These are the words of the unsophisticated money machines

Thursday, April 28, 2005

to tink things haf alrdy been very bad...
no today woke up things are even worse
its raining like cats n dogs... fucking hell
then nvm.. got my mens today.. like.. fucking hell on assessment day
how unlucky can i get..
n then my plaster starts dripping blood!! suddenly... den best.. stained my letterhead... i juz reprint one of it.. lucky got extra paper
n i open the plaster n was shock to see got one black patch.. yucks.. like machiam
rot liaoz... eeeeee fuck sia... oh man so suay... k i gtg i m gona be late for the lunch meeting... wish me luck

| The.Goodbye. 4/28/2005 10:08:00 AM |

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i juz toked to bibi on the phone like finally its been like maybe 2weeks since we last did dat? i m experincing a emotional breakdown recently n its bringing me down so bad.. is it over nw.. i hope so..

u can't believe how suay i could be on the eve of my assesment
i lost my long ruler.. which is impossible to lose its 60cm long something i will nvr bring out i guess.. but its lost.. really really lost.. my mum n dad even helped me find it.. oh well nvm dats nt the worse cos i still got one 30cm to survive on..
the worst is to get my thumb hurt... nw.. i can't even press down the paper in order to fold it with my thumb.. u mite tink i cry baby.. chicken shit.. but no.. its really deep.. k.. i haf to thank god for fingernails.. if nt i tink i mite haf slash thru part of the bones.. then it wun be worse..i haf to press the wound for close to 30mins in order to stop the blood fr rushing out? if it doesn't stop then i m sooo dead cos i would need to go hopsital.. n WASTE TIME I STILL NEED TO FUCKING MOUNT MY STUFF.. but lucky it stop bleeding.. slowly..den my mum was supposed to help me put those yellow coloured liquid med.. den she dun dare to put... she called my dad out to put... like wth.. den even plaster also ask my dad put.. ask me why i didn't cos my both hands were very cold n i was shaking.. tink the cut is too deep.. my hand turn pale.. n my mum say my hand very cold.. like wtf... they duno how to console me
onli know how to make me feel more freaked out...hey its bad enough to see my bloodstains fr my room to the bloody kitchen... but when everything is over i went back cutting... n guess wat? i tink i used too much force the wound open AGAIN!!! but i didn't bother much cos the blood ain't flowwing like before... juz slowly... but alot!.. stained my photos.. lucky i had them laminated i can wipe it off.. phew.. but in the end i changed 5plasters.. n i soiled 3sheets of my sketches n 1 ENVELOPE I MADE WITH SO MUCH EFFORT!! but nw the blood has ceased flowing.. which is of cos a gd thing.. oh well. but i m so tempted to open n see exactly how big is the cut!!! shld i? oh well i tink i will... oh well the first n only person to wish my gd luck for my assesment tml is peizhen.. thanks alot bro. but i m quite sad..
u shld know why.. k
i m going to slp gotta be prepare.. but i m very nervous abt tml.. very
wish me luck

| The.Goodbye. 4/28/2005 05:18:00 AM |

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Breathe in right away,
Nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time,
Take your lies get off my case
Some day I will find,
A love that flows through me like this
This will fall away, this will fall away

(Chorus)
You're getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer, you're holding
the rope and taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser, yeah

This is getting old,
I can't break these chains that I hold
My body's growing cold,
There's nothing left of this mind or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier,
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away, this will fall away

You're getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer, you're holding
the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser
Well I'm a loser

You're getting closer,
To pushing me off of lifes little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser

You're getting closer,
To pushing me off of lifes little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
you're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser

this is how i m kinda feeling nw..

| The.Goodbye. 4/28/2005 03:56:00 AM |

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

well I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
and are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I were to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
it could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

tml is my assessment i got everything out except my sketches n developments which is pretty fast by every rite i shld be enjoying myself and having fun but no i m nt
i m cooking maggie mee nw for lunch all by myself. later i m going to collect the namecard at my sch printing shop all by myself. depression has feel me up so badly
its been almost or maybe more then a week that we tok on the phone bfore we slp.
i wonder how u really feel sometimes
i guess rite nw i m back to cooking the maggi mee alone nw.

| The.Goodbye. 4/27/2005 02:48:00 PM |

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Sunday, April 24, 2005

ok ppl i know its been a long time since i last update... i m juz so very lazy to do dat..gona grad soon real soon n i m very sad.. rem when i was in sch i can't wait to get out of it.. nw i m finally getting out of dat shithole... i actually realise i miss it alot.. really alot.. gona miss my classmates the most the 3peas.. the crazy n bhb adelene.. the siao rapper xiaomin.. the guy who always pretended to be quiet.. but actually fucking lame-kaixin the onli chinaguy in our class n farking helpful one junyi the onli malay dat tok cork n nonsense n very religious one fadzil guess dats abt all i m goan miss the rest.. oh well... there still is one who doesn't come sch much always sick juz bought a new powermac eunice...the i really really really honesty can't click at all liming the new kid on the block.. farking lame.. n really 'gd' ktv singer...kimhong the big hole wipe backside arse steve. ok i tink dats all rite? n of cos my bud n my pal..

ok enough of the sadness
ppl u gays shld watch the OC these is a small part lesbian COUPLE!!!!!
yes u nvr see wrongly!!!
between this new char call alexx i duno how u spell it n marissa!!
the new char is acted by OLIVIA WILDE!!! wah i tell u she is one HOT PUNK CHICK inside... i m so into her nw.. like wah.. but hai she is gona leave eventually
how sad.. i always wanted ryan n marissa to get back but nw i dun wan them to get BAC
but oh well i guess ... the 2 of them are the main char plus dat curly hair seth and summer.. hai... i will miss olivia wilde alot.. lol haha i tok like as if i knew her in person
ok enuff of oc

my dad juz came bac fr oversea doing his stupid hotel business which i tink is nt making money? but oh well who cares everytime he go overseas i feel like shit.. why? cos HIS CAR IS LEFT UNUSED!!!!! n i can't get to drive it.. cos i dun fucking hell got a licsence... yes serve me rite damm lazy to go get one.. nw gotta wait till i grad.. oh man.. last time nt entu cos my bro will be the one driving nw different he got his own lancer.. which i m so dying to drive too.. the last time i rememebered he allows me to drive.. but i know its juz for awhile.. hai.. fucking sad lar.. ok lets nt tok abt it

ok i m quite done here.. i alrdy DI ard 29 photos.. some duplicates to see the difference i reall can't choose which one i wan.. hai fucking troublesome... fuck lar gona leave till tml .. hopefully bibi comes.. den maybe can help me out wif the choosing.. n yeah need to get plenty of cd-r.. sianz..
ok dats abt all
miss bibi.. miss smurfy baby..

| The.Goodbye. 4/24/2005 04:37:00 AM |

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Monday, April 11, 2005

i've been lazy to blog n read blogs.. but today i went to read some blogs.. as usual bibi,val,syl.. is the usual blogs i'll read but today i went to check out the kid.. ah zhong blog... i was hoping something nice... abt me... since u seldom blog or even u blog u hardly or don't blog abt me.. but NT... u said i look more kiddish...
dat..is nt very nice of u ah zhong... naughty gal.. later i beat backside... kid alrdy behave like dat.. next time grow up how?... haiyo... *points finger*n*moving up n down) lol ok cut the crap.. well hope u enjoy ur trip dere k... take care!

today---> finally took finish all my films photo... total i took 6 rolls in maybe a week sad or wat.. was sick for most of the time i was taking.. even till nw...
i feel like i got flamms dat could fill up the gas station... n bcos of all the coughing.. i puked easily.. cos keep coughing den.. watever i act.. all kena cough up.. fucking sad.. n worse is.. due to the coughing i feel dat my left nerve on the left side of my head.. hurt... n due.. causing me.. constant headache.. n boy dat sucks... i feel like shit.. really.. 2more weeks n i m suppose to grad.. yet i got all these shit... how to do wrk properly.. i can't even dun cough for 1min..

oh did i mention i puked at sch on fri.. wat a farking loser.. damn fucked up...
but i do feel quite great.. cos my classmate.. some.. compliment dat i got great voice... LOL... so happy..tho' nt the first time i heard of that.. my china classmate keep asking to rest well recover my voice so dat when we go ktv on the assessment date... he can hear me sing.. lol it does feel gd.. to know dat ppl actually tinks i sing great.. LOL.. but Psst.. onli english songs.. xiaomin n adelene says i sing chinese like... ang moh.. cannot make it dat kind.. so sad...
nvm i'll try to brush up my chinese by then.. lol

todays entry is gona be a long one.. even tho; i m haunted by the coughs n headaches
today went SHOOTING fr 5+ to 8+.. quite short.. but its damn tired.. i feel so bad cos bibi was accompanying me.. n like made her walk all the way wif me.. ok lets go abt out destination.. first was city hall --- padang..court--- victoria concert hall--- the bridge that humans walks on near fullerton n is a sure bypass way fr raffles mrt to vict concert hall den to the other brigde where cars can cross.. n which is juz next to fullerton..all these are evening shots wif sunlights n shadows..aft which is the night shots.. which sucks cos i need to carry that damm stand ard.. so we went nite shooting.. ard boat quay next.. was ard dat area quite awhile.. n we walked pass MADMONKS... n it seems like it has CLOSED DOWN... lol so sad.. no more monks.. lol guess all are at mox or why not.. oh well.. we walked pass monks area den head to funan as the final destination.. for finally dinner which was ard 8.30pm had quite bad service at mac.. shan't tok abt it..den head over to jason marketplace at raffles shopping centre.. bibi wanted to but her healty meal.. lol u now wat i mean.. n i bought some chill mocha coffee.. n ended up puking dem juz nw.. lol den fr dere we walked to the bustop to take 63 hm... the walk.. was a killer.. lol i tink today we really walked... a hell lot like nobodies business... plus the weight of the 2 cam.. and the farking stand.. kills me.. cos its really FARKING HEAVY.. but nvm.. i m supposed to be strong.. lol k the headache is killing me.. i need a break
rest my head... n hopefully dream of me killing bastards i hate... lol

| The.Goodbye. 4/11/2005 04:21:00 AM |

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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

finally i feel much better...
but yesterday was hell
during my slp.. i had NITEMARE
ABT TOYS i dreamt dat i was sick
n yet had to do straightening
aft i woke up... i took my temp..
it actually was higher den wat i was bfore i slpt
wat the hell.. but well.. i still feel aches.. n giddyness
but i tink i m free fr fever... but i still feel weak
so fucking sian...

| The.Goodbye. 4/05/2005 11:21:00 PM |

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i felt so suay..
maybe i deserve it
for doing my wrk last min
i tink raining all day round was bad enough
i haven to fall sick nw
temp is 38... fark it i can hardly open my eyes
so weak n tired...
so fucking suay lar... why
hai i was still ok when i met syl.. as in not so bad
but when i got hm... things got worse
n i dun wana tell my parents cos my dad today juz said to me dat
i been slping late waking up early n all sure fall sick soon somemore weather is bad
den i kinda quarrelled wif him... n nw i m realy sick...
fark lar
k i really cannot take it
gona upload my pics for today
n charge the damn cam
hope tml can take photos

| The.Goodbye. 4/05/2005 01:38:00 AM |

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Friday, April 01, 2005

ok...
i m dead tired
went shopping on tues wif liyi n bibi
they are sure one hell of a shopping queens
buying non-stop.. n viewing non-stop
i respect... i can't.. i be damn.. argh...
esp when bibi buys an ugly skirt..this time i really meant it
make me go all the way to ps fr far east... to get that horrible skirt
ARGH... dat sucks big time.. the dumbell thing is nothing.. its nt even heavy
its juz 4kg... dats the weight of the dumbell i'm using.... its juz dat the plastic
nearly severe my fingers.. lol but ok lar.. shoulders hurt abit.. tink strain
but i m still OK! cos got bibi!..hai.. oh well 3days no see bibi.. hai.. miss her alot wonder if she does.. or she has alrdy indulged herself in shopping spree
without me finally.. oh well but i had quite fun today too...
went out with a bunch of idiots fr class.. xiaomin a.ka duck rice a.ka my rapper buddy......adelene the siao chaboh... cum AH SOH!!!! kaixin...the buang bike one..lol and kimhong... erm... the ktv.. out of tune king..but i respect his courage
we went to eat jack's place...which adelene calls ah jack.. lol den we had funny encounter dere.. with some SINGLISH SPEAKING AH SOH N AH PEK N ONE DUNO WAT when it comes to paying time the ah soh push to the ah pek den like both abit dun wan pay..wah lau lousy lar.. bforehand was toking so much rubbish... abt hotels ar.. blah blah blah.. guess.. ppl who likes to booast ard.. haf some commom factor.. can't
speak gd english..!!!!LOL YES I M SAYING YOU U FUCKING FAT BASTARD LOL BITE ME LAR RED ANTS! FUCK YOU LAR CHAO CHEE BYE@@@@ lol i tink i m crazy...
hmm aft dat went KTV!!!!!! at chinatown.. plaza? nt very sure of that place its some
k-ster or wat.. xiaomin is like the ktv.. queen in class she has this voucher so she
ask us to go..lol it was fun inside.. lol tink i kinda lost my voice... n tis is like the first time i sing always.. without much difficultity! lol... kim hong tinks dat i sing english songs quite well.. but oh well i tink i sang quite badly.. but kim hong still the best lar.. i respect his courage on singing with all his mitE! tho'... erm.. shall nt dwell into dat.. kaixing.. down dere wan this song n dat song.. den when play.. say dun really knoe how to sing.. kns feller.. lol he was the
one to warn me abt kimhong..tho' lol den xiaomin as always... can sing.. damn well n long n chinese rap... i m always the odd one.. who sings onli english.. but i did try to sing SunYanZi song.. wo bu nan guo... n xiaomin n adelene.. say i sing chinese like cannot like dat.. like i angmoy sing chinese... kns.....say i eat potato(in canto) oh.. adelene... hmm nvr do much.. at ktv... juz sit down dere... hear us sing drink her honey water... n hear our noise pollution... lol ok lar dats abt all

i m so dead tired....
bibi fell aslp.....
haven burn my stuff on cd.....
fucking lazy......
the fuckin grad show commitee stuffs are like so full of shit...........
it better be over soon.....
i need a sunny day to go shoot.....
don't rain....
i m tired of bringing my cam out n back without any new photos
hai lastly.. i miss my bibi very much...
gd nite.. bibi

| The.Goodbye. 4/01/2005 04:31:00 AM |

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| The.Goodbye. 4/01/2005 04:12:00 AM |

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