave me a jab... not long aft the doc came.. n ask me to calm myself down.. whenever i feel very stress or upset... n dat if all these continue.. he hope dat i can go n see a psycharist.. hai but my dad.. was like no lar.. not dat serious.. den i said yea.. not dat serious... i tink he doesn't wana admit dat his daughter has to do dat bah... hai tink its called hyper-ventiling.. someting like dat.. i duno.. i didn't wana ask much.. i was tired.. duno wat the hell the doc inject me wif... but i went back ard 11+ slept till 12+ mum wake me up for lunch... some rice heat up stuff... not too bad... but aftdat i went straight back to slp.. too tired.. slpt till 3+.. giddyness fills my head.. was slacking alil den went online.. chating wif val.. chups...n xiao min.. later shld be meeting val to slack at JP again n play pool.. gona drink man.. its been awhile.. hai.. gotta enjoy life.. who noes i might die the next time i slp.. rite?
| The.Goodbye. 1/17/2004 05:16:00 PM |
__________
--
was watching some japanese cooking show.. call the iron chef.. nice.. toking to chups online.. sending me songs.. n toking abt her relationship wif lane.. well.. relationships are always causes of heartbreaks i guess... one dat can show how weak a person really is.. n smsing u too... hai.. didn't realised we had so much things in common... our house.. primary sch... church.. so fated... but i guess.. i haf ruined everything.. n now its retribution time for me... having to slp.. was torture.. every nite i wonder.. if i'll make it tru... i've kinda stopped taking the pills... cos.. broke.. sia.. haha n tink its better to live without pills i guess.. but when i got the money.. den it may be a different case.. haha been a week? or more? i duno.. but it seems forever.. hafing to wake up in the middle of the nite.. hafing those attacks.. haunts me... guess its the price to pay.. for being me.. the selfish me... rite.. guess i'm off to another battle...
| The.Goodbye. 1/17/2004 04:12:00 AM |
__________
Friday, January 16, 2004
--
[MooD]==[duno..]...[pukey]...[torn.lips]
[time]==[8.34pm]
[music]==[sisqo]=[imcomplete]
---was spending hrs reading ur old blog again.. n ur new blog old entries.. n tis time i read mine too... was crying all the while... tinking abt the past.. i still remember how i feel everyday.. waiting for sch to end.. so i can meet u.. n spend time together.. n everything i remember so clearly.. n now.. it seems so far away.. n i onli got myself to blame... i read my entries.. n realised dat i really drown myself in sorrow... so much.. dat i didn't realised how scary i was... even as i read thru.. now i'm shocked dat i m like dat... i guess all these muz haf shocked u... n make u detest me... i'm sorry.. its all my fault.. it got nothing to do wif u.. i duno wats wrong wif me.. keep drowning myself in sorrow... n puting blame on u.. when deep down inside i dun.. at all.. hai.. i'm sorrie.. really sorrie... i tink i need to do some self-reflection.. wat a jerk ass i was.. giving u pressure.. n all.. i'm so sorrie.. but i noe dat was the past.. i'm no longer like dat... hai.. i regret wat i did last time.. cutting myself... n torturing myself.. n i was so scared of myself.. n i noe u muz haf find me disgusting... hai.. i'm sorry for everything i done.. for all the torture i put u through.. forgive me... i'm sorrie.. hai... if u could give me a chance to redeem myself.. to make it all up to u... i swear i'll not go bac to those days of torturing again.. i swear... dat i'll trust u .. i'll swear dat u be treated the way u shld be i'll swear i'll give u my everything... i'll swear i'll be true to u always n forever... i'll swear u will nvr need to suffer anymore... i'll swear i'll make ur life a meaningful one... i'll swear i'll love you forever till the end of time.. till the ocean doesn't touch the sea... i love u... ur my everything
| The.Goodbye. 1/16/2004 08:41:00 PM |
__________
--
puked thrice... sucky.. wonder where they come from haha by rite by the second puke.. watever i ate.. shld be out already man... when all i ate was.. some rice.. choc. milk n a tiny slice of papaya.. gawd... i'm so powerful... tink i need some rest.. fuck puke...
| The.Goodbye. 1/16/2004 02:09:00 AM |
__________
--
:::::THE Feeling Of Puking ain't Fun, so Imagine Puking:::::
| The.Goodbye. 1/16/2004 12:19:00 AM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[giddy]...[pukey]
[time]==[11.35pm]
[music]==[evanesence]=[my.immortal]
---got hm ard 11.. sch was dismissed early... supposed to end at 8 but end ard 6.45 ard dere.. den me n my classmates decided to go n try out the turkish smoking pipe.. thingy.. call shesha... its damn shiok... ok.. damn shiok... hahaha.. me n adelene shared the mint flavoured den we also tried the jasmine n orange.. haha tink mint the best.. den the lady offered me.. onli me k to try her banana flav. haha den my classmates kp haha say nvr give dem try haha den yeah they got try too haha so honoured man.. but tink i got stone... n high... n now feeling damn giddy... but man i m gona try it again.. they got 12flav. haha shiok ar! we slack till quite late... dun remember wat time we left tho'.. den went hm wif eunice.. she took 23 wif me was toking all the while on the way hm.. well got hm ard 11... damn tired... n feeling giddy.. so went to took a bath... den got out.. ate some food my mum left for me... aftdat drank choc milk...ate papaya.... n all these is making me pukey.. n giddy... sucky.. real sucky...tink i'll go n puke out now.. can't take it man.. haha
| The.Goodbye. 1/16/2004 12:01:00 AM |
__________
Thursday, January 15, 2004
--
[MooD]==[troubled]...[depressed]
[time]==[2.52pm]
[music]==[lecturer's.sucky.voice]
---at sch now... keep tinking abt u... n thinking abt the msges u sent me yesterday... i keep wondering are u trying to tell me something... i yearn for u.. everyday.. every min... every sec... i miss u.. wat muz i do to make u come bac to me... when i look at u now.. i m sad... i keep tinking dat.. u can do better wif ur life... now like wat u say.. wasting it.. since u noe.. why are u still continue doing it?... u said u did wrong.. to put love infront of everything... maybe its true.. u noe dat u wasted ur hols.. dun waste it anymore.. i noe u feel bad... abt some things u haf done.. u can change it... u are a far better person den wat u are now... in the past.. i put ur studies.. infront of everything.. maybe dats why u tink my love for u is not strong enough... but no.. my love for u... need not to be proud... love is nvr jealous.. its nvr proud.. love is nvr boastful...love is nvr selfish... love is juz abt the 2 of us... n i noe i wan u to make the best out of ur life.. i noe ur goals.. u may think dat i haf a different thinking of urs.. means i dun understand u.. ur wrong... i noe n i understand why u wana be rich... why u wana be famous.. n i noe some parts of me wana be like dat too.. but i'm scared dat i can't handle the stress... dats why i dun dare to dream so high... nor aim so high... to me ur the brave one.. i really think dat u got the courage...to do wat u want n wat u like nvr let anyone stop u.. but now u seem so different... there are things u wana do.. but u dun dare.. to do somehow.. why... like being a model.. has always been wat u want.. i always wanted to help u.. but i dun haf the chance... now dat i haf... but u are hesitanting..bcos u duno wat to tell her... are u sure u wana give up tis chance... i'm not trying to help myself...wif my wrk.. u noe when u tell me dat ur not happy wif ur life now.. bcos she controls u.. n u dun like to be controlled.. do u noe how much my heart breaks... when u told me dat she checks ur hp.. i was angry.. angry at myself for letting u experience dat... i noe i said dat i dun trust.. u.. but can't u see...no matter how many times i said it.. i nvr do anything to prove it... the last ting i will do is to check ur hp... to me its a form of respect... n trust dat i've given u... i really regret saying dat i dun trust u.. when i do.. so much.. i noe u wun do all these things to me.. cos i trust u... n i'm serious... till now i dun blame u.. cos everything started bcos of me.. bcos of my big mouth n my stupid actions.. n my fucking ego... i realised my mistakes... is it too late... give me a chance to redeem myself.. to prove to u wat i really feel... i still remember everything abt u... i understand u.. maybe not totally.. but well enough to noe wat u want in ur life... n who u are... yesterday is the first time i buy flowers for the person i love... ur the first... there is a reason why i dun buy flowers... cos they will wither.. but my love for u wun.. i rather buy things dat u can eat... at least my love for u is kept inside of u... but yesterday i bought both... 3 roses... means i love u... its not much.. not fanciful... not gd enough... but it says wat i wana say... i'm always looking for things.. that gives meaning.. not a fanciful one... not something to show off my love for u... its something plain n simple... yet prove my love for u... i noe i haven gif u any precious n fanciful gift... but all the gifts i've given... are gifts dat i nvr done before.. i've nvr made anything for anyone.. but when it comes to u.. whenever i wana buy u a gift.. i can nvr find the rite one.. cos all those dat i can find.. n everyone else can find... its not gd enough for u.. n i wan u to haf a one n onli gift... in the world.. n its fr me... maybe its really useless... cos all those stuff can onli be look at... but behind it.. its sign wif all my love... i rather give u things dat are meaningful.. even tho' it means i haf to do it myself.. u shld noe i nvr like to do wrk... but i duno why.. everytime when i'm doing something for u.. i'm so happy while doing it.. i'm enjoying it to the max... n maybe the result is not gd.. or infact its ugly... i noe.. my art is not gd... n yeah somehow u might tink dat i anyhow do.. but no i really did do my best.. but somehow... things cork up... n i really feel like shit.. i wanted to redo.. but no time.. so everytime when i give u the stuff.. i feel so bad... hai.. i duno... if u noe how much u really mean to me... its so much dat i duno wat to say.. duno how to say... everything comes down to i love u... more den life itself... more den anything... n its true when i say i'm nothing without u nothing how successful i can be in future.. but without u.. my life is incomplete..
| The.Goodbye. 1/15/2004 02:52:00 PM |
__________
--
juz got hm... finally gave u the stuff.. sorrie to make u cry.. always... hai but i'm glad i cheer u up... hope u will like it... i love u is all i can say...
| The.Goodbye. 1/15/2004 02:59:00 AM |
__________
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
--
the day haven been gd... kinda sucky... had lunch.. didn't eat much... went out for awhile.. on the way out... bring back lots of memories... hai... well hai.. duno.. came bac for dinner... had no appetite... ate a few mouthfull... den i really couldn't eat no more.. kena kp by my mum... n puked all out.. hai.. i'm really scared of eating... all i'll do is juz puke it out...hai.. i'm shaking inside.. feeling weak.. hai.. it sucks kies? aft awhile i went to puke everything out... bleah... so sucky... hai... dats abt all... blog later... going to play GTA already...sad life of mine...
| The.Goodbye. 1/14/2004 08:37:00 PM |
__________
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
--
[MooD]==[crying.out.for.you]...[lost]
[time]==[8.23pm]
[music]==[cranberries]=[when.you're.gone]
:::And in the night, I could be helpless I could be lonely,sleeping without you And in the day,everything's complex There's nothing simple,when I'm not around you:::[ i m helpless... i m lonely... without you... n nothing is simple anymore.. cos ur not here wif me... i duno how to fight anymore..]
---was late for sch... late for kc class.. kena picked on again.. nvm.. i was stonning all the time.. i kept thinking abt you.. abt us... how we used to be... my eyes were watery... n kc keep insisting i was yawning.. i juz kept quiet all the while.. tinking abt us... i really miss u... went for an 1/2hr break.. didnt eat.. no appetite.. was smoking.. hai not much.. told myself to control cos we made a promise... tho' it may not seem important to u.. i juz wan u to stop smoking... even dat means i haf to cut down wif u.. i will do it.. its hard.. now i'm craving for it... till now.. i smoke 5sticks.. onli... usually is one day 20++ now.. is 3/4 day... hai... the feeling sucks... i feel so depressed... aft break got back class.. kc showed us the large format camera n medium format camera... the large format... damn cool... like those olden days.. but of cos its modern design now.. n somemore digital.. or flim based.. both ways.. but its damn hard to use n muz use black cloth n cover.. so olden days... n the click.. its those attached outside.. wif wire... juz like last time.. but its not as big of cos...much smaller... hai.. went hm aft dat.. drawing class.. pt lim is on mc today.. so no aftnn class.. n i decided to go hm n slp.. i reckon i need alot.. n yeah i forgot to buy the bloody med on my way hm... so i decide to go online download music... left u a voicemail.. chatted wif val.. mite be meeting her later.. n slack ard.. till ard 3+ den took a nap.. was hoping dat i wun get the attack.. so i cannot slp for too long.. but still.. i got it... woke up ard 5+6.. was crying.. like crazy.. couldn't breathe.. so painfull... gawd i really hate it.. n aft the attack.. as always.. i can't get back to slp... so i msg u... hai.. u noe i really duno wat m i feeling from u... i wonder if u are juz playing along.. entertaining me... cos everything i msg u.. those stuff u wun reply me.. m i a bother..? hai.. i need a sign... cos i'm getting lost.. n crazy... god.. i noe i haven been a gd christian.. n i noe i always turn to u when i'm in need.. i'm sorrie.. but i haf no one else to turn to... pls.. tell me wat to do.. cos i m really lost.. dun tell me to concentrate on my studies... i want to.. but i can't.. everything is driving me crazy... i'm not like bfore.. i noe.. of cos a better person.. but during the process. i lost my fighting spirit... cos i noe i dun haf to fight when ur wif me.. for the 6mths+ it was the happiest moments in my life... something dat i tot i nvr will be able to experience.. n i prayed to god.. n thank him for sending an angel like u to me... i really did.. i noe i didn't treat u gd.. i noe i was in the wrong.. why wun u give me one last chance... to make it up to you.. i'm prepared to sacrifice everything for u... if u dun mean a thing to me.. u noe i wouldn't care at all.. u mean so much to me... even now.. everything i do.. i always put u ahead of me... maybe last time all i cared was to take care of u... didn't ask u wat u really want... i noe u dun like to be treated like a child.. i'm sorrie.. i get worried when it comes to u.. i really dun wan anything to happen to u.. i wanted to protect u fr everything... maybe i cared too much.. or maybe i cared too little.. everyday i wake up n i tell myself.. dat ur gone.. till now i cannot accept the fact... i can't.. i keep asking myself wat did i do... wat did i not do... everyday i come up wif more ans... its getting more n more... its pushing me down... i'm struggling... i haf to admit.. cos its too obvious to hide... pal pal wrote me a letter today.. read it.. she said where is the pal pal she knew... i juz looked down n close my eyes... n asked myself... i couldn't find the answer... so many things dat could haf happen... so many promises... n dates we made.. i was waiting for ur O's to finish so we can enjoy the hell out of ourself... but lil did i noe.. when ur O's finish.. we end up tis way... i was really devasated... i lost my grandfather.. during the trip i was dying to come bac into ur arms.. wanting u to hold me tight telling me dat its ok.. telling me dat i still got u... i noe all these are the past i shldn't brood over it... but all i haf is juz memories n past of u... i dun see the future... cos i'm still in the past... i didn't move on n i dun wan to move on.. unless its wif u.... i dun wana leave the past... n i dun wan to haf another future.. a future without u... i love u... i hope u noe its true... my life has nvr been the same.. since dat day u left... me i hope u will come bac to me... tho' i can't promise u much.. but i can promise u.. dat u haf all my heart.. all my trust... all my love... n all of me...n i'll treat u the way u shld be treated.. i will take gd care of u... n i'll make ur life a worthwhile...one... come bac to me...i love u
| The.Goodbye. 1/13/2004 09:05:00 PM |
__________
--
toking to u... hai i feel like shit.. i felt so useless... hai dat even u seems to give up on me.. somehow on my studies... i also want to succeed in my major... its not easy.. hai not rite now.. i noe i gotta look far ahead... but i see no future.. i'm not sure if i can become a photographer when i come out to wrk... i'm not sure.. if i'll make it... cos its not easy... esp... when i'm a gal... furthermore... a bung...i used to believe in myself so much.. dat i can do it... but now.. its a different case.... u made me go for my goals... u made me believe... but now.. ur not here to make me believe anymore.. i feel so tired.. n lost.. i really do... hai... i m nothing without...u i m imcomplete...
| The.Goodbye. 1/13/2004 05:15:00 AM |
__________
Monday, January 12, 2004
--
[MooD]==[tired]...[swollen.eyes]
[time]==[11.00pm]
[music]=[sisqo]=[imcomplete]
---juz packed finished my room... was crying all the while.. found so many things.. of us.. put into the box dat i kept everything abt us last time... i found a note.. on a piece of paper... a orange-red note... i haf one in my hp... i still kept it dere.. dats why i dun dare to open up my hp case.. i'm scared i'll cry... hai in the box there are so many things.. the wrapper of the first gift u give me... even afew reciepts... of things we bought... n most of the movie tickets... even some wrappers... hai.. all of us...it not much.. but its enough to make me weep.. non-stop... if u are doubting if u were back to me if we will be like before... den let me tell u.. dun doubt... no more.. it will not be the same.. it will onli be better... i assure u.. i promise n i swear.. i'll love u more den ever.. i'll cherish u more den ever... i'll treat u the way u shld be treated.. i love u... dun make me wait no more.. come bac to me... i love u
| The.Goodbye. 1/12/2004 11:04:00 PM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[sick]...[depressed]...[lost]
[time]==[12.26pm]
[music]==[sisqo]=[imcomplete]
---another battle won.. how many more? can i win?... i duno.. had lunch wif my dad n mum.. had vegeterian food... dad.. was happy.. maybe cos i was eating wif dem.. finally... but den.. aft my mum left for her fren house n my dad left for wrk.. i puked out everything... gawd.. plus yesterday's food... i tink... n i felt dat i can't breathe.. nearly knock out at the toliet... felt a sudden black out... for a few seconds... aft dat... i still went to get cigs.. in the morning.. mum came into my room.. scolded me.. cos she smell cig smell... well.. dad didn't say a thing.. tho' hai i duno.. i tink i'm hopeless to him already... but still i'm smoking in my room.. i really couldn't care less... n today i told dem i m gona pack my room.. its the 3rd time i said it.. but i always nvr manage to do it... cos i really got no mood for anything...hai alrite gona go pack my room... n hopefully stop puking.. fark it?
| The.Goodbye. 1/12/2004 12:31:00 PM |
__________
--
was waiting for u again.. tho' i noe u will not be online.. how stupid can i get.. i duno.. well nvm... gona go play some games.. den off to another battle to live... hopefully... somehow i tink my time is near... i duno.. i'm so tired.. of slping.. cos it means another fight.. always calmed myself down before i slp so i hope i wun wake up in the middle crying for u shouting ur name n not able to breathe... its like struggling to live... so painful... n giddyness takes over everything.. somehow i'm scared dat i can't hold on for long.. scared dat i will give.. up... on fighting to live... not dat i want to.. its dat.. i mite not be able to take the pain.. its killing me... pls note.. dat i love u[75] n i'll miss u.. my bro's ur guys the best... i'm glad dat u guys are always here for me... i'll miss everyone... but i'll miss the most is u[75]... well i hope i will wake up tml.... *prayz*
| The.Goodbye. 1/12/2004 03:46:00 AM |
__________
Sunday, January 11, 2004
--
[MooD]==[lost]...[dismayed]...[depressed]...[sicken]
[time]==[9.44pm]
[music]==[Sisqo]=[imcomplete]
:::even though it seems i have everything but i don't wana be a lonely fool...i can make believe i have everything but i can't pretend that i don't see.. that without you girl ... my life is imcomplete:::[i don't have you.. it makes me wana cry.. i m crying.. all this while... for you]
--- tv[chU] is showing tis charity show... while watching.. i cried.. i duno wat m i really crying over... there are so many ppl out dere who are less... so much less fortunate den i m... i m supposed to feel happy wif my life... i noe.. i shld be happy.. but somehow i can't feel happy... i really can't.... no matter wat happen... it all comes down to i lost u... n fr dat i know i can nvr smile again...until u come back to me... today... cried the whole day.. hide in my bro's room.. listening to all the sad songs...crying all the while.... left 2 voicemail at ur phone... hai i hope u will hear it.. sorrie to bother u... hai i tink my voice sucks.. hai i really miss u.. n i'm really going crazy... i keep thinking abt everything.. cried in the shower... showered.. for an hr.. i duno.. i hope dat.. ur not playing wif my heart.. again... i love u...
| The.Goodbye. 1/11/2004 09:59:00 PM |
__________
--
hai duno... i feel so tired.. but i'm staying up.. hoping somehow i will meet u online.. msg u the whole day.. u didn't reply... i guess ur wif her... hai.. i noe u wun be online.. but still i m waiting... everyday ... i'm onli looking forward for time to pass aft midnite so i can chat wif u online... even tho' i noe the next day in sch i will be dead corpse... like i said.. u mean more den the world to me... i will do anything .. for u... hai.. i duno.. maybe i'm stupid... i duno.. there is a saying a break up will make u stronger... den i rather be weak den having to lose u... all those things i've done... looks like i haf move on... did so many times.. got new haircuts.. done wakeboarding[was supposed to be ur christmas surprise] got dead drunk.. went cheonging again like nobody business... finally mixed wif my frens... got lots of things dat i can do.. i even got syl to teach me drums.. n i even haf a fren who haf drum sets... n she told me to ask syl to teach me when i'm free but i haven give her a reply yet.. things dat we were supposed to do together... now i'm doing it alone.. its not a gd feeling... i miss u... much more... n yeah i even haf a fren who has turntable.. something dat u wanted to learn... n yeah tattoos... i didn't get dem to show it off.. ok... i dun need to show off.. both of dem is abt u.. i drew a clj.. u asked me why i tattoo dat... cos.. it has always been Chris Love Jessie... nvr did i had a change of heart... tho' it may seem dat i found someone new.. but no... zhong told me the best way to get over a relationship is to find a new one... i tried.. n yeah found sharon.. but i noe deep inside my heart.. its not true... n we are nothing but juz frens.. normal frens...the reason i took notice of her.. was bcos she was using the same hp as u.. hai.. it reminded me of u... when u wished me all the best n all.. accused me of pretending dat i'm dying infront of u at monks... u noe how much dat hurt? if onli i knew how to pretend.. i would pretend i'm alrite.. pretend dat i've got over u... pretend dat ur nothing to me.. but no i can't... n furthermore i m drunk... dead drunk... cried like fuck.. made a disgrace of myself.. on dat day... n den u told me not to act..n said dat i found someone new.. i wished i really did... all those are juz plays i haf to put up everyday... i'm living a life of a stage performer.. an actor... even when i blog.. i have to pretend she means something to me... why... cos i dun wan my bros to worry abt me no more.. n i noe dat they are sick n sad enough of seeing me like dat... so wat m i supposed to do.. make myself more pathetic? n make dem more sad.. no u noe i'm not dat kind of person... so i had to pretend i was happily enjoying the crush i haf on her... but the truth... no it wasn't... it was nothing.. she is juz a fren.. tho' i bought her christmas present.. was alil excited.. over it.. of cos... somehow i see u in her... i duno why.. tho' looks are so different.. ur way beautiful den anyone in tis world.. i juz duno.. hai... when u told me u were jealous.. i was sad.. to make u feel dat way... i was trying to clear things up n explain myself.. dat no it was nothing.. hai... we are merely frens.. tho' now we always go out together.. but its always wif my bros n all... n i'm not the one who call her out... hai alrite i shall stop explaining myself.. hai... as long as i noe dat there is nothing between me n her.. its enough.. n now i'm even distancing myself fr her.. i duno why.. in the aftnn flo ask me to msg sharon ask her wat time wana meet n all.. n i was like no i dun wan u msg i still lying on my bed... blah blah blah.. den she ask me to call her cos sharon didn't reply.. n i was like.. no.. i dun wan.. u call... n in the end we nvr meet up..well its gd n bad.. gd dat i slack at hm... rest.. bad.. i didn't get the chance to buy the med... so tonite is gona be a struggle for life again.. yesterday... was painfull.. its been awhile since i haf to handle dat... i really wanted to give up... n juz die... cos its really painful in the chest... i'm so afraid to slp.. cos i'm scared dat i wun wake up.. not bcos i'm scared of dying.. i'm nvr scared of dying... its dat i'm scared dat i'll nvr get to see u again... so many times i experience death comming... n me escaping it.. was terrified at the first one.. the red house incident... if i really died den.. i would not haf known u.. but i didn't... my frens all tot i would die.. so funny.. one of dem even took out hp prepared to dial 995...den they all told me to be grateful dat i'm alive... i was.. really.. haha so grateful dat aft bruises n bad scratches on me.. i went to play the theme park... well... dats me.. nvr noe how to value myself.. nvr noe how to take care of myself.. i didn't even wash my wounds.. n the best part is dat it didn't leave scars... cos its not juz a normal car accident.. my fren who can see...those stuff.. saw something in between me n the car... n he was the one who was preparing to call 995... he really tot i'm gona be dead.. hahaha.. n he tot me dat izit it weird dat it didn't leave scars.. when its so badly scarred... well.. n now.. all these out of breath... can't breathe... scene is torturing me again.. if u ask me wat is the most physical pain i ever had.. i will be tis.. even those scars didn't hurt dat much.. tho' i m really badly scarred... cuts on my face.. my hands n legs.. long deep cuts.. dun hurt as much as trying to catch my breathe.. something dat i had to deal wif it now.. everyday.. until i get my med... its painful its torture... but if i was given a choice.. between hafing u back ... n having a chance to not experience tis painful torture... i will onli choose hafing u back.. u mite not believe.. but yes i will.. maybe u tink wat i'm saying is rebundant.. its ok... i noe its true fr my heart... its enough... but is it really enough.. hai.. honestly.. no.. i need u to believe too.. hai.. i duno.. everyday... everything... i see... i do... its juz u... i look at myself.. i see u in every part of me... every now n den i'm crying no matter where i m.. i'm crying in the inside.. n most of the time.. inside... n outside... i miss u.. i love u... u are more den the world to me.. more den anything to me... all those things i said are true... things dat i've nvr told anyone in my life... but u noe... tings dat i m ashamed of.. i tell u.. i've been hiding it.. for so many years.. keeping a sin is really hard.. n i will onli wan u to noe.. i duno... if i'm bad.. or gd... i would wan u to be the first to noe.. hai... u asked me why i told u... i said dat if i need anyone to forgive me... i would wan it to be u... hai... ur juz constantly in my head... i dun wana push u.. i really dun.. but i'm beat n tired.. holding on... but still i m holding on... if dere is a small chance dat u will come bac to me.. i will fight for it.. i will not be like an idiot.. like dat time.. when i let u go so easily.. no... all i hope is dat.. all these is not juz blank hopes.. not juz making me feel better.. not juz making urself feel better.. hai i believe u.. i really do.. when u told me all those words.. i really do... all i can give u.. is juz my heart... n happiness... tis i can promise... the rest.. i will fight hard for u.. n i'll be able to do it... i noe.. everything is gona be the same.. its gona be even better.. i'll treat u the way u shld be treated.. i'll not show my egoism... anymore.. hai.. guess i wrote alot.. its time to stop... [25175]=[CLJ]=forever... i love u with all my heart n soul... love u wif everything i own... love u to the moon and back n more den words can say.... i love u... my all my life.. ur my everything.. ur the world.. ur the sun.. ur the mood.. ur above everything... even my life... ur my angel.. sent from above.. so dun leave me... i need an angel..juz like u... i love u...
| The.Goodbye. 1/11/2004 03:58:00 AM |
__________
Saturday, January 10, 2004
--
was supposed to go out today.. wif flo,sharon,chups n maybe val.. but in the end didn't.. wasn't in the mood to go out too.. hai.. n all of us are dragging... flo keep asking me to msg sharon or call her.. but i didn't n i dun wan to .. i duno why... hai watever i m staying at hm hoping to get some quaility rest... i tink i took more den 3hrs to type tis short blog... i keep staring n staring.. duno how to start.. duno wat to write.. it sucks.. was toking to adeline.. online.. not my sch dat adelene.. its my online fren... hai was telling her abt tis photographer guy called kevin carter n dat he is doing photojournalism.. which i want to do... n he committed suicide.. he see so many things in life... so many things dat we dun get to see.. he even won the 'Pulitzer Prize' its a very noble prize.. for a photographer...its onli once a year.. n 1 out of so many other pictures... in the world... he won tis one prize... but 2mths aft dat... he commited suicide... n he left a note... n these are the words "I'm really, really sorry," he explained in a note left on the passenger seat beneath a knapsack. "The pain of life overrides the joy to the point that joy does not exist." when i told adeline dat i mite become like him... she told me dat i will not... 'cos wif all dat smokin n drinkin.... u may die before u r able to take up his job n u wont have to commit suicide....' n 'i noe i'm bein sacarstic n stuffs....' n 'but....' n 'i dunno how to make u value urself more....' when i heard these i was laughing.. i duno why.. it sound funny to me... but den.. when she told me dat she duno how to make me value myself more... i felt the pain... in me... i really duno how to value myself.. cos for all my life i nvr did.. aft i found u[75] i learned how to value u... n now i realised dat i m nothing... no valuation...all i valued is juz u... now dat i noe.. i still wun change.. to me i'm juz another being in the world.. but u... ur not a normal being... ur someone who changed my life.. changed me.. to a better person.. something dat i cannot deny.. ur my angel... u always been... hai i love u... something i can't deny... i need u... more den anything else... i'll give up everything for u... even if i haf to give up to being a photographer... juz to be wif u... i would... u mean more than the world to me.. so much more.. more den any words can expressed... i love.. u yes i do... come bac to me...
| The.Goodbye. 1/10/2004 08:05:00 PM |
__________
--
[sch]
went to sch.. was supposed to be early.. left hm early.. but overslept in bus missed the stop.. in the end tok cab to sch.. late by 10mins... sucks... was history class.. trying hard to open up my eyes... tho' the topic is abt photography... learned abt tis photographer kevin carter.. such a sad story.. i mite end up like him someday.. cos i'm into wats he is doing... well... aft sch.. my classmate told me her fren wana noe me.. said hi.. ask for my no. but i didn't give... i duno why.. she is pretty i muz say.. but hai.. i can't erase u in my heart... hai maybe i tink too far.. maybe she juz wana be frenz.. yeah i tot abt dat... but well... i still didn't give in the end... i pretended i need to go off urgently... hai got hm... went online to search for kevin carter... read as many articles on him as i can... ... den saw val online so we decided to meet up.. wif syl n mel... so i went down to hougang... den suddenly syl told me dat sharon meeting? n i was like huh how come? n blah blah blah. but well she didn't joined in the end...well seriously i dun care.. ok.. i really dun... den we went to the beach onli me n mel drank.. beer.. syl n val didn't drink.. had a hard time finishing it.. wif straw... hai well dats abt all... i love u [75] come bac to me
| The.Goodbye. 1/10/2004 04:00:00 AM |
__________
Friday, January 09, 2004
--
[MooD]==[bored]...[craving.for.smoke]...[depressed]
[time]==[4.35pm]
[music]==[evanescence]=[my.immortal]
---going off to meet val now.. hai been staring at the screen tinking of wat to type.. tink i'll be back to blog later i guess...
| The.Goodbye. 1/09/2004 04:37:00 PM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[tired]...[lost]...[depressed]...[damn.tired]
[time]==[1.37am]
[music]==[dishwalla]=[home]
==come n take me home.take me where you are.lead me to ur door.at least juz for awhile.let me in.just let me in.n let me leave.just let me leave tis world.at least juz for awhile==
---sch was alrite.. first time i enjoyed sch.. finally learning flash... was damn fun.. seriously... nvr like a computer sub dat much before.. juz learn some basics.. kinda simple.. but i noe there is lots more to learn i hope i can master it! den i can do alot of stuff wif it.. man... well... hai was tinking abt u all the time... hai wondering wat ur doing... hai ..nowadays i really duno wat to blog.. its getting lesser n lesser words.. guess i'm alil sick n tired.. of blogging.. hai... all i noe is dat i miss u.. n i guess ur the reason i haf no mood for anyting... even when i'm so sick... i refused to see the doc.. nor will i cut down my smoking... hai.. i juz want myself to suffer... hai i duno why.. well at least i dun use the old method i used to.. if not i tink i can be the next scarification freak... hai i guess i'm juz one big fucking loser...
| The.Goodbye. 1/09/2004 01:58:00 AM |
__________
Thursday, January 08, 2004
--
at sch nw... sianz... going to darkroom now... to learn colour photography.... washing technique sianz... be back to blog later
| The.Goodbye. 1/08/2004 01:55:00 PM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[lost`]...[worried]...[depressed]
[time]==[1.41am]
[music]==[aaliyah]=[miss.you]
---today... was not a gd day.. was hoping u will sms me... bac... hai.. but no u didn't at all... i miss u so much... at sch.. sucks... k ate mee goreng.. n my tongue is killing me.. it hurts.. very pain.. tink i smoke too much dat day.. n i tink i'm gona lose my tastebud soon.. cos i can't really taste much... hai... i'm still as useless as ever.. nvr noe how to take care of myself.. i guess... hai.. but i can't stop smoking... it brings me away.. even for awhile... away to the reality dat ur gone... every stick... makes me feel better somehow.. but i noe all these doesn't last long... the sorrows n pains will come bac somehow... n i will hurt even more... i duno wat to do.. i juz keep tinking abt you.. non-stop... no matter wat i do.. u said i always make u cry... it does mean something dun it... ur crying over me somehow.. u still feel for me.. dun deny it... come bac to me.. i'll nvr make u cry again.. n even if u do.. it will onli be happy tears... i know dat i still love u.. cos i'm crying every now n den... everytime i tink of u.. i juz cant control the tears fr flowing out... tinking of all the times...we had... all the days we spent together... all the things we did.. all the things i made u.... i really miss u... n i really love u.... i m waiting for the day...dat u'll come bac to me... i promise i'll treat u gd
| The.Goodbye. 1/08/2004 01:55:00 AM |
__________
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
--
hmm nw at sch... slacking.. damn sianz.. aftn class teacher didn't come... went oversea.. not bac yet.. wtf.. can... hai now juz can slack at the computer room waiting for 5pm to have the photography club meeting.. sianz.. can.. den 5.30 another class... sucks... sucks... fucking sucks.. n u.. nw at sentosa i reckon.. having a time of ur life wif her.. great.. hai.. wat m i supposed to do.. have u read the book... hai..
| The.Goodbye. 1/07/2004 03:48:00 PM |
__________
--
feeling so tired... guess i really smoke too much... had supper at toys.. some nasi chicken... plus chili... n of cos i put alot of chili... den my tongue hurts like fuck... its really very painful... hai but i can't stop smoking.. i really can't... gona haf another smoke before i slp.. hai even till now.. my tongue feels alil numb.. yet pain... gawd... its dat gD? is dat a sigN?
| The.Goodbye. 1/07/2004 03:47:00 AM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[lost`]...[depressed]...[tired]...[dead.tired]
[time]==[3.26am]
[music]==[cranberries]=[when.you're.gone]
=i.miss.you.when.your.gone.dat.is.wat.i.do.n.i.noe.dat.its.gona.carry.on=
---juz got back fr wrk... had a bath... dead tired... had a rough day.. got up late for sch... damn late.. took a cab to sch... damn broke... hai... den sch... was very happy... cos i can't wait to see u... really can't wait... even tho' its meeting u n ah zhong... hai.. passed u the money.. n pass ah zhong wei's money... i kept the present for awhile.. duno how to give it to u... was alil shy.. cos its infront of ah zhong.. hai... i tink u will tink dat the present.. is weird?... n lame.. hai.. but its the words inside is the one dat i'm giving to u... not the book... hai.. well maybe i seem bored or sianz.. i'm sorrie.. but i'm really tired... sorrie.. but i really had a great time... cos i finally spent time wif u.. hai.. finally... i miss u so much... i really do... i love u... i noe its true... i'm rite here waiting for u....
| The.Goodbye. 1/07/2004 03:34:00 AM |
__________
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
--
It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
What am I gonna do,
said I’ve been needin’ you
wantin’ you
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
Off to college, yes, you went away
Straight from high school you up and left me
We were close friends, also lovers
Did everything for one another
Now you’re gone and I’m lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow
Come back to me
Can you feel me
Hear me callin’ for you
‘Cause it’s
It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
What am I gonna do, said I’ve been needin’ you,
wantin’ you
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
Now I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout you
And the days we used to share
It’s drivin’ me crazy, I don’t know what to do
I’m just wonderin’ if you still care
And I wanna let you know that it’s killin’ me
I know you got another life, you gotta concentrate,
baby
Come back to me
Can you feel me
Hear me callin’ for you
‘Cause it’s yeah
It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
So what am I gonna do, said I’ve been needin’ you,
wantin’ you
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine , I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
What am I gonna do
I’ve been needing you
(Iv’e been needing you wanting you, oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh)
wantin’ you
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
I can’t wait no more )
Since you went away
I don’t really feel like talkin’
Don’t wanna hear them bug me
Wonder do you understand me
I can’t do a thing without you
It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
What am I gonna do, I’ve been needin’ you, wantin’ you
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry
sometimes
I miss you
It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
So what am I gonna do, I’ve been needin’ you, wantin’
you
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
| The.Goodbye. 1/06/2004 03:15:00 AM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[depressed]
[time]==[2.12am]
[music]==[aaliyah]=[i.miss.you]
--- alrite meet chups at ard 5pm... went to bugis street shop for my pouch.. den msging u.. n found out dat u are at bugis too.. was walkin ard .. saw tis nail thingy shop.. saw all the prints so nice.. decided to buy one for u... i choose the design hope u will like it... went to pass u the nail tattoo? wat u call daT?.. i duno.. hai i miss ur voice.. hai.. aft seeing u.. i felt so depressed... u told me u going to tanglin mall.. my heart sunk... hai.. i miss u.. chups was like asking m i alrite... hai.. aft dat we went bac to bugis street to shop... i bought a shirt... white shirt.. first time.. cos chups say the white one nicer...well..i wanted to get the white one too.. cos its nicer.. haha i was hesitating cos its white.. but in the end i bought it... well today duno wats wrong wif me... perharps... i was too depressed... i bought quite a few stuff... i bough a belt.. too a so not me kinda belt... den finally bought a boxer fr muji... we shop till 9+ 10... was tired.. so we sat down for a smoke... sat at the place u n i always sit... hai.. den i saw u.. wif her... den i kept quiet... chups didn't say much either.. hai.. i miss u.. i do.. hai... come bac to me.. i want u...
| The.Goodbye. 1/06/2004 02:44:00 AM |
__________
Monday, January 05, 2004
--
[MooD]==[depressed]...[lost]...
[time]==[2.47pm]
[music]==[dishwalla]=[home]
---=let me leave this world..at least..just for awhile=---
---juz bathed had a smoke in my bro's rm.. mum n dad went johor.. going to meet chups later.. aft her toni n guy haircut... den i'm gona get the fucking pouch.. tot i will be meeting u today.. but no... u told me u duno how to tell her.. i told u to not tell her the truth cos she will sure be unhappy... den u told me u dun wana lie... how many times have u lied to me den.. she got lots of name... denise.. sylvia n even ah zhong.. didn't noe she has so much names... but nvm its all in the past.. guess i ain't dat important.. n da present meant nothing to u.. u duno how sad i m.. u dun.. maybe u say i duno how u feel too... maybe.. i wished i knew... n i wished u knew how i feel too.. but u dun... i love u.. i really do.. been crying non-stop since yesterday nite.... it sucks... hai.. i miss u.. come bac to me...
| The.Goodbye. 1/05/2004 02:50:00 PM |
__________
--
feel like shit... i really smoke alot.. n i tink i smoke damn fast... hai i duno.. i juz keep puffing n puffing non-stop... is it dat difficult to meet me.. i guess so.. the present dun mean anything to u i guess.. do u noe how much it means to me... suddenly i feel so dumb.. so hurt.. so numb.. i feel like i'm gona break down anytime... cried like shit.. some lil things u say... u duno how much it hurt me.. hai it all sucks k sucks to the core
| The.Goodbye. 1/05/2004 05:13:00 AM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[lost]...[depressed]...
[time]==[12.53am]
[music]==[usher]=[separated]
---today.. was supposed to pack my room.. but i didn't at all... hai.. was slacking ard.. online.. playing THE SIMS... until val called me n say she is comming down wif eunice.. syl supposed to come.. but well.. she is wif mel lar huh haha.. den went down to meet val n eunice.. i went to develop the film.. dey were supposed to eat.. but didn't eat.. so we juz chat? n i smoke n smoke! ahaha finally can smoke.. can die can.. was coughing like fuck again.. sianz.. well aft awhile me n val send eunice hm.. took cab.. down to tiong baru can... den back to pasir ris.. den val went to the 24hrs coffeeshop n eat.. she kept asking me to eat.. but nah i didn't eat slack till 11 den went bac hm.. got hm played sims again till 12+.. haha forgot the time... den now online to blog.. n hope to see u... hai.. the whole day sucks... on the cab went past u house twice.. hai can't help but tink bac to last time.. when i always go to ur house wif lunch.. n eat together.. watch tv.. wait for u to prepare.. n fell aslp together.. everything... was still fresh in my head... i can't help but frown... i can't deny.. dat ur still the one i miss.. the most precious in my life is u...
| The.Goodbye. 1/05/2004 01:01:00 AM |
__________
Sunday, January 04, 2004
--
[MooD]==[tired]...[depressed]...[itchy]
[time]==[4.34pm]
[music]==[robbie.williams]=[sexed.up]
---juz woke up.. so tired.. took 3 pills to slp yesterday was crying.. over u again i guess.. hai n i was tinking of my grandfather.. the med is killing me... i can hardly open my eyes.. but i noe i need to wake up...its sucks.. i can hardly get out of bed.. so weak.. read the bottle.. the most one day can onli take 2 pills... woo~hoo~ haha didn't noe.. maybe dats why i'm so weak..plus my butt is aching like fuck... my legs are alrite man.. haha no aches.. but lots of mosquito bites.. sucks can n my tattoo... look so disgustingn painful! when i try to stretch.. or when i apply the cream.. but well its ok lar.. there is always a price to pay for everything.. tink later val n syl comming my house.. chups yesterday said dat she might come n find me if she didn't go wrk today.. well i guess she went wrk today aye.. well hai.. was still thinking abt yesterday.. saw ur msg juz.. the one u replied me.. guess the 3pills is strong.. very strong.. cos i didn't manage u wait for ur reply..den i fell aslp... i'm sorrie for treating u so cold.. hai.. really sorrie.. can't wait to get out of house later.. i need to smoke badly.. to keep me awake.. alrite.. tink i'll go n pack my room alil...
| The.Goodbye. 1/04/2004 05:00:00 PM |
__________
--
=something dat i can't deny=
all the while taking pics.. all my mind was fill u juz pictures of us... when u were accompanying me to take pics on bedok reservoir.. hai.. all my wrks.. dat i submitted was taken fr dere if u realised.. so many places in singapore i go back dere to take.. cos i wan to hand in ..'our' wrks.. hai.. but its ok.. u didn't really see the rest of my wrk anyway.. hai.. sorrie.. abt my attitude.. i really hate ur nick.. it sucks..k.. u noe how hurt i m when i haf to tok to ur nick.. i guess u duno.. but still i'm sorrie
| The.Goodbye. 1/04/2004 03:45:00 AM |
__________
--
bac to blog.. on UBIN TRIP:::
--- we went to one end of ubin... rode alil dirt track.. so shiok.. all the rocks n all... was so bloody shaky... n big rocks.. woW! can't wait to fall somehow... but nah didn't.. did a detour... n went to tis coconut auntie stand to sit down n relaz n smoke.. n drink coconut of cos... den me syl n val went to the wooden planks.. u no those kampoung style kind.. where the toliet is juz one hole kind? ahaha there are planks leading further out.. den val sat at the side den syl beside i sat on the sticks.. haha den the scenery was so beautiful.. so i went to take my camera to take a few shots up the planks.. den i went down to the side of the river? lake? watever...to take fr the other side.. n the place is damn muddy..but well i went down anyway.. n yeah i didn't slip kies.. its juz dat the mud is damn soft..... so my left leg sink in... n i lost balance... n fell but i onli kena my right side.. my right leg... bem... n hands... hai damn suay can.. n the best is dat side no water... onez.. can.. the aunty water like dun trust.. cos.. of wat flo said juz nw when she washed her hands... but well i still used alil of the water to wash clean my hands... den i still went bac to take the pic.. my legs i juz wipe it off wif tissue i juz wanna take pictures.. couldn't care less.. n i went further in to take somemore.. haha n dey all are like saying pls dun fall again.. kaoz..well den bac up to slack wif val n smoke... having difficulties to smoke even.. i can hardly breathe.. keep coughing.. like crazy... hai.. i tink i really need to train my stamina... n get rid of the cough.. well aft slacking for quite awhile went off to find the toliet.. to wash my legs.. gawd.. the toliet.. water.. sucks.. its yellow... n the cubicle.. stinks like piss can.. sucky.. well we rode bac to where we started n haf out lunch.. ard 3+... the food...kinda sucky.. to me lar... maybe cos i got no appetite.. we really slack damn long again lor.. haha continue cycling ard 4+ can.. den we went the other side.. to the beach.. the beach was alrite.. not really beautiful... its kinda dirty.. but damn nice to climb.. haha n nice to take.. n there is alot of stones to climb.. shiok!.. den i sat at the bricks awhile looking at the scenery.. sorrie guys.. when i take picture.. i dun really care abt the rest of u guys i juz keep going further n further.. n ignoring u guys... well when it comes to taking pictures.. i tink i'll become like dat...hai.. nvm we left ard 6.. got bac to changi jetty ard 6+ waited for val's fren to come till 7.. was pissed off wif dat fren of hers.. as in all of us!.. well den we took 19 bac to tam to toys.. cos chups say she wanna see how the uv tattoo looks like.. den syl wanna claim cabfare.. den sharon wana collect pay.. den aftdat we went fish n co n eat.. i shared food wif val.. seafood platter for 2.. alot sia.. so i ask the rest to help us wif it.. haha n yeah gave sharon alot of prawns n fries.. cos its like the rest all lazy to peel haha so i juz give it to her haha.. she sure can eat lor.. serious.. well aft eating slack outside.. those round benches.. was smoking n took lots of pics.. mel wants to finish up her film.. really took alot of lame pictures... seriously lame.. haha but was kinda fun... well den took cab hm wif syl... die.. so used to cab already.. hai... sucks... alrite dats abt all for today...
| The.Goodbye. 1/04/2004 02:33:00 AM |
__________
--
ok bac fr the rest... went to watch my bro play ps2 FFX... fell aslp... until u msg me.. den i went bac to the com... hai.. saw ur nick.. it sucks... feel like 10thousand spoons went on my knees as a knife...
| The.Goodbye. 1/04/2004 01:53:00 AM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[butt.aches]...[tanned..hot]...[missing.u.hai]
[time]==[11.53pm]
[music]==[dishwalla]=[home]
---got hm ard 10+ close to 11... had a damn tiring day today...went to ubin wif syl,flo,melody,melissa,val n sharon... spend 2hrs+ waiting for all of us to meet up... i went to meet syl at loyang point.. which is like so near my house.. but i took cab dere.. was very lazy to walk... den meeting flo n melody on bus no.9 cos they took down fr their house? den yeah took 9 down to the changi jetty.. we reached ar 9.40am?.. den i was like suddenly remembered.. val wake up already not... den was like calling val n well she juz woke up...n sharon... the phone is off.. which means she is aslp... best rite?... so nvm the 4 of us went to haf breakfast at the hawker centre... waiting for val n mel to prepare.. we were like forget abt sharon le bah huh.. den when val n mel arrived.. not long aft sharon called me.. saying she juz woke up n all den we were like asking her to come down now take cab n all i'll pay for her n stuff... so yeah she came down ard 12+? best... dats how long the four of us waited... haha best huh..but ok lar.. was slacking n slacking n slacking... den all of us finally arrived we went to the jetty.. n waited for awhile cos onli 12 ppl.. den the boat will go... when we reach dere of cos.. first time get a bicycle.. so we went to the shop hah n i tink i heard syl ask the auntie the most ex one is which one.. haha den we rented dat.. its onli 7.. the whole day.. can..so damn bloody cheap.. tested the bike.. mine's brake was not really ok but i dun really care.. too so we rode off aimlessly.. dere is sure lots of slopes n all n i tot my gear was spoilt.. so i was having damn hard time cycling up the bloody slope... so stupid of me.. n my right knee start to hurt.. n the cough is killing me.. the flamm. is giving me serious chest pain... n it sucks kies..i'm so scared to cough cos it hurts so much.. n i will feel dat i cannot catch my breath... so scary.. but i didn't say it out.. juz continue to cycle... till.. i like damn slow... alrite i'm tired.. i'll be bac to blog later.. going to rest awhile
| The.Goodbye. 1/04/2004 12:33:00 AM |
__________
Saturday, January 03, 2004
--
eat the chocs sharon got me for christmas was selfish didn't wanna share wif my parents haha so i took it out to eat aft dey slp hahaha.. so cute the chocs.. mini onez.. haha i haf a thing for mini-ature stuff haha got so many shapes too.. triangle?..oval? circle? heart? n pentagon? n weird weird shapes too haha.. ok lar the chocs not bad.. haha eat 3 pieces onli.. cough damn bad... cannot take it.. haha hide in the fridge haha cos wait my bro find it den he'll eat it.. haha well smoking finally can.. haha smoke alot already feel so deprived! haha staying at hm really sucks.. haha lucky my bro not comming bac to slp so i can smoke at his room now! haha no need to go to the bloody kitchen window haha n worry dat i will forgot the close it before i go to bed den tml sure kena again... hope my cough wun affect my photography skills tml! haha
| The.Goodbye. 1/03/2004 04:32:00 AM |
__________
--
Hold on to love,
that is what I do
Now that I've found you
And from above,
everything's stinking
When they're not around you
And in the night,
I could be helpless
I could be lonely,
sleeping without you
And in the day,
everything's complex
There's nothing simple,
when I'm not around you
But I miss you when you're gone
That is what I do, Hey Baby
And it's going to carry on,
That is what I knew, hey, Baby
Hold on to my hands
I feel I'm sinking,
sinking without you
And to my mind,
everything's stinking
Stinking without you
And in the night,
I could be helpless
I could be lonely,
sleeping without you
And in the day,
everything's complex
There's nothing simple,
when I'm not around you
And I miss you when you're gone
That is what I do, hey, Baby
And it's going to carry on
That is what I do, hey, Baby
| The.Goodbye. 1/03/2004 01:06:00 AM |
__________
--
juz had my bath... discovered my neck is all red... tis time the rashes is 'high' my whole back is red.. now till the neck too.. gawd.. somebody save me!!... n to tink its oveR.. no the bloody bathroom door gave my right back heel a time of its life! hahaha n now its still bleeding!... the sharp edge poke rite into my heel! haha n den blood is like rushing out like nobody business.. can...my mum was like so gan cheong.. but i juz heck care.. haha den i dirty the floor wif my blood... hahahaha tink the vein got poked haha n its still bleeding now.. tis is the 3rd time i change the tissue... best sia.. better stop soon haha cos i need my legs tml man! its ubin time! ahaha cycle but most important of all is to take pictures... yeah! oh man its been awhile... since i took the nature... can't wait for it!! hhahaha hope the weather will be nice... haha damn lar my mum is nagging abt my leg saying i shld not go tml.. haha watever k... haha its getting better i guess hahaha duno wats her prob can its juz blood.. like nvr see bfore? well its better already anyway haha... hai i miss u.. hai.. waiting for my parents to slp so i can smoke like fuck again... man whole day without smoking is killing me.. hai.. u shld be having a hell of time at monks wif her cos ya not replying me again.. well... i'm so tired.. of everything... hai wished i had u by my side to hold ... miss u..
| The.Goodbye. 1/03/2004 12:35:00 AM |
__________
Friday, January 02, 2004
--
juz had my dinner... sucky of cos... lets not tok abt it.. aye.. was toking to sharon on msn n gawd she is going to swim.. at tis point of time... power...siao one... anyway i juz got my new timetable!!.. haha fr my classmate... n u noe wat onli 4 ppl went to class nia see didn't go was the right choice.. haha damn lor the timetable really sucks!!! sucks to the core! haha but den i still get my mon off! haha n yeah more aftnn classes...haha gawd.. my right thumb like damn numb... n it purple!.. haha was tie-ing is wif rubberband... till i forgot... wah whole thumb purple.. haha so cool! but i can't move it man.. gotta give some massage! haha juz drank root beer... haha damn n i'm coughing like fuck again... damn damn damn... the tissue red sia.. got some internal throat bleeding i guess?? haha but wel it doesn't hurt so guess it ok hahaha sucks kies hahaha alrite be back to blog later go play ps2 now!!!
| The.Goodbye. 1/02/2004 08:09:00 PM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[sucks]...[confused]...[dying]
[time]==[6.31pm]
[music]==[robbie.williams]=[sexed.up]
---was supposed to go out wif pal pal , bud bud n bud sao.. and the rest.. but i woke up damn latE?... they were meeting at 1.30... they called me.. i was still slping haha n i didn't pick up the phone.. den chups called me... ard the same time.. she tot i'm wrking today.. haha i picked up her call den i called back bud bud hehe say i'm sorrie n all tired like fuck haha n lazy to go out n down wif bad cough... but i promised to haf lunch or dinner wif dem when sch starts.. aft dat i went bac to slp... till 3+ haha shiok! haha skipped lunch.. was trying to clear my room n blasting the eminem lp! haha but i didn't manage to clear up my room at all!!! was tinking abt u all the time... hai.. wondering wat u are doing n why aren't u replying me... well.. i decided to stay at hm n haf dinner wif my mum.. cos today my bro's not comming hm to eat n my dad is wrking the aftnn shift... so dat means its onli her at hm at nite if i go out.. so decided to stay at hm...tho' i noe the food she is cooking... sucks... fish.. n some vege? kill me kies.. well nvm i juz told her to not cook too much rice cos i ain't eating much aye... i feel alil bad... she is cooking for me yet i can still pick on the food.. but well.. i believe there are ppl who are worse off den me aye? but den again i dun seriously care... ok juz checked out the food... it sucks.. .. my most hated veggies... screw it lar.. fuck! i noe i go out bloodysucker! spoil my bloody mood... i'm so dying to smoke can.. fuck lar.. fuck fuck fuck!
| The.Goodbye. 1/02/2004 07:07:00 PM |
__________
--
was toking to u.. suddenly i feel like shit.. went to smoke.. 3sticks in a row... n cough like fuck... the flammed.. i cough out... got some red stains.. hope its the sign dat i'm dying soon...lets celebrate by smoking more rite!
| The.Goodbye. 1/02/2004 04:02:00 AM |
__________
--
[MooD]==[lost]...[dying]
[time]==[2.17am]
[music]==[dishwalla]=[some.where.in.the.middle]
---::::25175::::---
---wrk was alrite?... had fun crap... n all.. n i went to the uv light at the back of the store where they display all those glow in the dark stuff haha n showed my tattoo to some of dem haha so cool can! but tattoo at dat area alil the sucky cos watever i do.. i will kena dat area.. kies.. esp when its like doing the overstock.. dats why i nvr really do... sorry flo n syl.. made u guys climb up n i always disappear... my hand really hurt ar....sorrie man... its like constantly hot... n its swollen n red!... hahaa n everyone say the scar now look so damn disgusting... like some burnt mark or wat.. when i was doing cashiering i felt like shit.. cos some customer really give me the stare... when i hand dem the money!!! damn sucky kies... wtf kies tmd! haha but nvm didn't do cashier for long.. today wrk end damn fast... i didn't really do any straightening... didn't do any dry mop nor wet mop... can u believe it? haha n before the store close.. me n syl was like playing till so mad.. aha we had tis wire bin.. big one n its filled wif big Big carebear!.. haha den lynda was at dere trying to reach for the plastic inside.. haha den she called me n syl to help her take haha den me n syl was like pushing each other n all n snatching to help haha den when we ran dere.. den we both discovered dat WE CANNOT REACH THE PLASTIC TOO!!!! hahaha n we were like laughing like fuck haah trying means n ways to reach the plastic haha pushing each other haha den in the end syl n lynda squat down n started snatching to dig the plastic out of the small squares haha n all of us are laughing like shit man... haha power.. den when christine walked past us syl tot christine wat happen n we acted out again together wif lynda! ahaha n christine was like laughing n all wah biangz.. we are so crappy kies.. i cannot believe it.. aft dat did alil reshop den went to the toliet to smoke.. haha n syl was like saying haven laugh so hard for so long! ahaha well really was laughing like crazy.... n oh yeah.. something bad... n i mean damn bad happen!.. alison... dat stupid alison... pulled my pants... down... can.. in the store at the sales floor... n guess who is dere?... flo,syl,chia hiesn? bryan n i tink hui xin n of cos ALISON is ard.. n plus some lovely customer... wtf man.. lucky i got wear my shorts.. but still its like 3/4 down.... dat kind.. u noe?... biangz... n alison was like... so sorrie n all.. n i was like wah damn embarassed lor. like shit lor.. my pants is really damn dropy today.. duno why... i walk nia will slip down... den if i run... best.. if i nvr hold sure drop.. haha biangz... haha alrite blog till here ... see if i still wana blog later... tink i go smoke first
| The.Goodbye. 1/02/2004 03:01:00 AM |
__________
Thursday, January 01, 2004
--
[MooD]==[sick]...[coughing]...[sad]
[time]==[12.51pm]
[music]==[dishwalla]=[home]
---led me to ur door...
---juz had my lunch.. had vegetarian food today.. n milk... yucks... ahaha was still very full fr yesterday pork chop.. n btw it sucks too.. so tough... didn't manage to finish it... ok.. yesterday... was alrite i guess.. i drank alot man.. haha ordered long island first den waited for val to come den we ordered the 'sex on the bitch' 12 shots i let wei n zhong try one shot. ahaha ok lar.. den me n val keep tar-ing the double shots till val cannot take it den i tar finish the rest n den i almost wanted to order the 'silky panties'? i tink dats the name?... haha but val say she cannot take it already... haha well next time shall try it man! haha aft dat me wei n zhong ordered vodka lime haha at 40 nia haha she pour us the 'sex on the bitch' n gave me 2 shots free i tink haha n she offered me the vodka at a cheaper price hahaha so we all bought it ar by dat time i already not feeling too gd haha.. me n val wanted to try waterfall one lor... den ask jess she said here dun haf... i was like.. wah kaoz.. i wanna drink like fuck one lor... well nvm maybe next time alrite...as usual sharon used my ic to go in so did her some other frens hahaha i even paid for sharon to go in can... haha den they pass ard the drink to get the chop... why are they onli 15.. so troublesome!... haha oh well.. got dem in le den i dun really care already.. hahaha oh yeah when i went to buy my long island i ordered fr dat lady... dat one lar.. always dere one haha den chop my hand she look at my bangade haha n give me dat eeeEEe look haha n i told her its a tattoo haha den she was like eEeEe even more ahaha so funny can... haha cos the whole bangade is like bloody.. haha well.. tis time the tattoo pain ahaha i felt pain but still alrite lar... well kinda proud dat i design tis tattoo myself.. but i tink its sucky hahaa cos i onli spend 5mins to draw everything out 3 letters haha but i tink its really alil sucky lar.. haha n now is like damn swollen! damn red! n alil pain! tmd kies! haha well got hm ard 6+am yesterday was slacking together wif wei n zhong at mr bean haha tink we really tok alot of crap... i felt like puking all the time at monks.. but i die also dun wana puke.. waste my money.. haha i wasn't drunk.. k not drunk.. i can still tink... but my legs... n hands... practically whole body... starting to get numb... n i fell again... damn sucky...but by the time at bean i was slowly ok already.. but den the cough came bac.. was coughing like fuck again.. now also really sucks kies...! fuck! haha yesterday when i got hm i msg my manager say i wanna wrk aftnn today haha alrite signing off to continue at nite! haha gotta wrk now~ sucks kies! haha but nvm flo n syl wrking! haha lets rock!
| The.Goodbye. 1/01/2004 01:09:00 PM |
__________
