Wednesday, August 31, 2005
--
ok i hope this will be a long.. entry..
cab to work.. again..
the cabdriver.. taught me how to quit smoking
fast.. sounds logical..
but i didn't say i wana quit.
wrk.. sucks.. wats new..
need to compile the Mag.. n rushing
out last min worksheets n ads... fr ifc - ibc to obc.
fuck you lar sean.. chee bye all push to me to compile.
nabei i haven start on the 5 fucking A2 size poster lar..
CB.. nabei.. the workload is horrible.
did i mention? the design i designed for some ****** is being
put on the bus.. fucking hell lar.. its like that can't stop
haunting me lar.. CCB.. Len says i shld be proud abt it.. she says
i sound so pissed.. of cos i m.. i wish i could kill the fucking client
u all know who i m toking about.. wtf.. but if they took the devil design
i did.. i will be fucking proud of it but it will nvr happen
who wants their ******* to look devilish?
but the bus i saw it on was a trans bus.. in which PASIR RIS DUN HAF! u duno
how happy i m sia.. but my wrk.. area.... has.. n thats where i saw the
design up.. fuck sia.. ppl BOYCOTT ******!!!! fuck sheena lim - the client name.
u fucking OLD OLD OLD OLD AUNTY!
i did a lil furnishing to my blog added 2 boxes nw to put pic
will be so much more neater.. rather den juz.. put somewhere.
i will try to add stuffs inside.. soon.
its 3.33am
i told myself to slp early today..
nw i wonder which part of that i don't understand.
i guess work is stressing me out n draining my energy.
the tongue stud is so nice.. to play with... really..
i love it.. dun feel like changin to the shorteer one
cos i can't play much.. aft that.. fuck
ok lar.. i know i still has alot to fucking hell blog
but i can't fucking hell remember lar
so i m off to bed. [finally this time is for real..
usually i juz say but i don't go straight to bed...]
Have you ever
wonder ur the No.[wat]
she has said those words to?
Living is such a chore so many
fucking things
that make us
worry...
Satan has proved well.. he rawks
i m only available in mono tones.
| The.Goodbye. 8/31/2005 03:23:00 AM |
__________
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
--
i just read back and saw wat i typed..
i m real tired i guess..
so many typo mistake..
the polo ralph i tink i wore less den 10 times..
so yah.. dun worry... anyone.. jus tag or msg me.. aye.
its too colourful.. besides i only wear black.
i shld learn to blog earlier..
cos i forgot wat i wana blog.
bed here i come.
when you tink u got
everything you realised you got
nothing when you tink you got
nothing u realise you got
everything how contradicting.
thats wat we are..
nvr enough always
greedy
| The.Goodbye. 8/30/2005 02:47:00 AM |
__________
Monday, August 29, 2005
--
ok this is roughly wat i bought for the last 1 n half mths...
u see that colourful polo ralph? i dun wan it anymore.
so i m planning to give it away. interested pls call, sms
or tag me. the latest member of this club is that BLACK
limited with stars levis jeans!! cos it looked.. like machiam
washed 1000 times? when i told them the price of this..
avies nearly fainted.. LOL they ar fr topman,polo,le coq, levis
addidas. yeah the 'cock' brand got 2 exact same except for their colour.
there is still more.. i m too tired..
i always can't remmeber wat i wana blog ago...
i m so fucking tired.
eyes fucking sore.
fuck all those buddhist lar
burn burn burn
knn leh CCB. muthafucker.
tml continue.. i m too tired..
one can
nvr have the
best of both worlds.
| The.Goodbye. 8/29/2005 04:17:00 AM |
__________
Sunday, August 28, 2005
--
today.. is a fucking great day..
haircut
toys
the beach
myPlace
the company is great.
but i m fucking tired lar
loved the haircut..
love the new clay i bought lar
in which cost me 24bucks..
i need the bed.
i'll make ur sucide painless.
| The.Goodbye. 8/28/2005 02:57:00 AM |
__________
Saturday, August 27, 2005
--
finally the hair cut day has come.
Nw that i am
bleeding outmy
life is for sale and so is
death
| The.Goodbye. 8/27/2005 03:56:00 PM |
__________
--
fucking tired
everyday the same
but at the end of the day
i know i have gained more n learn more
wat more can i ask for.
i could kill you with my bare hands
| The.Goodbye. 8/27/2005 02:35:00 AM |
__________
Friday, August 26, 2005
--
i was being deployed..
to M.R. and AVID studio..
why.. to let all the
designers there to psycho me
to go to the launch party..
watever..
i m so fucking tired.
maybe cos i finally realise
n saw the knife on my back
the knife that u had stab on me
since that day i've known you.
i hoped you felt good
| The.Goodbye. 8/26/2005 02:05:00 AM |
__________
Thursday, August 25, 2005
--
i got 4 A2 size poster to do tml..
racking my brain for designs..
another 2 pp of ad..
and more one ad for the mag..
and one more ad for the new mag..
plus edtiorials..
wrk is bringing me to another new level.
designer job.. like Fucked up!
tml got a launch party in which so many
of them forcing me to go...
cos firstly is a prvt party...launch of
the new mag by C.A.P.
second there will be lots of media there
exposure is damn good..
they keep psychoing me to go..
i felt so tempted.. but the tot of Diana is there..
turns me off totally.. *PUKE*
n the fact tml we are going to palpal house to visit her
yes she is gona be discharged tml!! i m so happy for her
but she still can't move very well yet but pal will recover.
besides i m so tired i rather spend my time visting pal
do more meaningful things dan.. going some prvt party..
i didn't get the job.. m i disappointed u bet i m
sad.. n beaten sure thing.. but i kinda expected it
adelene is much better den me i know where i stand.
i wun try to say i m something before i achieved it.
even in the process of it i wun..
like how i dun wan to be a designer.. i m nw..
photographer i still m.. i will still go ard n shoot
i guess i'll juz make my way to my next plan
its time to look at loans n savings plans
how many ppl will actually buy a com/laptop
without even knowing wats the ram n all..
i know one of these ppl tho'.... EUNICE...
she can actually tok quite clearly on
the phone while brushing her teeth..
i need to slp..
those fucked up ppl burning their watever
fucked up papers for their FUCKED UP BELIEFS
is ruining the air dirty-ing the place
n causing my eyes to itch n swell.
May Satan bring all of ur fucking ass down to hell
n burn you motherfuckers.
| The.Goodbye. 8/25/2005 01:40:00 AM |
__________
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
--
wrk as usual.
i can't believe today's topic
at lunch was my piercing..
juz becos i was playing with it..
they started saying.. abt how
they wun dare to do it.. blah blah blah..
den went on saying like how EeEee.. when i play with it..
lastly.. saying about how difficult it will be for me
to eat certain food...
u know wat? i dun give a damn.
muay thai.. was like heaven today..
i forgot my wrist guard.
punching the damn training pad..
without the damn guard is like.. tough ar..
but the kicking is all rite..
when u hear the loud wacking sound..
it feels gd..
n we juz sign up for another 8 lessons..
wooo~~~~ hoo~~~~ tot it will end..
nw its gona continue!!
but tennis mite haf to put on hold..
i duno if i haf the time..
the cab ride hm nearly got me killed..
thanks to the cab driver..
his beating the red light moves..
nearly crashed into this truck..
n thus caused me to bang right into
this front seat.. the gap behind the
truck n the car.. is visable to me eyes..
how close was it.. n u tot the driver..
will slow down.. aft dat.. no.. he sped
even faster..n beating more redlights...
but it was a hell of an enjoyable ride..
i wished i had crashed n die there.
i jus can't believe wat i found out.
i tot i was the biggest liar..
i guess i wasn't.. i tot i was the biggest bastard
for lying. but i guess putting actual
action in it is far more bastard..
i dun feel much anger..
i just felt it hard to believe.
like how can one actually do it..
i may lie but i dun betray.
| The.Goodbye. 8/24/2005 02:08:00 AM |
__________
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
--
this is me today.. yeah with the small plaster..
stares everywhere i get.. its juz a bloody plaster...
i wonder how interesting.. it is..?
wrk .. n wrk..
butt hurts.. hand hurts.. n later muay thai..
fuck..wrk sucks.. fucking hell kill kat.. really..
nose is running still i wonder will it ever stop.
i need to slp.
i miss you..
| The.Goodbye. 8/23/2005 02:22:00 AM |
__________
--
befor she had her boobs done..
like hot fr far.. look closer.. the butt look so fake.. photoshop skills kinda screwed up
look at the BOOB JOB!!
look at the old boobs..
if i was the photographer.. i will juz ask her to not wear anything.. needless to say cover anything.. LOL..
her white triangle part.. on the bottom half of her body.. looks.. damn HOT!!
i feel so perverted.. i tink i m.. she is so god damn hot! i wun tell u
her name.. cos i dun wan u all to go search for her also..
i m selfish... wahahaha..
| The.Goodbye. 8/23/2005 12:32:00 AM |
__________
Monday, August 22, 2005
--
The first time I looked into your eyes I cried
Do you remember the first time we fell in love
You looked into my eyes
Wiped the tears away
The first time when we fell in love
when we fell in love
| The.Goodbye. 8/22/2005 10:16:00 PM |
__________
--
day was quite well spent..
had cartel..
shopped... realised..
nt many places sells
ray-ban specs...
n even they haf.. only a few designs..
how sucky.. it is..
fuck.
had a cut on my chin.
slacking day
they were friendster surfing for girls..
no actually juz one is doing it.
played badminton...
its been so long..
discussed abt plans..
i really want the job..
oh man..
lets hope it all work out.
smoked quite alot today..
i m so godamn tired..
i was adjusting the size of the blog's tables..
so much better nw..
pei msged me n told me ch5 showing trista n ryan's wedding..
i stopped n went to watch..
u duno how much memories it brings back.
I still rem how much u used to love trista..
do you.. still remember?
was it just a lie..
was it all just at that point of time
n it doesn't mean anything anymore?
not even.. in ur memories
like it all doesn't exist?
like i wasn't even part of ur life at all..
i've tried..
i've really tried..
i can't do anything anymore
cos i duno wat u want.
i need to slp..
| The.Goodbye. 8/22/2005 03:01:00 AM |
__________
-Money Spent....-
My new panasonic phone... i duno why i jus love... it...
M[MANSON] the one the leads..
it was a damn sudden last min decision to just buy this.. it happens when i haf money... but i love it!
i still haven watched the emimen concert yet... Em's anger management.. X&Y.. Coldplay! dishwalla is next!
this my muay thai.. uniform.. lana is the coach's name.. i love MUAY THAI!! *bows*
i juz rearranged.. its nice to see the things that i bought...
but when u see my bank.. imagine.. i could haf saved more..
WAHAHAHAHA... evils..
| The.Goodbye. 8/22/2005 01:59:00 AM |
__________
Sunday, August 21, 2005
--
fucking tired.
no stress fr wrk.
went to ttsh
it all seem well
was really happy.
bedok slack with pei
finally had food
for the whole day.
but i wasn't starving tho'
slack n chilled.
went to slack n chill aft dat
juz got hm n had a nice hot bath
its 3.21am
i tink i m getting a lil way out of hands.
its been so long since i last sat down
and actually had dinner with my family.
did i change? i guess i did.
its juz so scary on how things n people
are changing.. its too fast n too sudden
too unpredictable.
today.. i nvr step on a bus nor mrt.
cab to every single place.
i need to reflect on myself.
my head is spinning..
eyes are still sore n blurred.
nose still running
m freaking cold nw.
i hope to get sick
i guess i hope to die
to out race the speed of pain i m feeling.
maybe u shld just do that.
| The.Goodbye. 8/21/2005 03:18:00 AM |
__________
Saturday, August 20, 2005
--
got called for another interview again.
this time its gd.
the chances are 50-50 i guess
who is the other person i m
fighting the job with?
adelene.. haha..
but it feels gd to be told
that i m good at photoshop
by someone who had ard 20years
of experience..
i missed visiting pal
had to rush to the interview.
eyes feels heavy
like blueblacks are forming
ard the eye.. vision is
constantly blur.. which scares me
if i were to ever go blind someday.
i know i will juz kill myself.
but life is so unpredictable.
that someday mite juz come.
kat you fucking hell sucks..
diana... is really getting
on my nerves.. quit asking..
wat i do every nite...
non of ur fucking business..
i need a haircut
i m gona buy that watch
no matter how much the shipping cost.
i want that new job
i need a proper rest for my body
i NEED to SLP.
this week spenditure..
i tink i can open a 3days 2 nites chalet +
bbq food n rentals... cab trip to
every single place... cut my card up.
i wonder how are u doing every single min.
i wish u well
| The.Goodbye. 8/20/2005 01:53:00 AM |
__________
Friday, August 19, 2005
--
wrk.
interview was a letdown
not that i couldn't make it
the job is nt wat i wanted.
waste my time n money.
more mag layout to do.
aft wrk
Carl's jr
slack
took bus like
nobodies business.
fucking tired.
my eyes.. can hardly open.
i can feel the tired-ness
that i have nvr felt bfore.
i kinda can't wait for sunday.
hope tml i can get off wrk early
i wana visit pal.
i m nt inhumane.
tho' i changed my beliefs.
i learn 2 new words
fr eunice [babiiwawa] & [babyiiigalll..]
they were used to describe herself.
wat happen to people nwadays?
God is Dammed.
Dammed on me.
Dammed on you
Dammed on everyone
the Dammed life.
i be here.
| The.Goodbye. 8/19/2005 03:25:00 AM |
__________
Thursday, August 18, 2005
--
tml got an interview to go to.
but i keep having this
bad feeling that i can't make it.
i duno.. i have to make it i guess.
i m scared.. i duno why..
but i duno if i want the job.
cos its a heavy burden
i m still fresh n inexperience.
i duno if i m up to the task.
meet eunice aft wrk..
it is juz weird.. n slows me
down alot without the mouse.
so eunice go get a mouse ok.
lol.
fucking tired.. washed off my nail
polish.. i m so fucking tired.. again.
i juz realised i haven stepped on
any bus nor mrt since monday.
tml i better start.. doing it.
i feel so dead. wrk is killing
more n more ID book to be done.
fuck you kat.
its been ages since i last took
lift up to my house..
it feels weird...
but i was too tired..
i wonder how much
i haf slpt.. within
the last 2 mths n more.
i can barely open my eye.
i duno why memories of u keep appearing
i tot it had stopped.
i wanted so much to ask how are u
to get info abt you but i guess my
ego is too big.. n i duno
if i can handle it nw.
i feel so unstable..
i no longer can smile the
way i used to.
the smile i have nw.
is a different smile
a smile that lost its
meaning.
for all that i had.
i'll give it all up
for a smile on ur
face.
| The.Goodbye. 8/18/2005 03:46:00 AM |
__________
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
--
6mths ago i was enjoying the time of
my life.. thinking it was the best
moment in my life that i could ever had.
2mths+ ago i was wasting my life away..
trying to destroy myself.
nw.. i dun even know why i m still alive.
btw i finally bought my addidas t-shirt..
but i only bought one.. the other one
was forbidden..by pei [claiming i spend too
much money] even tho' i haf more
than enough for 2 of them.....argh.
my eyes are sore..
throat is down
cough is up
n nose is running.
tongue is tasting like blood.
but i m still lucky-ier than
plenty people in the world.
i shld be n i m glad but
i got nothing else to wish for
but to die.
grant my wish.
i really wish u well
from my dying n wounded heart.
thats the best i can do.
| The.Goodbye. 8/17/2005 02:17:00 AM |
__________
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
--
palpal looks better..
was surprised dat syl called
n ask me abt my fren..
thanks bro..
it really hurts.
i see the way she grabs
my hands.. like she can't really
grab properly.
but she will get well.
n i stopped praying to god.
dun ask me why.
i wished i knew why i lost
all my faith.
i m so beat n tired.
i know that i can't hide it anymore
maybe its time i let myself go.
set myself free fr the hands
of god n lead myself to
satan.
staring right back in the face.
it became unfamiliar
a memory can't be erased
i've tried.
i will nvr be the one that let goes of u.
| The.Goodbye. 8/16/2005 01:21:00 AM |
__________
Monday, August 15, 2005
--
just did up the blog for the brothers.
i love it lots.
when i haf the time i will do both mine
n the brothers blog
able to upload pics.
i m still trying to find
more choices to put my
images..
went to see doreen.
she was better was wat bud say.
but still.. i can't help but frown
nvr have i seen palpal like dat..
she look so weak.. can't see.. clearly..
nor speak properly.. but she move alil
of her numb part.. juz dat.. she can't
seem to be able to control it..
it sadden me when i was massaging her
hands n her legs.. n i asked her if she
can feel it.. she said yes.. but she can't
feel exactly where the pressure is at..
it hurts to see.. life is so fragile..
tml going again aft wrk with francis.
i hope i can bring some toy for her..
hai..
aft all these i m still tinking of the
adidas t-shirt.. i hope to get it on
tues.. cos i didn't see the price.
but i tink i will buy it anyway..
i know pei is gona kill me.. cos
i said no more shopping.. since..
the very first week of august..
look wat i've bought aft that..
i so deserve to die.. i know
maybe if i could i would wish
to die n exchange my life for
ur forever happiness.. n take
away all ur worries.
when you come back down
you dun haf to be alone with
wat your going through
you dun haf to tell me wat ur feeling
i know what your going through
i will nvr be the one that let goes of you.
| The.Goodbye. 8/15/2005 01:22:00 AM |
__________
Sunday, August 14, 2005
--
it was .. a very happy day..
went to so many places..
bought... 2 levi's boxers..
had wonderful food.
bud told me that pal is in
hospital nw.. stroke..
blood clot on her left or right
brain.. half of her body is numb.
i can't believe it..
why.. how can it happen..
i was juz chatting with her online..
a few days ago.. she was asking me
why i didn't go for the grad ceremony.
i can't take it.
i really can't
its nt right.
she doesn't deserve it.
i was hoping that bud will tell me
in the end that it was.. juz a joke.
but i know this isn't the kind of thing
to joke abt. but still i wanted
bud to tell me so badly dat it was
juz a joke.. how can this happen
i can't take it..
i can't handle it.
i dun wan it to be like
my other fren.. it really hurts to see
i can't... i really can't
i hope all these was juz a bad dream
n i will wake up with everything back
to normal.. where u are still mine..
where pal is still healthy
where i was in my happiest
time of my life...
i m nt that strong.
i can't take it.
i can't lose my most precious
possesions anymore..
i alrdy lost my no.1 possesions
i can't lose anymore..
i can't take the truth
i rather i be the one who is
suffering cos i truely deserve it
i will give my life up in exchange
for anything of you.
for the first time
i wished everyone was lieing.
i know tonite i will pray to god
n wash off my black nail polish
for a day for the trip tml to
see palpal.
when u see how inhumane a person become
i guess it hurts even more.
i m somehow speechless
as how things n ppl change to fast.
i wonder if conscience even exist.
| The.Goodbye. 8/14/2005 02:08:00 AM |
__________
Saturday, August 13, 2005
--
the shifting is done.
the table is so much bigger.
my whole table is M[MANSON]
pics... u duno how much i love
my table nw... lol
the table is like erm BIG?...
i alrdy tink my old one.. is big...
nw this is even bigger.. fantastic.
the roti john at SPIZE is really nice.
even tho' it burns my tongue n leave it
swollen n sore....i still enjoyed it
like fuck.
i really need to replenish my slp..
i know i m gona breakdown soon.
the new cough.. is killing me
cos the barbell is blocking the passage
so everytime i cough i will pull the
barbell... how nice...
i can't even imagine how
i will be like in 2 years time..
i alrdy feel so old.
lastly i need a fucking haircut soon.
its times when you tink u got it all
it turns out u lost it all while trying
the biggest change i made
will be the change in my beliefs.
i wish you well everyday in my heart.
the only thing that makes me still
pray to GOD abt.
| The.Goodbye. 8/13/2005 12:24:00 AM |
__________
Friday, August 12, 2005
--
diana is getting on my nerves
she is a fucking pain in the eye.
fucking A.A. stop telling me
how stress out you are...
fuck off.. n yeah stop
comming over my table can't
u see i m ignoring u.
piece of shit.
the ID booklet is out.
it feels really gd.. to see it
out. accomplished is defintely.
at least i got my very own
layout booklet done by solely me.
just that the cover.. design..
is nt my idea.. but i excute it.
but well.. i do feel gd in a way.
tml is shifting day.
shifting to a bigger table.
which is gd. i nw can put up all
my M[MANSON] photos. all round
n diana is not gona be of the same level
as us.. which is a defintely good thing
but sadly kennie also..
well.
its sad when you are a user friendly.
i remember all the lil soft toys u had n their names.
| The.Goodbye. 8/12/2005 01:06:00 AM |
__________
Thursday, August 11, 2005
--
claudine n me are arguing abt who is more shy.
i tink its very easy.. to tell..
obviously i m so much more 'shy' then her.
wat is love?
wat is life?
wat is all these?
wat is wat.
qns n more qns
when will we ever find the answers.
its is alrdy there
but we are juz too blind to see
or are we too stubborn to see it.
or perhaps the truth is jus too hard
for us to take so we chose to avoid it.
who can ever haf the right answer
to the meaning of life.
living is a chore
which everyone has to do
whether we like it or nt.
everything turns out to be one big lie.
so tell me wat is life?
when you want it goes away to fast
times you hate it always seems to last.
cracks all around n they are all made up
of every part of me. you build ur happiness
with my sorrows.
still i remember all the cereals u ever bought
n how you eat them. n our tries on brownie.
i guess i can only be the wind.
cos u will nvr see it but only feel it.
[C.I.N.A.T.A.S.M.I.] = [I.M.S.A.T.A.N.I.C.]
finally i can put it openly..
val finally found out.. wat it meant.
| The.Goodbye. 8/11/2005 01:49:00 AM |
__________
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
--
yesterday.
last min decison to go club
pei msg me n say claudine ask her
n me to go gotham penthouse together
some nation party.
so aft wrk i took bus 608 to meet pei at bedok
the journey on 608 was tough..
memories n all.. still rem the first time i took
that bus.. how i was so excited abt how many places
it actually goes.. n telling her abt it.
but i really like the bus very much
damn old school trans bus.. haha
ok back to topic..
went to bedok bk... cos i need to fucking hell
eat.. if i wana drink.. cos i know i can't resist
the tequila shots temptations..
i feel so tired to eat nw..
having to chew so carefully... like sucks.
me n pei went down.. ard 10+ den claudine called..
saying gotham like fucking crowded..
say go coco latte instead... so yah.. went there.
guess most ppl were at gotham.. den discovered that
its full house n all there came over to coco instead.
cos it was damn empty.. den ... damn packed..
like i said.. claudine.. is weird..
like how she manage to club with bf n
brings along her ex-gf... haha
oh well me n pei left. ard 1+ 2? went to pick
seek up fr wrk den both of them came over my house
for the nite. tequila pop nvr give me such great sensation
until yesterday.. how the salt n lemon..
gets me to a higher ground.. LOL
today ordered macdonald takeaway ..
like how slow are they..
haha pei finally watched
a walk to remember tho' she watched before
den seek left for wrk at 4.30.
pei stayed on to finish up the show
den left for hm so she can see rui'an
on ch5.. singing the national day song....
den i went to BATHED... n went to
meet syl n flo at elias.. i like lost in there
haha both of them were watching..
the parade.. the marching part n all
den we head to fisherman village..
i had fruit punch!! cos i dun drink beer.
hahaha.. was chatting.. abt stuffs.
past.. how we were.. how we be like
in the future.. n analysing the four of us
den the sensitive topic came..
family.. about.. like how much we dun
like our parents.. nw.. but when the
day comes for them to part..
we know deep inside.. we will be crushed.
like how i hate my dad for watever he had done
to this family.. i know when the day comes
for him to part i will be crying like a lil
girl over things that i've done to let him
down n things dat i have nt done...
n the topic went even more sadder..
when we are toking abt grandparents..
the fact that my grandfather[my mother's father.]
doesn't remember.. me sadden me...
even just nw.. when we were toking abt it
tears roll out naturally..
tinking abt how i used to give excuse
to avoid going back.. to visit them..
makes me feel so guilty.. giving fake excuses..
i was so selfish.. all i wanted is to enjoy
n haf fun when they are away.. n spending more time
with her.. where the fact that my grandfather
dote on us the most.. n he couldn't even rem me.
the fact really kills me.. i wasn't even there
when he passed away..the day i went to visit him
i can't wait to come back to her instead... sometimes
i really wonder how blinded we are by things that
we believed in at that very point of time...
when i went back for the funeral.. i felt
so ashamed of myself.. wondering wat took me
so long to see my only blood related grandfather i had
in my whole entire life.. why isit the very last time
i see him is that he is lying on his bed with lots
of tubes n look so weak n skinny.. when all is too late.
when all i could do is cry.. n regret.. the
scene where my mum keep asking my grandfather if he remember
me n him shaking his head.. is still fresh in my mind..
n how i teared painfully at the hospital..
the day when they closed the coffin.. n carry it out
to the car.. was the day my mum saw me break down
the hardest... i guess she nvr tot i would cry so hard.
this is biggest regret i ever had..
when you tot life is going ur way
n ur happy... n enjoying it
getting things u wanted but there is
always something in the past that
crawls into us n regrets that
stained our life forever.
so when someone say
life or anything is perfect
i tink its bull n self decieving.
i will always be ur wind.
| The.Goodbye. 8/10/2005 01:38:00 AM |
__________
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
--
was planning to haf a nice entry
for my blog until flo called
n say we are meeting earlier..
but nvm i shall blog alil.
i keep tinking that
today is a bloody sunday..
prob cos its like clubbing
yesterday n today's a non- wrk day
makes me feel like the weekends..
yesterday..was.. hmm interesting
in a way... n pei as usual was
trying to be gay.. n i had to remind her
that i m a straight bung...
guess i need to rush off alrdy..
i m so damn late..
alrite..
oh yah.. claudine..
is really.. nonsense..
n i really wonder..
wat is she tinking sia..
haha i bet pei feels the same.
alrite update later..
guess nw is more drinking/
slacking n chilling.
rite.
cheers
whenever u feel alone
n need to feel loved
tink of my love as the wind
you cannot see it but
you can feel it.
it will always be there.
| The.Goodbye. 8/09/2005 06:15:00 PM |
__________
Monday, August 08, 2005
--
ok update abt yesterday specially for pei
pei was.. being all so GAY yesterday..
oh man.. PEI.. I M A STRAIGHT BUNG!
I ONLY LIKE GIRLS!! AS IN PASSIVE GIRLY GIRL K
wahahaha...
alrite i forgot to say something interesting
abt wat len told me on fri..
she asked me where someone stay..
i said i nt sure.. den i asked her why..
den she said she saw that person
and that she looks bloated n all
den i was like u sure? den yeah she
added.. she looks old.. n lastly ugly...
oh yah she said... that she had very big nose..
at first i wasn't sure if she was saying
the rite person.. until she told me abt that
i was close to 90% sure she got the person
haha it was nice to hear abt it.
but it doesn't matter.. anyway.
ok today.. spent the day at HM!!!
like shiok lar.. relax.. re-watching the O.C.
haha.. taking naps.. n eating..
mum cooked so many nice food... for me..
had burger in the morning.. rice with some
meat i like. in the aftnn
n NICE NOODLES WITH FRIED CHICKEN..
oh man... i managed to eat them..
slowly.. n only alil..
my mum n bro was wondering wat happen
to me.. cos i can't tok properly.. wahaha
oh man.. like such nice food but i can't
really eat.. n i cut my tongue trying it..
nw it hurts alil.. but oh well..
tink tongue piercing nt really very painful lar..
normal lor.. juz dat.. eating wise n all..
like sianz.. lor.. fr tml onwards.. fruit juices..
yogurt.. n ice-creams will be my food intake..
i need to stop being stubborn bfore i get my
tongue infected.. n get more cut on the wound..
ok.. i tink i shall watch the eminem DVD
dat i bought.. like finally.. wahaha
oh yah meilian is back..
hahaa bfore she called me on my hp
i told her that i can't tok properly..
so be prepared.. for my.. erm..
*mun*mum* mumbling.. hahaha
ok i shall poof.. starting to feel tired.
wrk tml..den its A HOLIDAY!
wahaha nice.. lar.. shiok .lar..
ok off to Eminem!
is everything real nw?
| The.Goodbye. 8/08/2005 12:01:00 AM |
__________
Sunday, August 07, 2005
--
ok.. long entry again
i know that i rarely spend time
at hm anymore.. but i love my rm.
LOL
yesterday..
work was nt too bad..
was rushing stuffs n calling the printer
for stuff to send to print.
how interesting.. its like machiam i the boss
lol cos i will ORDER the printer to come n collect.
i will say u come nw collect fr the receptionist
downstairs dun come up n find me. anything dun understand
call the office ask for me. hahahaha but oh well.
but yesterday was quite slack lar..
aft i send the stuff to print i juz slack ard..
tho' i got wrk to do.. but i dun feel like doing..
so i was searching for fonts for my tattoo instead.
waiting for 6 to come so can go smoke. lol
so when 6 come jio diana to smoke.
like seriously she is getting on my nerves..
she asked me if i going hm aft wrk.
i said no.. den she ask going out with frens..
i repiled yes. den she ask dinner or?
i said shopping n dinner. den she ask where? Town?
n i replied yeah again. she like.. machiam wat sia..
make me even more tulan.. den nvm
i wanted to leave early.. but len went to ask diana
if she is leaving soon .. den diana replied yes
so we waited for her.. den guess wat. her soon is like.. 1/2hr 45mins..
like FUCK LAR SHE FUCKING HELL KNOW I MEETING MY FRENS AT 7.45 LOR
chee bye fucking hell take her time.. nvm when i say i go first she say
wait wait soon soon.. den i was like ok fine.. nabei lar..
fucking piece of shit.. all she tok abt is the Avies shit..
pls i tot its alrdy concluded dat Avies is NAIVE STUPID AND FUCKING BLIND
and ESMOND IS SOME FUCKING HELL DESPERATE SWT TALKER! n pls
stop saying abt u duno wat u done wrong this time to make ur
bf so unhappy with u n quarrel with you.. n all pls lar
HE IS FUCKING CHILDISH N U ARE FUCKING HELL ENTERTAINING HIM
so fuck it lar.. u know saying the same thing over n over again
makes me bored.. furthermore listening to the same old thing
u are stress at wrk so m i.. k u tink life is a bitch
i tink life sucks.. but i dun keep niaming to u abt how sad my life is.
so pls stop it lar.. stop trying to ATTRACT ATTENTION!!! lar ur nt
in my list alrdy.. k stop making me tulan with you...
the nice n chill part..
aft wrk went to meet pei/val n her frens
went to levi's to shop..
Val's bday this mth n she is member.. or wat..
so she has 25% off.. yeah so yah went to take a look
told myself that i shldn't get anything..
but i got myself. this.. damn old looking t-shirt lar..
tink is some limited edition one.. as wat the salesgirl say
but well..org. price was 90bucks. aft dis. 67+
i guess i m getting more n more horrible..
nvm aftdat went to NYDC at heeren.. we all ate like..we
are so hungry.. wahaha me val pei n her 2 frens.. both
very lame one.. bui tahan... aft dinner went to play pool..
like exciting ar.. wahaha.. so freaking tired.. got hm ard 1+ 2
i tink i can't fucking hell rem.
ok thats for yesterday..
today.. shall cut short.
SCREAM M[MANSON] songs.. throat hurts like fuck
went to the NEW NATIONAL LIBRARY!
haha .. like.. nice ar.. den went bugis
junction to buy O.C.K[OldChangKee]
den went to HEEREN... got my tongue pierced.
like fast sia.. really.. pei saw the whole
thing i didn't.. i closed my eyes..
pei was describing to me.. how it was done.
wahaha but its like damn fucking fast lar..
5secs? haha. i bought the black stud ar oh man..
but gd lar.. i DIDN'T DROOL! haha tho' HJ keep
telling me its alrite if i drool.. ahaha
when she tells me to hold the tissue.. haha
underneath my mouth.. hahaha aft she pierce
she can say OH you didn't drool.. hahaha
guess the first thing i said.. aft piercing
was can smoke rite! hahaha BTH i guess.
did alil shopping while waiting for my
stud to get sterilze n i went to buy another
Cuff.. haha Black.. nice.. just nice at my wrist
nice!! i tink i abit kns.. i went in the shop
i didn't even bother to look at those
normal one.. i only look at those limited edition ones..
aft that went to far east.. bought the le coq sleeveless
again.. this time in black.. so nw i haf 2 exactly same
sleeveless one blue one black n one black normal tee..
i tink i seriously need to stop shopping..
its only 1 week.. n i alrdy spent.... erm.. 700?
n i haven buy my birks yet.. damn..
suddenly i feel so dead..
haha... nvm went to meet flo,syl n veron
den aft dat veron fren came..
den meet up with VAL and jyen n the bisexual girl
went paragon n eat .. i can't spell the name
spagetties? haha i dun remember.. i can;t eat anything
fr there.. ordered milkeshake.. n some small seafood platter
thingy... i can't chew.. nvm.. ordered pumpkin soup instead
can't really drink... n i choked on the food n the milkshake.
afew times.. haha ok aft that.. went to CoffeeClubExpress...
outside California Gym.. have a hard time drinking also..
n yah cos i can't speak properly.. val was trying to
imitate me speaking..
oh well...OH YAH i BOUGHT A CAR!!! A MODEL CAR!!
the model i wanted to buy next time..its the
1960 Chevrolet Corvette! but this one is 1957 one...
wah like nice lar.. love it like crazy.. wahaha
its in RED somemore!!! wahaha.. ok..
dats abt all.. ahahah went hm with pei n syl
den went esplanade to pick seek up
n nw i m blogging . so yah
done.
things ends the way it started
in a split second.
| The.Goodbye. 8/07/2005 01:56:00 AM |
__________
Saturday, August 06, 2005
--
just got hm awhile ago
fucking tired.
shall blog abt just nw later i guess
tink i shall go read the papers
den go to bed..
i was not supposed to buy..
levi's jeans.. i didn't
i bought a 70bucks T-shirt only.
i so deserve to die.
outrace the speed of pain.
| The.Goodbye. 8/06/2005 02:31:00 AM |
__________
Friday, August 05, 2005
--
alrite....
wrk...sucks as usual wat else.
normal day..
changes on the bloody ID booklet
n best is add 2 more pages
fr supposely 16- 20 pp
yeah so i did the whole 20 pp
like hmm.. feel great alil
but the stress like fucked up..
oh well
didn't manage to get birks.
due to kennie.. she haven try her
size.. argh.. which means next week den get
cos.. she juz left for KL.. hai
gona miss her so much.. esp her crap..
wahaha she so damn nonsense sia.
oh well.. haf to wait patiently for birks i guess..
nvm..
ok thats abt all
i duno if i shld buy levi's jeans tml.
dilemma man.. how? hahaha
ok tml looking forward its a friday!
n meeting pei n val's fren for shopping
n dinner... ar marche?.. oh well
let tml be a slack day..
oh yah i m starting to get irritated by diana..
hahaa yah she USED to be hot.
no she didn't do anything
i juz lost interest.
not that its impossible.
cos it doesn't look like the case
cos she wanted to 'date' me out later aft wrk
but nah i m nt interested..
haha
ok i shall go watch DVDS..
ain't no mood to slp yet. tho; i m
fucking tired.
ciao.
things usually end the way it started.
| The.Goodbye. 8/05/2005 01:31:00 AM |
__________
Thursday, August 04, 2005
--
today was.. like shit at wrk.. wat else..
changes n changes n changes..
the bloody ID BOOKLET NEED TO SEND FOR PRINT TML
nw is depending on the damn client..
make up his bloody mind. for fuck sake.
tink changes are enjoyable to do?
when i got so many shits in hand.
tml ordering my birks.. finally...
i guess i spent alot.. within 2 days..
erm... close to 500?.. i m so dead..
i juz bought.. hugo boss SOUL..
n got a free.. small shoe bag.. fr hugo?
how nice.. hahaha
rem the 2 watch i liked fr guess
i dun like them anymore.
i feel in love with something new.
nt very sure if Singapore is carrying
that brand cos we search online for
location.. Singapore wasn't even in
the damn list... haha how sad?
but nvm.. i wun say the brand name.
cos i doubt u guys ever heard of it.
haha but yeah.. it has all black series.
n gawd i m so gona get that.. watch..
even tho' it mite cost.. 300? or more?
haha but i'll get it next mth..
this mth got more impt things to do.
can't wait for this sat...
haha..
went to town den to spize with diana/kennie and len aft wrk
no Spize is not a bar.. its a malay food store
which is located near Zouk n great world.
the food there is superb!!!!!!!!!!!!
really really superb..
no joke k..
haha guess the best thing was..
saw suhaila there.. n she ask me why i so TANNED!
wahahaha that is so nice to hear! wahaha
tink she came fr clubbing.. hahaha
alrite.. was supposed to upload photos to my phone
but it is still charging.. fuck sia..
nvm forget it..
i shall go to bed early n haf some quality rest..
my nose is running away fr me..
my back is achine.. .. my sole.. is hurting..
my head is spining n my vision often appear
blur recently..
i hope its time that i fall sick..
i would love to see a doc.
alrite PEACE to Satan.
wats there to prove..
ur only doing harm to urself
n the ones that really love you.
stop it. it hurts to see it again.
[M.S.I.N.A.T.A.S.Y.M]
| The.Goodbye. 8/04/2005 01:40:00 AM |
__________
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
--
today was a sad cum happy day!!
got my half day leave!!!
wahaha.. went back sch actually/
Collect the damn paper.
oh well
do i feel anything?
yeah miss sch so fucking much
the lects room the studios..
the com labs.. even the fucking toliets.
n the high spraying watercooler..
the gallery.. hai.. all these man
seems so long .. but its only been ard 2mths.
age seems to be catching up..
the walk back fr the kopithiam to sch..
really seems like a walk that suddenly
brings back memories..
the fun times n slacking times n lame-ing times
wah.. miss it like crazy.
spoke to chris tan miss pei mr cheong pt lim
like nice.. ar.. miss all of these.. so much..
sch system change so much but the year1 standard extraordinary
dressing style nvr seems to change,, i guess
went to slack with adelene joey fad n karen
den went off to meet pei!..
bought my phone!!!! like nice ar...
X800 haha black cover!
finally bought coldplay's X&Y and EMINEM NEW DVD !!!
plus got the poster..
wahahaha but ar.. the money.. out.. like erm...
350..? for like erm 1hr..?
like fucked up ar... sat ard 200 out again..
wah i m so dead.. can't stand myself..
somemore my birks.. haven order.. waiting for
kennie lar.. to try her size.. argh..
oh man so sucks.. ok i m so confirm buying
the online watch next mth no matter how much the
shipping cost liaoz.. argh..
muay thai was best lar.. as usual wat can i say rite?
more 'sparring' hopefully
ok i m so fucking tired..
nw sending business card contacts fr my old phone to
the new one.. its a gd thing to haf like many sim cards?
hahaha cos i m sending rather than keying it in myself..
wahahaha.. i know m such a bastard.. but well i got 4 cards..
2 mine 2 my mums' mite as well use it then.. wahahah
the phone.. is so nice to flip.. wahahaha
alrite.. shall revamp n add more function to my blog soon.
ok.. shall continue sending bus. card to my new phone..
n hope to slp soon..
my nose this time is running away while pinned on my face..
the pain n the blockage.. like weird.. haha
pls satan let me fall sick..
so i can't go to wrk..
better yet take me by urself
i would love to serve you./
| The.Goodbye. 8/03/2005 01:42:00 AM |
__________
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
--
how do i start for today..
first conversation i had at wrk
is avies 'eh u cut ur hair!!!!'
my reply was 'yeah, haha'
i m usually like that in the morn.
furthermore avies.. the stupid/naive n materialistic girl.
but oh well love is blind.. n she is fucking blind
as wat we described. but oh well.
today we found out even more shocking news
fr angeline and elieen.... how desperate can ppl get?
n u see how desperate ppl juz go ard trying to
get every gal they set their eyes on..
i was kinda speechless.. when i heard the news..
seems like there are alot of desperate ppl ard
n stupid n naive girls.. too.. wat a world.
wrk was.. fucking stress todat no doubt..
still doing the suppose to be 16pp book
turn out to be 18pp.. like how nice is it?
nvm its at its final stage.
TML I M ON HALF-DAY LEAVE.
WAHAHAHA!!!! got impt things to do.
like shiok lar
tml getting my phone so happy!!!
wahahaha
ok just got off the phone with meilian
hmm.. tired...
today i was moody all day long i guess
i didn't bother abt diana too
she got her haircut she was so excited to see mine.
but i wasn't.. can see she like abit sianz.
i didn't tok much. nor do much..
was too stress over work n wat my mind is tinking
when memories can't be erase and always stays ther
i haf to fight it everyday n finally there will
come a day where i cannot fight it anymore.
plus the amount of wrk i haf is killing me
but i juz can't wait for tml. tho' my phone n my birks.
can't wait... n my HALF DAY LEAVE!! wahahaha..
the gd thing that actually cheered up my day was
when i went to meet cum send the client the mock up
of the book/mag.. i saw the poster i done being put up.
ard.. tho' its fucking ugly cos its the client's idea..
but still its nt hanging at some sch panel.. u know.
so yah feel alil accomplishment.. tho' this is nt the first
one i haf.. i even got my wrk in a mag.. but i dun feel
as accomplish as that tho' ... n yah u see those banners
n poster of this drink... n maybe soon the bus design..
u noe like those santa claus one.. the clothes/layout
is i design one.. which i tink sucks.. lar.. but oh well
we see how it goes.. i hope the bus doesn't come to pasir ris..
so i wun be haunted by it. but i wonder if they manage to book
the bus space tho' oh well..
yeah heading off to bed.. tink i m falling sick
n i wan to fall sick ..
let me die..
I'm not in love, but I'm gonna fuck you
'til somebody better comes along.
if thats how u are being treated as.
how does it feel?
[M.S.I.N.A.T.A.S.Y.M.] LIFE... [C.I.N.A.T.A.S.M.I.]
| The.Goodbye. 8/02/2005 01:59:00 AM |
__________
Monday, August 01, 2005
--
ok this is gona be a long long entry.
yesterday..
morning - canoeing.
fucked up cos it rained again
but was very fun
went to ntuc chalet there
to haf lunch again.
no didn't meet up with diana
cos it was raining.
we actually built quite a big
sand castle with a moat...
and high walls surrounding it..
n we swim quite abit.
n i almost.. dropped the canoe booty..
so i took it off n strap it
to the lifeVest and swim barefooted
was very nice..we swam till damn far..
did the capsize drill.. numerous time..
2 star had to delay.. no more space..
fucked up. but nvm.. gona book it early
maybe next wk or next next week.
diana called.. i wasn't able to pick up
i juz didn't realise she expects me to
bring my phone along while i m canoeing..
lol.. she wanted to go 85 eat
ask me to go also with kennie n vanessa
guess i wasn't ard to reply n kennie was having headache
so it was cancelled....
syl called meilian called.
sorry guys wasn't able to meet up with you guys
soon ok.
went to meet pei instead.
at bedok with erm 2 other friends..
Ex -SacIAN pei was teaching them maths..[blurLOOK]
we stayed for awhile den went to tm together
ate.. went to sintel shop.
was torn between 2 phones to get.
den yesterday the new panasonic phone came out
so tempted to buy cos its new.
but i really tink the design is ugly
i guess i decide on which model to get alrdy.
getting in on tues. wahaha X800
ok den head over to my place.
was watching this show on Ch5.. very nice
n i was painting my nails.. haha tink pei..
must be tinking how femme can i get?
haha oh well..[C.I.N.A.T.A.S.M.I] HAHA
den went back to my room .. pei was
showing me all the blogs n photos
of people... bungs n passives.. pretty n ugly..
lol den i decided to start design my tattoo
n i got my design out gona do it this sat plus
my piercing.. wahaha guess its weird.. cos i kinda
used to tink that i wun pierce there.. but oh well
pei was watching cinderalla story n msning while i was
designing my tattoo n falling aslp?
hahaa we slpt at 4+am..
today.
woke up ard 1pm..
pei woke up ard 11.30..
when i woke up she was surfing ard.. for songs n all
supposed to play basketball..
but she say how to play with her berm..
den i replied.. lazy to play say lazy.. lol
so in the end we didn't play..
but nvm its ok.. I GOT MY HAIRCUT!!!
this time at storm. cos diana keep telling me
to go cut there.. so yah.. diana even helped me call n
book a time which i haf no idea why.. muz make appointment
can't i juz walk in?.. she says next time to cut together..
oh well.. as usual.. the back doesn't seems right.
the back seems very weird tis time..
but at least it short.. so yah..
the stylist is called sam very gentle guy
i like! haha but pei says he take 10millions years
to cut my hair.. yeah.. he took almost 1hr..
when i barely haf much hair for him to cut..
but i like lar he very gentle.. ahahaha
n the best part is he intro me this clay..
den tells me right nw no stock...........
like nice lar the wax.. hahaha weird sia..
ok aft the cut when parkway..
meet up with seek.. she wanted to cut her hair..
but they were all close..
so we went to KTV instead... like shiok ar..
haha came hm ard 12.. like fucking tired..
going to bed nw.. tml is another fucked up day
pei dun tink so much.
dun take things so hard
its no point
if thats wat she wants let her be
there is nothing you can do.
u be alrite
u can always count on me to be there
take care bro.
when someone is trying to date you
that someone will ONLY show their gd side.
and will ONLY say swt n nice things
and make ONLY gd, swt n nice promises
we will ONLY hear the gd comments fr friends ard us
regarding that somemore.
WE ARE ALL SO FUCKING BLIND
when the someone is desperate.. n got rejected by the one
that the someone actually wanted in the first place
so that someone being desperate went for you instead
how would u feel? tell me abt it.. i like to share
stories.
so i guess u didn't know wat it was for all the life you lived until nw?
wat a joke. n a big lie.
| The.Goodbye. 8/01/2005 01:22:00 AM |
__________
